Errr…I was one of those smart kids, too, and yes, school was pretty hard for me in terms of socialization. But kids adapt unusually well, so I don’t see the point of worrying about that now when your kid is still in toddlerhood.
And it’s the context, not so much the content - it seems to be another method of trying to put down parents whose kids aren’t doing these things at lightning-fast speeds. Sorry, but just because your fifteen month old is doing something now doesn’t mean that they’re going to be the SuperGenius of the classroom. I’m all for smart people in the world (keeps my blood pressure lower ), but I have a hard time believing that every child on this parenting board is speaking in full sentences by nine months or that EVERY parent on the board has a genius-level IQ.
That was one of the comments within a whole batch of others that simply seemed as if the parents were trying to out-do one another - it was just another brag disguised as a ‘parental concern’.
LifeonWry, I followed a lot of the same patterns as your daughter - I can’t even tell you how many times I dreaded taking my report card home. It wasn’t boredom, which I think is a cop-out in regards to smart kids (I could have done the work, I chose not to - yes, it was boring, but a lot of things in life are boring), it was laziness. Pure laziness. I didn’t have an explanation for it back then, and I really don’t have a good one now. Just keep holding on and being a good parent - mine didn’t give up on me, although I’m sure there were days that they wanted to lock me in my room and beat the crap out of me. I graduated summa cum laude from college with a high GPA, and I was the girl who got Cs and Ds in high school simply because I didn’t feel like doing the work. I don’t know what turned me around in college, but I think it was just the realization that this was my life and I needed to pay some attention to it.
She’ll come around eventually. The fact that you care is a positive point on her side - I think that’s where I was lucky, too - my parents cared although I did nothing to earn it.
On preview - fessie, that sounds familiar. I guess I feel bad for the kids with the pressure of it - if that makes sense. Maybe it’s because I don’t feel like I measured up to the potential about what everyone said to me when I was a kid - and because I wonder if that potential really was what they said it was, but shit, I’m happy with my life. I love my life right now. And I wouldn’t trade it for the world. However, it took me a lot of time to get here before I realized that it was okay to follow whatever path I wanted without disappointing anyone.
Y’know people really need to stop blaming their lack of social skills on intelligent. My ACT score was 7-8 points higher than most of my best friends and my supposed superior intellect never got in the way of us being friends. I also was not friends with the people that were generally assholes and used their intelligence to demean others. The ones that used their fancy pollysyballic words and then looked down on others when they didn’t understand them. The amount of friends you have has nothing to do with intelligence and everything to do with being a friendly, down to earth, humble and frankly just a nice person.
Heh - I’ll store that remark into my files for future use;).
And no, it’s not Babycenter or Mothering.com (although I like Mothering.com somewhat since I plan to AP - however, some of them scare me.). It’s actually a board that’s from another board, and I have a lot of friends on the board. Those friends are still around the same place I am, though - either thinking about getting pregnant or newly-pregnant or newly-sprogged. So there’s not a competition vibe with us - it’s with some of the parents who’ve been around a lot longer.
Hell, I didn’t walk until 17 months old - I think I was just lazy as hell. I walk today, so it didn’t seem to do me any harm. I did other things earlier, some earlier than others, and I did some things later (mostly physical things - I looked at my kindergarten report card while we were unpacking our house one weekend, and saw that I had gotten a Satisfactory as opposed to a Good in most physical things - it took me awhile to learn those;). I still have no coordination, so I guess that’s just something that’s always stuck with me.
I think I’ll just stick in the general information sections for now. I’m not a competitive person by nature, so I think it’s just kind of weird to think that I should be competitive about what my future children do.
I’ll admit, I used to be like that with my son. I would go on and on about how he did this early, or was advanced in that, or how far ahead of the other children his teacher said he was in school. I was that obnoxious dad. What got me to stop doing it? Well I realized that by the age of six, even with all the things I just mentioned, my son still did not know how to tie his shoes, and it wasn’t for lack of instruction on my part. That bothered me a lot. The fact that everyone in his class was able to tie their own shoes and my “advanced” son couldn’t.
There was nothing spectacular about my son except for the fact that he was my son. The more I thought about him and honestly compared him to other children his age, the more I was able to seen his strengths and weaknesses. This made me realize that all kids excel in some areas and fall behind in others.
After that point I don’t really obsess much about it. He’ll grow up to be who he will be and the best I can do is help guide him on the right path.
Most of those very obnoxious parents will fade away as grammar school progresses. Those that don’t stop the competition will hit adolescence and then you can hear the crickets chirping. You’ll notice that it is worst in the infant/preschooler set. The playing field does indeed level out.
Why not look at it this way? Those parents who insist on trotting out Jr.'s accomplishments are incredibly insecure as parents, and also they are not being real good parents in that their child is NOT a performing seal. Kid starts to equate academic success with love. Works until you get out of school…
And the most brilliant of kids can be messed up as a teen–my daughter is unrecognizable at present. Where did the organized, pro-active, intelligent girl go? She turned 15 and now acts moronically, daily.
:rolleyes:
It’s parenting, it just makes people crazy. Because it’s so scary. Especially in the first year, you just have no idea what you’re doing. I have felt really competitive (although I tried like hell to avoid writing obnoxious posts) b/c my twins “should” be bright, given their genes - so if they’re not, I must be doing something wrong, right?
A lot of it is snobbery and competitiveness, but I think it also comes from the fact that a lot more is being asked of young kids these days. For example, this year my daughter the second grader had to take an intelligence test to determine whether she’s going to be part of the Gifted program for the rest of her school career. One test. At seven. And they define “gifted” as “at or above the 99th percentile” score on that test. To be in the “seminar” program you had to score above the 99.5th percentile. I hope that kid enjoys his or her “seminar.”
My kindergartner is expected to be reading and doing actual math by the end of the year. He gets a report card the size of the daily newspaper. I’m quite sure I didn’t learn to read until first grade, and I was no slouch as a student. I just wasn’t expected to, because there was no hurry.
In some cases kids are having to pass tests to get into preschool. We didn’t but it was just because we chose a well-run low-key program geared to, you know, preschoolers.
My son really is seven and really can’t tie his own shoes. I blame laziness, his parents and velcro, although not necessarily in that order. He’s very, very good at some things and just so-so or worse at others. And that’s about the reality for most kids. I try not to sweat the small stuff, or get too caught up in the good.
I think some parents never get it, others know right away, but most learn this after some time. It’s also a bit of a natural defense mechanism that keeps us from “drowning those puppies” when they’re still small. That is, parents will always see their children as more intelligent, beautiful, physically gifted than they actually are. Just bear that in mind when you have your own, and use it as a filter when you have to deal with other parents, particularly parents of younger kids. In a way it’s just their love (ok, pride, but not so different) showing, which is not the worse thing that ever happened, obnoxious as it can be.
Repeat after me…everything normalizes toward the mean.
Two smart people do not normally breed one smarter person. They normally breed someone who is pretty smart, but may not be as smart as either of their parents. Or they may end up with a child that is (by some quirk of fate) learning disabled. Or like my very bright child of very bright parents who has the attention span of a hamster on speed and the common sense of a doorknob, which makes me wonder if being smart is all its cracked up to be.
“Common sense of a doorknob” - you just described Hubby. Can’t tell you how many times he’s come back from the grocery store EMPTY HANDED b/c he’d forgotten his wallet! No, genius is definitely NOT what it’s cracked up to be.
Not to hijack, but this is what’s making parenting fun — my two are SO DIFFERENT from Hubby and I. For one thing - they’re athletic! And another - they’re social! If they turn out to have fiscal sense, too, my mother will never stop laughing at us.
I think that if I have kids, I’d like them to be successful in their own right, but I wouldn’t expect them to be geniuses. I’ve seen kids of smart parents wind up dumb as a bag of rocks, and backwards incompetent parents spawning amazingly eloquent and independent kids. So you never know.
While I certainly wouldn’t expect them to be geniuses, I’d like to give them all the chances I can offer to help them acheive their maximum potential. While listening to some of my students at a piano recital last month, I whispered to my girlfriend, “I’d like to have a child wind up being better than me in things like this.” Not that I’m dumb or that I want my kid to be amazing at something, but rather I’d like to my children learn from my own lifetime experiences and gain something from it.
Like some posters, I was smart but lazy in school. Unfortunately, I didn’t catch on in college, I didn’t graduate summa cum laude or anything special. I got B’s and C’s in high school, then went on to spending 5 years of college getting B’s and C’s. Eventually, near the end I started catching on (so I guess I’m not completely hopeless ) but I’d like to think I could turn my kid around earlier than it took me.
See, your posts about your twins crack me up. I think they’re hysterical - and even though I don’t know you, I see a mom who’s doing her best to stay above water, even though you’ve got these two rambunctious, funny little kids trying their hardest to pull you down with them. That’s normal parenting to me - and those are the parents that I want to emulate. Yeah, I’ve seen you talk about them being the two cutest babies in the world, but that’s natural - I figure every baby should be the cutest baby in the world! (Until mine comes along, that is ).
We’re just trying to prepare for parenthood, and I’m trying to learn as much as possible. It makes my heart sink to see that a lot of parents are so competitive because I know I’m going to be overwhelmed by parenting - I want support, and I want to give other parents support. I don’t want to compete against whose kid walked first or spoke first - I want to cheer on every accomplishment of every child, no matter when it happens.
Eh. We’ll see. We’ll have family with a few babies close together, so hopefully, I can count on them for support without being competitive.
Oh, I’m delighted that you’ve enjoyed my tales! Sharing makes it so much more fun! Of course I didn’t do a lick of housework during their whole nap today, but…
That’s wonderful about your family, hopefully they’ll be just the resource you need. And of course, you’ve got Dopers - I’ve loved the responses in this thread, everyone’s humor about the whole thing is just exactly what gets you through.
And, of course, the fact that you’ll have the cutest babies ever!
Before people have kids, they tend to sound like Incubus, full of ideals. Which is fine. Afterwards, you’re just glad to get through the day w/out wringing somebody’s neck.
I’m sorry for the lol post, but that is some funny shit. I laughed loud enough that people in my office came to check on me… you know the rule: no laughing or acting like a person before 6:00 pm…
Hey, I think I am being rather realistic. I’m not grooming my future kid to be a jet pilot or a concert pianist. I’m going to be open to what they are drawn to. My point is that I’m not trying to expect anything exceptional, but rather be happy with the little things that a lot of parents seem to overlook.
Gaah. What gets me is parents who pigeonhole their kids from day one. Junior spills his drink twice in one day, so for the rest of his life mommy and daddy know that Junior is clumsy, and therefore he’ll never be an athlete or a dancer.
And the little girl likes to break into her mom’s jewelry box and try stuff on, so she’s a ‘girly girl’ and therefore they’ll never sign her up for any kind of sport, ever. And it never occurs to her to ask to play a sport, because she knows that she’s a ‘girly girl,’ because her parents say so.
They’ll tell their “you’re shy” or “you’re lazy” or “you’re sloppy,” not realizing that kids latch onto this stuff like velcro and live up or down to their parents’ expectations.
A year ago, I think I was all about “Well, my kids will be concert pianists and violinists who get straight As.”.
Now that we’re closer, it’s more like “Umm…well, hopefully, they won’t have three arms. And they’ll learn to talk…eventually.”.
I think I’m just trying so hard not to get my hopes up about even HAVING one that it’s easier to focus on getting one here than it is to focus on what I want to do with them when they’re here. That’ll all sort itself out eventually.
And your twins crack me up. Seriously. If you lived closer, I’d offer some free baby-sitting!
Don’t forget that while people in general are prone at time to one-ups-manship, message boards often exagerrate that effect. In a larger group of people, the number with very bright two year olds is likely to increase. Add in a dollop of persons posting to that message board being more likely than the average person to have a very bright two year old because they have a cappachino machine, a computer, a cell phone, involved parents and whatever else correlates highly with very bright children.
Threads on message boards also often are highly unrepresentative. Someone was shocked recently by the number of people posting to a thread on major crimes happening to family members who had had such crimes occur. Well, the people who haven’t don’t post. (Or the people with ordinary bright two year olds don’t post. And certainly those with slow two year olds don’t post).
I suppose that there is even a chance that some of them are making things up, misremembering or exaggerating on purpose.
But mostly, I think you are seeing a set of behaviors that are too common to exactly be called abnormal, but are far from universal among parents. And I suspect parents like you are observing are over represented on parenting boards.
), but I have a hard time believing that every child on this parenting board is speaking in full sentences by nine months or that EVERY parent on the board has a genius-level IQ.
) but I’d like to think I could turn my kid around earlier than it took me.