While searching through my dictionary for the defintion of the word “sybaritic”, I noticed that Saddam Hussein’s name was in there as well. Checking to make sure this wasn’t some sort of Communist plot, I looked to see if Bill Clinton’s name was in there too. (It was.) Which brings me to the question, just what do you have to do to get your name in the dictionary? I searched for other names in the list of crucial English words, and I found Charlemagne, Adolf Hitler, Winston Churchill, Malcolm X and Martin Luther King, Jr… Now all these people have their place in the history of this wacky planet. I thought history making might be the criteria, so I looked for the inventor of Coca-Cola, and he wasn’t in there. (Okay, I don’t know his name. Sue me, I’m trying to make a point.) Hey, Walt Whitman was in there, Charles Whitman wasn’t. Akira Kurosawa was in there, Stanly Kubrick wasn’t.
Now I’d like to have my name included in the list of “must-know” English words, but I don’t want to go through any more work than I have to. Does anybody know a quick and easy way I can get my name in the dictionary? Does anybody knows the criteria that these dictionary publishers use in placing somebody’s name in their lexicon?
I really, really, really need to know. (So I wasn’t able to splurge on the thesaurus. You write a better sentence.)
I imagine that every dictionary is different in how it decides which historical figures (if any) to include, so there is probably no surefire way to get in. However, I do have a few suggestions.
There are words that are people’s names. There’s a term for this, but I can’t remember it. Some examples are sadism and silhouette. Invent something, name it after yourself, and make sure that the item is popular for generations. That doesn’t sound too hard.
[Future conversation]
Person 1: Hey, hand me that mofo rising.
Person 2: Did you know that this handy, commonly used, household item is named after the guy who invented it?
Person 1: Just hand me the frickin’ thing.
[/Future Conversation]
Do something so stupendous that it cannot possibly be ignored. Do you, by any chance, know how to cure cancer? or AIDS? You could possibly also get in by assassinating somebody famous, and setting off a nuke in Vatican City on Easter is probably a sure fire way to get a little noteriety. Some of these options may be unusable depending on your level of commitment to getting your name in the dictionary.
You could change your name to something that is already in the dictionary. Pick a good word like “triskadekaphobia(sp?)”. Alternatively, you could change your name to “Merriam Webster” and get your name on the cover.
Is Lee Harvey Oswald’s name in there? How about Sirhan Sirhan? If so, you have the easiest way into the history books ever devised: Kill a head of state. If you shoot and kill, people will forever remember where they were when Clinton got shot. Your name will be remembered for centuries to come. You will be gunned down mercilessly by SS agents. But hey, fame has its price. If you shoot and miss, you will be killed by the SS (unless you happen to be lucky) but nobody will know your name in a few years. Or you could just write the great american novel and die a drunk.
Find out which dictionary puts a lot of names in. Go to their offices. Perform sexual favors for as many people as possible. It probably wouldn’t hurt if you were bisexual and were really open to anything. How bad do you want this? You can’t have a “dictionary” without a properly placed “dic”.
No, I checked for Oswald, he’s not in there. Let me look for Sirhan Sirhan. . . Nope. That’s why I included Charles Whitman. Ted Bundy isn’t in there either. Committing a horrendous crime isn’t good enough. (Stuck up dictionary snobs.)
Which dictionary do you have, anyway? Lee Harvey Oswald was one of the defining figures of this country, for crying out loud! I mean, if he hadn’t shot Kennedy, some other vast conspiracy would have! And you know we can’t have that. I say you get a dictionary the size of a Ford Pinto and look in there. If Oswald isn’t in that one, we’ve got some ass-kicking to do!
You’re not thinking horrendously enough. As I mentioned above bomb the Vatican on Easter and you’re in like Flynn. However, if you’re not violently anti-catholic (which I find unlikely), there are several other major religions that have big ass bombable shindigs every now and again. Also, it doesn’t have to religious as long as lots and lots of innocent people die suddenly, violently, and for no good reason. Think Black Sunday.
You may be on to something. I did check, and Guy Fawkes is in this dictionary. (The American Heritage Dictionary, Third Edition) But it still sounds like more work than I’m ready to put in.
This thread is running out of gas. Time for trivia!
One (reasonably famous) nuclear family has give the English language two separate and distinct eponymous terms. Name the terms and the individuals.
(By eponymous I mean terms that were named for an individual, like “Molotov cocktail” was named for V.M. Molotov, and “chauvinism” was named for Nicholas Chauvin. I do not mean new terms that a person invented that are unrelated to that person’s name, like coach What’s-his-name who coined the term “threepeat.”)
