I’m more likely to go for a drink at a pub with a male friend. It’s no big deal to do that, just the two of us. Of the two blokes with whom I quite frequently go out for a meal, one’s gay and one’s an ex.
- I’m not projecting or imposing anything.
- I have no idea if I’m capable of forming close non-sexual relationships with members of the opposite sex. Since being in a relationship, I’ve never tried.
Good on you!
Myself, I’d rather not risk it to begin with.
FWIW, KellyCriterion, I largely agree with you. I think there is something to be said for people in relationships avoiding prolonged, repeated one-on-one contact with an attracted-to-sex person they’re not dating.
I know if I were living with someone, and they were frequently going out with female friends and I wasn’t invited, I’d be annoyed at best.
I have a strict policy of not going out one-on-one with an opposite sex friend unless my husband is also welcome to come. He usually doesn’t, but the point is that there is nothing to hide and thus no reason to exclude him.
Yes, one does have to be careful about such relationships, and if things start to get out of hand you have to do the right thing no matter how hard or uncomfortable. Not everyone can handle it, but many can, and have no reason to deny themselves the friendship of half the human race.
I think it’s normal for a guy and girl to go out for dinner just the two of them. I actually do this quite a bit with one of my friends who happens to be a guy but also my best friend as well. We go out at least 2 or 3 times a month just to hang out. We both have someone else that we are seeing and they understand that we are JUST FRIENDS mainly because they know that we have tried being together and it just never would have worked… Lessons learned the hard way i guess you could say.\
Unless you’ve developed some kind of feelings for this gentleman i wouldn’t say you’re overreacting but just being cautious, considering you are friends with a few of his ex’s anyhow.
Did you completely miss the part of my post where I indicated that cheating is absolutely wrong IMO, or did your eyes just glaze over when you got an inkling for a good rant?
My point is ***not ***that being in a relationship means you get to stay open perpetually to the idea of anyone else coming along, and dump your SO the second the grass looks greener. My point is that if you *need *to live your life inside a bubble where you are locked away with *any *meaningful contact with people of your SO’s gender other than your SO, there is probably something wrong with your relationship. Because, IME and IMO, people who have healthy relationships with their SOs also have no problems having healthy relationships with other people, regardless of gender.
ETA: Note that here I am not talking about people who just generally don’t find themselves easily making friends with people of the gender theyi’re attracted to. I’m talking about people who somehow think that if they start spending time with someone other than their SO, they’re suddenly going to be involved in some sort of torrid romance with the person. That seems to me to be a big fucking red flag that something is wrong with your relationship, because if things are working, you shouldn’t have that fear.
I have never cheated on a boyfriend. I have never broken up with a boyfriend for someone else. I have never dated anyone who was dating anyone else at the time. I have never been the cause of someone breaking up with their SO.
The irony, it burns.
my BFF is male and single, I am female and married.
We often go out to dinner together, we always have.
None of our friends appreciate good food quite as much as we do!
Sometimes I cook for him. My partner is totally OK with that…
especially when I make sure there WILL be some left 
Little known fact. Zombies make excellent dinner companions.
Back in the States, I did this all the time, single or not. In Japan, when I was single, I still did this. There were no problems. Now that I am in a relationship however, this is off limits. Oh boy, my balls would be sashimi if I had dinner with a female friend. It’s gotta be a group setting.
I personally have no problem with the idea. As long as everyone’s an adult, right? If feelings develop, it’s time to either end that friendship or end your current relationship. In my part of Japan though, I find this is not really done. A man and a woman hanging out together for dinner would be indicative of romantic interest by one or both parties. Other parts of Japan can and do vary.
I tend to dine with friends of my own gender more often, but I do go out occasionally with men who are just friends and catch up on each others’ lives. No biggie.
I used to hang out frequently with a male friend who has since moved away. I miss hanging out and doing things with him but I never considered our relationship to be more than a friendship. We even discussed it and we both agreed that the friendship we have is valuable and deep-down, we both know that a sexual relationship would not work between us. We still keep in touch.