Multilingual kids are later talkers, but it pays off in the long run.
Kids might be later walkers and talkers at two, but by three they’re all pretty much the same.
You could try what I have. Our son just turned seven but he is physically/developmentally more like he just turned 6. So, I just have his age hardwired in my brain as 6 so I don’t compare him to same-aged kids.
We all compare our kids, though. I am pretty sure it is unavoidable. (It’s letting them or anyone in the family know that is where problems start.)
My certifiably gifted-and-talented oldest child (who is making me certifiable in other ways, but that’s beside the point) walked late, talked late, and still can’t tie his shoes properly at age 9.
As for your statement that you are competitive by nature, I fail to see the relevance. Your child is not an extension of yourself and I think it’s good to be aware of that fact early on. Even if you think that toddler milestones are some kind of competition, which they are not, then even if your kid “wins,” that’s not you winning, it’s her.
I firmly believe everyone compares kids to their peers to a certain extent. Really all you can do is be quiet and be supportive. It usually comes out in the wash in the end.
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I totally agree. You’re setting both yourself and your child up for hard times if you continue seeing her behaviour (progress, growth milestones, choices, future school performance, career path, etc. etc. etc.) as an extension of yourself and your self-image. Get a handle on that now before she’s old enough to be affected by it.
Do you mean you discuss this with the other kid’s parents, or with the kids? I’m sure parents are always comparing their own kids to other’s (and your own are always so much better), or dishing on the kids whose parents aren’t there, but I’d really avoid doing this with the parents of the other kids. And it’s always a bad idea to do this in front of the kids.
When parents go to the well-baby checkups and ask the doctor why little Elmo isn’t sitting up/crawling/walking/eating bugs and all the other babies in the family of the same age are solving calculus equations and doing trapeze stunts, and THE BOOK SAYS that “normal” babies should be able to roll over/pinch their sisters/eat steak with a knife and fork, the WISE pediatrician says, “Maybe little Elmo hasn’t read the book yet.”
When little Elmo reaches his teen years and hogs the telephone and outgrows his shoes before you even get out of the store and is nagging for a driver’s license, you will forget this “competition” even existed.
Relax. Just enjoy your baby. They are so precious.
~VOW
I think you misunderstood me because that’s not what I meant at all. What I meant was that most parents mentally compare kids. Not as in “my Johnny is SO much smarter,” but more like, “damn, kids are so different from each other in so many ways.” I frequently find myself marveling at how different kids’ timeliness are, my own especially since I have the most experience with them. It doesn’t make one kid better or smarter. Just different.
I do have acquaintances who try to compare kids with me. I have no problem with it if they’re asking a question such as “is this normal?” (The answers is usually, “I’m not a pediatrician so you might want to check with them but kids come in all flavors of normal.”) But I don’t think it’s fair to answer in the kid’s hearing or to get competitive.
Worry less about the effect on your daughter and more about the effect on yourself. Honestly, right now she’s too busy learning things to be interested in competition. And as others have said, speaking fewer words is a natural and common for bilingual children, so to the extent that you can take comfort in that in the short term, go ahead. In the longer term, work on your awareness that it just doesn’t matter - your role is not to “win” a competition, but to encourage her growth as a person.
Ok. I didn’t think you meant discussing these things with other kids parents. I don’t think I mentally compared my kids to others, except maybe the memories of me and my brothers. My wife and I probably spent a lot of time comparing our kids to each other though.
You’ll probably find that your child is ahead in some areas of development (my just-2 year old kid was an early walker, a late talker, tiny (weighs only 10kg at 2 years), refused to eat until 10 months but is very dextrous). It all evens out in the wash.
And even if not, really it’s no big deal. Is she happy? Is she meeting developmental milestones as defined by your maternal health nurse/paediatrician etc? Because anything else is your competitiveness showing, probably mixed with some natural concern for your child’s wellbeing.
Just get ready to sit back, watch and enjoy the two of them playing with each other. Compliment the skills of her cousin, and you’ll probably be surprised that your wife’s cousin will probably notice things your kid is doing well that you just take for granted.
ETA: Missed the bit about being multi-lingual - we’re teaching her English and Italian, and I think it does slow down their speaking a tad - but her understanding of both languages is great. And well worth the slight delay for future benefit.
What, exactly, can you do other than shrug it off? Shed that baggage now, or you’re going to have a daughter with daddy issues as a young adult.
One is male, the other female. Even at age 2 there are (some) temperament differences due to that even if all other development factors are otherwise about even.
It appears the OP doesn’t live in the UK, while the host does. That too will inject some cultural differences. Obviously 2 year olds aren’t deeply enmeshed in their local culture yet, but some aspects of culturally-typical parenting wil drive visible differences.
At that age they change so fast that a 3 WHOLE MONTH headstart is meaningless.
Bottom line: The kids are going to be different enough anyhow such that the issues the OP is concerned about will be more in his head than they are in objective evidence with the kids.
Read Nurture Shock, by Po Bronson.
One of the conclusions is that the intelligence tests some schools do on 5-year-olds, for things like admission to gifted programs and selective schools, do a lousy job of predicting how well a kid is going to be doing in school by second or third grade. If that’s true, then how smart a kid seems at 2 is probably an even worse predictor of anything.
I’ve heard this too. Her receptive language might be a lot better than her expressive is right now considering she’s sorting out what words mean the same thing throughout the three languages and deciding which to use when she speaks.
Forever. I’m 34 and my dad can tell you how many different words I spoke on my first birthday. I think the parents who can are mostly those who are impressed and those who are worried.
A great post.
You cannot help but compare, but you can compare without competing.
As far as language development goes, seriously, give her the credit she deserves for learning how to understand three languages by this point!
Fair enough, I figured I might be taken to task. But I guess that is fair, as I do have some insecurities, and they need to be dealt with. I had a pretty crappy childhood and the only thing that brought me any happiness was that I excelled at school. It is not so much that I need my daughter (or myself) to be the top of the pile, but I don’t want to be on the bottom. I would actually be content to be a smidge above average.
In any case, I find it helpful to see that most of the people who responded to this thread don’t let these insecurities dominate them, which tells me that I need to get mine under control too.
I will definitely do my best to enjoy the time in the UK, and in seeing the two kids play together. Oh, but I hope they play fairly, because the last time I remember the boy pushing my daughter around, taking her toys, etc, without any resistance from my daughter. OK, I will try not to let that bother me either :rolleyes:
Just to clarify on the counting words thing, actually I have no idea whether it is 10 words or 30. I just threw out 20 as a ballpark guess. It’s not a huge amount, but is beginning to be enough for her to get basic messages across. And it is cute to hear her mixing up the three languages. As for her cousin, I don’t know if they are literally counting his words either. I guess I will know soon.
The only thing that matters with kids is relationship. Your kids, other people’s kids - all that matters is how you get on together.
If your kid is having as much fun with you as other people’s kids do, all is well.
Try counting laughing or smiling instead of words.
I don’t see what this has to do with the other. Can’t you help your daughter assert herself more? But if your kid is having fun all the same, it’s not as though taking her toys is making her suffer. Still, you’re the parent. Get down there on the floor and teach the other kid to share.