How do I learn to be verbose?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

Hmm.

$ cat OP -vvv | more

From: Cryptoderk
To: All
Subject: How do I learn to be verbose?

At this particular point in time I find that the manner in which I engage in verbal discourse is lacking in a certain level of detail. Such conversational brevity seems to have repeatedly led to irreconcilable issues with those that wish to discuss things with me at length.

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Hey, it works.

22

No, no, no. This should read:

Please submit proposals outlining the details of entering in to a program whose purpose would primarily be the expanding of my verbal construction of sentences to the point of overextended verbosity.

I have taken into consideration the proposal that up to and as of the time of this proposed project, I, as a speaker, have been found to be overtly succint, that is to say my conversational skills consist solely of the ability to speak extremely sparingly; thus I have found after a brief period of contemplation that my tendency to elocute in an abbreviated fashion may be causing hindrances in various aspects of my individual experience, both in business and personal relations.

23

Verbose?

You want verbose?

I’ll give you verbose.

When you are engaged in conversation, you must never assume you understand what the other party has just said. You need to restate what you think they just said 4 or 5 times with slighly different spins, “Did you mean this…”, “or possibly you meant this…”, etc.

Next, it’s not necessary that they choose one of your interpretations. Actually, don’t waste your time even giving them a chance to answer, because you know what your correct response will be no matter which option they would choose.

So tell them. “well, if you really meant THIS, then I would have to say…”, and “… on the other hand, if you meant THAT, well, that would be a whole different thing…”, etc.

Then it’s time for a lengthy disclaimer about the limitations of language between two individuals of different cultural backgrounds. Because of course, you cannot be certain they actually understand what you intended to say, as opposed to what you actally said, or what they wanted to hear.

At this point you might let the other party venture a brief comment – but my personal preference is to find a way to transition to a story of my impoverished childhood that developed into a powerful work ethic that none of my coworkers share.

I could go on…
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