Guys only make friends with girls they want to sleep with. This fact was verified by other guy friends that I have. This subject also came up in one of those daytime talk shows (I don’t remember which).
Even my husband, who is level-headed and not prone to exaggeration said most men would like to sleep with the women they consider friends.
Think of what you find attractive in a woman. Now think of a woman who is the total opposite in every way. You now have a mental picture of me, yet I have many, many friends who are guys.
I’m not sure which of the following is true:
Men tend to make friends with women who they find sexually attractive.
Men have a female friend and then think, hey I wouldn’t mind doing her
Men really don’t want to have sex with all their female friends.
Lenny was absolutely right.
All the guys that say different and claim to be sensitive souls and attack me for my opinion are just trying a ploy to impress women.
These statements are superficially similar but not actually related:
A. (Heterosexual) men will only make friends with women they want to sleep with
B. Men want to sleep with their female friends.
(A) is completely untrue in my case and those of my close male friends. (B) is true in many cases. After being friends with somebody, her positive attributes will become more important, more visible, while her negative attributes will become mere quirks or “beauty flaws”. The converse is also true - when you start to dislike a woman, her positive attributes start seeming icky or meretricious, her negative attributes become all too obvious. By “attribute” I mean both elements of physique and personality it could be hair color, manner of speech, world-view, toothy grin, whatever.
The idea that men just make friends with women they have sexual designs on is completely bogus, except perhaps from some (also bogus) Freudian perspective. Sure, I might have some desire to take the baggy, baby-spit-stained sweatsuits off of my female friends, but if I do, I’m totally unaware of it.
I wasn’t aware of the Lenny Bruce quote, but I’d heard similar opinions expressed on some goofy talk show by the editors of a couple of pot-bellied-couch-potato magazines (can’t remember which, but Esquire and GQ come to mind). They agreed that “sensitive men” don’t exist, and that some men just act that way to get easy sex with women. This confirmed for me something I have suspected for quite a long time, namely, that I do not exist. Call it “anti-sollipsism”, if you will, but it can’t be a coincidence that all the press goes to the rutting pigs.
and now an honest answer from a guy.
no, i will not fuck mud.
mmmmm, i’m attracted to most of my female friends, because they are attractive, and not attracted to some others, becuase i don’t find them attractive.
no, i don’t want to have sex with all my female friends, but if feels good to be hanging out with attractive women.
okay, i’ll fuck mud if its covering an attractive woman
I, personally, was of the opinion that men don’t have to be attracted to a woman to become her friend until the majority of my male friends (a group of us, both male and female, had a loud and beer soaked conversation about this a few weeks ago) admitted to secretly feeling this way.
I can only speak from my own experiences. I am not a sexy woman. I am the opposite, as I’ve mentioned before. It seems very hard to believe that my friends stay my friends because they are interested in me sexually.
This was until a female friend of mine asked me how many of the guys sitting around that very table had made a drunken pass at me. I never paid attention to drunken passes. Hey, the guy was drunk! And it’s kind of insulting. You have to be drunk to make a pass at me?
Lately I’ve been viewing all my male friends with a jaundiced eye. I don’t like it. I want my friends back!
I think Chris Rock nailed this one. He said (paraphrasing):
Women have platonic friends. Men just have women friends that they haven’t fucked… yet. Or else they took a wrong turn somewhere and ended up in The Friend Zone!!
You mention that you have a husband. Guys will not make love to/date/marry women whom they find unattractive, so you are obviously attractive (although you may not get any immediate offers from Hugh Hefner to get your navel stapled). “Attractive” is a really vague and nebulous term in terms of description, but it accurately indicates that an “attraction” can (and usually has) occurred. Lots of things go into attraction. The only common point is the actual attraction that occurs. Is there usually some physical trait associated with the attraction? Sure. That trait could be anything from a preponderance or lack of mammary flesh (depending on the guy’s proclivities) to a sweet or impish or wicked smile. Brains, empathy, humor, or a capacity to hold beer can also make up the “attractive” qualities.
You also mentioned that your friends revealed their extremely shallow personalities while drinking. It may be true that in vino veritas (although I have seen many exceptions), but it is certainly true that inhibitions fall when flooded by alcohol. Put a bunch of guys together to talk about a subject, fill them with beer, and they are quite likely to agree to a great many things simply because their brains are no longer looking at anything more than that their buddies have said something similar.
As for
#1 would be more true if you left out “sexually” and would become false if you inserted “only” anywhere in the sentence.
#2 is probably often true. It’s biological. There had to be some sort of “attraction” (see above) for them to become friends; the male brain is quite capable of making the leap from “attraction” to “sexual attraction.” So what? Having a sexual thought cross a guy’s consciousness is hardly the same as having a guy plot to bed every woman that he does not hate.
#3 is probably most often true. Guys are no more eager to mess up a friendship than women are. Having the passing thought of #2 does not invalidate the day-to-day reality of #3.
#4 is probably very true at 15, less true at 20, and falls off steadily as a guy matures. Again, it’s biological.
However, this statement
is only true for a limited number of guys whose brains are dangling between their legs.
I have female friends who I am not at all attracted to.
I just wish I had more female friends that I AM physically attracted to.
Since I’ve spent a lot of time in MPSIMS, anyone who’s formed an opinion of me might think I’m being flippant above–I’m not. Unfortunately for me, it seems as if my friendships with females I am attracted to do not last as long as my other female friendships.
I will say that I believe that it’s absolutely true that females are FAR, FAR, FAR more likely to have male friends that they aren’t attracted to than the reverse situation.
I’d also agree that many, possibly most, males DO NOT have ANY female friends that they are NOT attracted to.
By the way, I am not certainly not claiming to be better than any man who only has female friends that he wants to sleep with. I claim only to be different. (However, I’m not as willing to buy into the “You are different and that’s BAD” mentality than I did when I was a child.)
I should clarify that I absolutely do make more of an effort to befriend an attractive lady than a non attractive one, at least occasionally. I simply meant that I won’t preclude being friends with a non attractive one.
See, but that’s the problem, it started out with a shallow few people out there, and then they were all like ‘Oh, don’t be a loser, we all know you only want to f*** her.’ And eventually whoever was the target of that remark would convince himself that it was true. Then he’ll start doing it to others, and others, and so on. Well, it’s not true. You would be making one of two assumptions here: A) all of my female friends are attractive or B) I would sleep with someone I’m not attracted to.
Now, you might say that I might actually want to sleep with her for a reason other than her physical beauty- in that case I would try to be more than her friend.
I admit, though, a good many of my friendships may have started from wanting to get play from girl x or girl y, but that doesn’t mean that it’s always true, or that I still do. So watch what you say next time. We’re really not all horny bastards.
Not many words of wisdom ever came out of Billy Crystal’s mouth but on one occasion I believe he put this matter to rest in, “He said, She said”. He says men can never be friends with a woman they find attractive. I agree, I think love is selfish and friendship isn’t. When you want someone, you want him or her for yourself. When you make a friend you don’t really care if they have other friends or who they are. There are a few special circumstances though:
Men can be friends with an attractive woman if:
They have known each other a very long time- (letting mutual respect to build to the point where it surpasses physical attraction)
Have never slept together- (after that it’s over, and a mental image of your naked body sweating to his thrusting is all he’ll remember)
Or the man is seriously involved and he is faithful.
Just because you hang out with someone doesn’t mean you don’t have ulterior motives…and man, if you have ulterior motives you aren’t really friends.
Sorry for sliding off topic, but Occam? Love shouldn’t be selfish any more than friendship. The greatest love is more than sex, more than friendship, and usually a combination of the two. I hope that everyone has managed to find an unselfish ‘true’ love.
As to the topic. I believe that guys are perfectly capable of being friends with women. Regardless of physical atraction. Its a moot point. Some guy friends will always be attracted to their friends of the female persuasion, and vice versa. It shouldn’t affect the friendship if both parties are realistic and truthful about it.
Stop me if I’m wrong, but I can tell Medea’s Child is a woman. And as said woman, you don’t have first hand knowledge of how a guy’s ‘urge’ get’s in the way of him being friends with guys the same way as girls. That is to say, a woman doesn’t have to scratch herself in public and watch football before she can be a friend, it does mean the man must have the same feelings for her as he does for his male friends…and that is a long stretch. It may be easy for a woman, but for a man to be a true friend and have no notions of sleeping with her it is very rare.
Oh, and the “love is selfish” comment. The saying, “If you love someone you must set them free” is bullshit. Breaking up with someone hurts a lot…and it doesn’t hurt because the woman or man you broke up with is unhappy. You hurts because she/he isn’t with you! When you are in love you want them near you. You want them to have your children. You want them to get old with you. You want them to have sex with only you. Do you see a theme here?
CLedet, I’d tell you what you can do with your stiff dick, but this isn’t the pit.
The first thing everyone should realize - the number one point - all men are NOT the same. I used to think I was unique, but I’ve found there are more men out there like me.
I have female friends that I do not want to sleep with. I have female friends that I find sexually attractive, but am not doing anything to pursue actually sleeping with.
Is it easier to find attractive female friends? Well, there is a proclivity to pay more attention to women you find hot, so there is more opportunity for friendship to develop. And there’s a certain amount of wishful thinking in some cases. And sometimes that unmet physical attraction can get in the way, ruining a friendship. That’s the point of the line from “When Harry Met Sally” (not “He Said, She Said”). If you harbor sexual desire for a woman that isn’t being fulfilled, that can lead to emotional distance - an undercurrent of bitterness seeing them with someone else. Is it easier to stay friends with someone you aren’t sexually attracted to? Maybe.
So Pink Slinky, there’s a little bit of 1, a fair amount of 2, a round of 3, and some 4’s out there. It’s sad that a drunken conversation has disturbed your ability to be comfortable with your men friends. Wouldn’t it be great to be able to erase that? I don’t know what to tell you. If you were able to be friends before, try not to let it bother you. Maybe the reason they have to be drunk to make a pass at you is that you’re married, and sober they wouldn’t want to interfere? Try to take it as a compliment, and then don’t concentrate on it? What ever you do, try not to interpret everything that happens, everything they say, in light of this viewpoint, because that will be the thing that causes the trouble with your friendships.
Bull puckey. You can be friends with someone and still want to ‘do’ them. You can be friends and actually ‘do’ them, too. I have a good friend who I have occassionally had sex with. We never dated, never had a romantic relationship. We haven’t in a long time, and he’s actually practically engaged now, so we probably won’t ever again… but we were always friends, before, during, and after the times we had sex. We love each other as friends.
I question the sincerity of anyone who has been dumped for someone else then turns around and says that they are happy that the dumper has found someone he/she that makes them happy. Bullshit.
A question for those who don’t feel that love is selfish - Would you stop having sex with your partner because someone else wanted to and that someone else didn’t want to share with you? Do you expect your partner to spend time with you? What do you want from your partner?
