"My kid is a genius." "So is mine."

The BBQ Pit
1

I’ve been hanging out on a board recently that has a large parenting population. Since we’re hoping to have our own child or adopt within the next year or two, I’ve been reading the parenting section.

I’m sorry, but are ALL parents so fucking competitive about their kids? In ONE thread, I saw:

“My kid’s a genius. I can’t believe how smart she is.”

“Well, MY kid can count to a hundred and spell ‘milk’ and ‘cookie’.”

“Well, my kid just played Beethoveen’s Ninth Symphony on the piano from ear!”

“Well, MY kid can drive himself to the grocery store, do all the grocery shopping for the family, spend under $50, and make TWELVE gourmet meals out of what he bought!”.

My favorite is when they try to disguise modesty about themslves into their children’s accomplishments.

“Well, she’s very smart, but I guess I should have expected it, since I tested at the genius level.”

“I graduated from high school at sixteen, so of course my child is smart. I worry about how she’ll fit in around kids who aren’t as smart as she is.”

Oh, and my favorite: “I just feel sorry for her brother because I know how hard it was for MY brother to grow up with such a smart sister.”.

What the fuck??

These are TWO AND THREE year old children. I’m sure they’re proud of them - they have every right to be. But holy shit, they are pompous and obnoxious about their kids - and to listen to them, every single one of these children is reading the Bible from cover to cover by the time they’re two and a half.

Hey, I hope my kids are smart. They will have two parents who love to learn and read and see new things, so I hope those loves rub off on them. I hope they love to read as much as I do - because my books are my prized possessions and I’m going to start my own childrens’ library the second I find out that I’m pregnant or the second we’re accepted by an adoption agency. I hope they’re better at math than I was, and I hope they get their father’s organizational skills. But I’m not going to fool myself into thinking that my three-year-old should be in the running for the Pulitzer Prize.

But I swear to GOD, I hope I never become one of these competitive, obnoxious parents. If I do, I hope my husband pulls out the checkbook to show me where I fucked it up last month to bring me down to earth.

Is this typical? Do I have something like this to look forward to when we become parents? Are there normal parents out there who don’t compete about every aspect of their childrens’ lives?

E.

2

Well, probably nobody is going to come out and post “my kid failed the entrance exams to preschool!”, but yeah, I get your point.
Working on the Peninsula side of the SF Bay, I’m surrounded by trophy wives. Worse, most of them are doctors wives*. The constant competition drives me right up the fucking wall. It’s like they never got past high school, socially. I recently overheard one of the wives of the doctors I work with. She was talking with one of her friends about switching her child’s soccer team because the coach doesn’t drive a good enough car (only a Toyota), and obviously isn’t in the right social tier.
What’s worse is that while at social gatherings, these women have absolutely no control over their children and will not discipline them at all. And then think they’re angels.

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*I apologize to any doctors’ wives who find this offensive. It is merely the majority of the women I see in my immediate circle where I work.

4

Ah, the Lake Wobegon Effect.

5

Yes! That’s a perfect description - exactly.

And Maureen, I think it’s just that they all try to out-do each other - your kid walked at ten months? Mine was speaking in compete sentences by a year old. Oh, yeah? Mine was riding a bike at fifteen months. Well, mine got into medical school at eighteen months!

It’s the sheer competition in their words. And I feel sorry for their kids - it’s like they have a LOT to live up to already, and I worry for those kids who don’t measure up to their parents’ expectations.

E.

6

Sheesh, both of my kids can do that. No problems. Of course, I wouldn’t expect any less of a Doper kid.
Of course by the ages of seven and nine these accomplishments are slightly diminished, but on the bright side we think the Boy may some day learn to tie his own shoes.

7

I’m impressed :D.

Okay, if these kids were DOPER kids, I’d believe every word of it. After all, mine are going to be the children of Dopers (if I can ever get my husband to join the damn board), so they’re already ahead in the world!

E.

8

Worry not, ElzaB. Those parents will get their comeuppances.

Yep, my daughter was speaking in complete sentences by nine months (I have video proof - no really!), reading by age three, has been in “gifted” programs, won a shitload of awards AND placed first in her tae-kwon-do class against kids way bigger and more experienced than her at age 8. I was a very prooud mama.

Now she’s 15 and brought home a report card with three Fs on it. I said, “Those grades better improve, young lady.” So she worked at it and now she has FOUR Fs. And a filthy bedroom and a bad attitude and quite frankly, there are days I wonder why I didn’t drown her when she was but a pup.

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When my son was little we had our first “daycare conference.” The daycare teacher pulled out a Denver skills assessment and ran over where our son was for his age (we have a normal kid who walked at a normal age, was slightly language delayed (but did not have exposure to English until six months). We think he is pretty exceptional, but he’s our kid).

The daycare teacher started with “All children develop at different rates, this just is a range of normal.”

There was a child in my son’s class (let’s call him Tyler) who did everything early. The daycare teacher singled out Tyler in the conferences as an example of the differences in rates at which kids pick these things up. “Tyler walked at 10 months.” “Well, Tyler was talking early.” “Tyler was off bottles by eight months.” I finally said “yes, but MY son has seven teeth already, and I’ve noticed Tyler has just one.” (To be fair, this was about the rate at which kids pick things up, and not about Tyler being exceptional - it was actually “Tyler walked at ten months, some of our other children don’t walk until 15 months or later. Your son looks like he’ll start walking at about a year, which is right on schedule.” And Tyler was a great kid with normal parents who didn’t spend their time bragging)

10

Eh, I don’t think it’s necessarily due to a ‘lake wobegon’ effect, nor is it necessarily beyond the pale.
I’ve always tested in the 99th percentile, grduated highschool at 16, yadda, yadda, yadda. My girlfriend and I are planning on moving in together soon, and we’ll probably end up having kids within a few years. As for brain power, she aint no slouch neither. Now, if nature and nurture hold true, we’ll have some pretty brilliant babies. And yes, it’s fucking hard to grow up being smarter than the majority of your classmates.

One of the responses you evidently got all hot n’ bothered over was
“I graduated from high school at sixteen, so of course my child is smart. I worry about how she’ll fit in around kids who aren’t as smart as she is.”

Well, what the hell is wrong with asking that? I graduated at sixteen, I had problems being smarter than my classmates, I caught shit for knowing (gasp!) polysyllabic words. Why would it be wrong for a parent to be worried about their child going through the same? Hell, the last week I’ve been worrying about what life would be like for my kids when I become a father. School can be rough for smart kids, cut their parents a little bit of slack.

11

There’s always the military school threat. Not that it’ll do anything but make the attitude worse, but hey, works for the grades. :smiley:

12

The Alanis Morrisette Effect?

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Finn, darlin’, I think you’re missing the point. Never mind that growing up is hard enough with expectations of perfection from your parents. These women get so viciously competitive it’s mind numbing. Their lives are perfect. Their husbands are perfect. Their children can do no wrong.
Look. Kids mess up. Fact of life. No kid is perfect. It’s really a bit sad these women are trying to turn their offspring into Stepford Children. (oh, gods, it’s only been 2 years since I last said that here, are the screeching harpies of suburbia still around?)

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Sorry, that was meant to have a FinnAgain referent. :wink:

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My mom’s kid can do calculus and can spell cookie after splitting a fifth of Maker’s Mark with his lady friend. Let’s see little Tyler beat that.

16

Here’s a wrinkle for your pajamas -

My Hubby has a high IQ, like 145 or something, and Ph.D. in Molecular Biology. Naturally he graduated summa cum laude with his BS, having been his high school valedictorian.

And I’m equally sure he walked early & talked early.

Does it matter a hill of shit? Fuck no.

He’s the smartest person I know, and is having tons of problems with adulthood. Ever since graduation he’s been lost Because nothing was ever difficult and he never struggled. All he ever did was follow instructions, brilliantly. Only when you’re a grown-up, there’s nobody around to give you instructions anymore.

Genius ain’t what it’s cracked up to be.

17

And the award for most unintentionally ironic post of the day goes to…

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My kids used to be able to spell “milk” and “cookie”, but then they discovered that Word has a spell and grammar check, and decided to let Bill Gates be their teacher.

ShibbOleth, if your kid ever learns to tie his shoes, can he teach my son? Of course, it might just be laziness that is preventing him from tying his shoes; one never knows. He’s at the point where I could say, “The sky is blue and grass is green,” and I would automatically be wrong simply because I’m his parent.

19

All I ever ask of my kids is that they do their best on whatever challenges they may receive. And that they not pick their noses and eat it.

I have a 14 year old boy who can’t pull his pants up and who dyes his hair more often than I dye mine, and who has been suspended twice because he can’t control his temper, and who is constantly on the verge of flunking out. He’s also an animal lover and a chess player (went to the State Tournament in March) and a Magic gamer who likes being outdoors and is always eager to work for money.

I have a 6 year old girl who loves books, loves school, has brought home NOTHING but green-light stickers and smiley-faces from her kindegarten teacher all year long, was Student of the Month in March, loves animals and girly frilly pinky things (blegh), and sometimes pouts and throws things when she doesn’t get her way. She also has a really obnoxious invisible friend who turned our refrigerator off one day and we didn’t notice until our ice cubes melted.

Sure, I’m proud of them both. But I don’t think they’re perfect. They’re people-in-progress, and as long as you can remember that you’re in no danger of turning into one of those uber-competitive, obnoxious parents (hereinafter known as uber-COPs). My advise is to stay off the parenting boards. That way lies madness.

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Elza B if you’re hanging around on BabyCenter —

Step Away From the Mouse!

That place is awful. The “Ask the Experts” part is fine, but it’s the worst msgbd Evah! Mothering.com is much better, although they’re all so frightened of sugar I’m tempted to dress up as a bag of Domino just to shake them up!

Also, unfortunately you find just as many idiots IRL. It took a lot of searching before I found a reasonably sane group here locally.

Shoot, I was at the thrift store w/my twins & a friend last summer & my friend was trying to make “mom-type” conversation with some woman & her goofy-looking child waiting in line. She asked how old this woman’s kid was & the reply was “Fifteen months, but she’s been walking since 10.” I replied “Oh, mine skipped walking entirely and went right into levitating.” (in my head, hours later, but I think it still counts)