How did alphabets get "invented"?

[Lemur866]

@freckafree

For a really fascinating take on this whole topic, read The Alphabet Versus the Goddess: The Conflict Between Word and Image by Leonard Shlain.

His premise is that every culture that has developed alphabetic writing has favored “left-brain” attributes like linear thinking and abstration at the expense of “right-brain” traits like holistic and visual thinking. Along with the alphabet comes patriarchal society and misogyny.

Right, which is why China and Japan are noteworthy for their matriarchal social systems. Oh, wait, China and Japan are intensely patriarchal. Ooops.

I can’t understand why anyone would write a book promoting a theory that can be refuted with a few seconds of thought. Same with the theories that monotheism leads to patriachy…did those feminists not notice that the polytheistic ancient Greeks, Romans, Eygptians, Celts and Germans were intensely patriarchal? How about modern day India, China, and Japan? Come on.

[Tripler]

How alphabets were invented:

Cradle of Civilization, 1066 AD:

A: “Hey Grok! What’s the haps, man?”
B: “Hey Thorg! Not much! Just roasting a little wolly mammoth over the fire! Care for some?”
A: “Why sure! I heard you and the rest of the tribe were back in town! I brought over a little mead and a couple of Neanderthal slaves for you!”
B: “Awesome! Hey, why don’t we go ahead and mark down their names so I can keep track of 'em. . .”
A: “Hrm. I don’t have a written language yet. I’ll need to work on that. . .”
B: “No worries, man! I was just on the Silk Road, and passed these folks–they call themselves “Babble-onians” or something. They’ve got a leg up on it, but I copied down some of their stuff. . .”
A: “Really? Hey, that’s a start!”
B: “Yeah, I thought it was kinda cool when I first saw it. But hey, first have a slab ‘o’ mammoth and tell me how your elders are doing . . .”

. . . and thus is the birth of the “Indo-European” language.

Tripler
And to think, it all happened over a slab ‘o’ mammoth meat.

[Derleth]

@Tripler

Cradle of Civilization, 1066 AD

Meanwhile, everyone else was wondering how those retards Grok and Thorg were getting a hold of mammoth meat and neandertals roughly 500 years after the fall of the Roman Empire. I think it was William the Bastard who figured out it was rabbits and Irishmen, respectively.

[Tripler]

@Derleth

Meanwhile, everyone else was wondering how those retards Grok and Thorg were getting a hold of mammoth meat and neandertals roughly 500 years after the fall of the Roman Empire. I think it was William the Bastard who figured out it was rabbits and Irishmen, respectively.

No no no, you’ve got it all backwards: see, the Romans didn’t have an alphabet until they invaded and held Scotland, where they came across the Danish runes, Mel Gibson painted his face blue, and that Hadrian dude tried to copy Ming’s wall (but on a smaller scale).

Grok and Thorg were there long before Hadrian tried his carbon-copy, which come to find out, was nothing more than a cheap attempt at a Medieval tourist attraction.

Tripler
Oh yeah, it’s all well documented in the Tapestry of Bayou.