Crop circle? I just drove by an excellent site for a crop circle. It is visible from a major toll road and has something growing in it that appears to be about 3 feet tall. I’ve seen the things used to trample down the grass, but how do I design and impliment the project?
Why don’t you just make a crap circle on the sidewalk. Everybody’s seen a crop circle.
You need some boards, some rope, and a stake.
You use the boards to stomp down the circle. You could use two boards and attach one to each foot with some sort of harness and walk carefully. Or you can use one board with a longish rope handle - put down board and step on it, pick it up with handle (that you’ve held the whole time) and move it. (It’s actually a cooperative foot/hand operation, where you move it horizontally with your foot at the same time as you move it vertically with your handle. It’s faster than it sounds once you’ve gotten going.) The latter is the one I’ve seen used most commonly.
Either way, you must overlap the ‘stomps’ so that you don’t leave any vegetation standing.
Poke the stake in the ground & attach one end of a piece of rope. Attach the other end of the rope to you & wrap it around the stake. You’ll use this as a compass. Make the length of your rope equal to the radius of your desired circle, plus some for tying on either end.
As you stomp the grass, walk around the stake opposite of your wrap (so that the rope unwinds as you go.) When you’ve reached the end of your rope, pull up the stake and stomp the center portion down. Voila! Perfect crop circle!
I suppose you could just outline the circle first and then stomp at random to fill it in, but I suspect you get a neater pattern working the spiral.
Have fun and let us know how it goes!
Don’t do it in grass that has not been mowed in years. It’s too hard, and really wipes you out. I think because of all the old grass matted together down low. It took 3 men 3 hours to do a 30-50 foot diameter circle. We were really tired. Those old guys on the discovery channel had it easy with the wheat fields being less densly planted. Otherwise, have fun, and definatley go on a moonlit night somewhere where your work will be spotted by a bunch of people.
Get a piece of 4x8 plywood some not-too-fat rope. Nylon’s good. Attach a large eyebolt about 6 inches from the end on a 4-foot side. Attach two more eyebolts to one of the 8-foot sides, about 6 inches from each end. Tie some rope through the 4-foot-side eyebolt; make it as long as you want the radius of the circle to be. Take another piece of rope and attached it to the two eyebolts on the 8-foot side. Leave a couple feet of slack in that one.
Now wait for a dark moonless night. Get your trusty accomplice to help you carry the plywood to the selected spot. If you can get the accomplice to do the hard work, you stand at the centerpoint of the desired circle. Hold on to the long rope. Your accomplice will carry the plywood until the long rope of stretched out. He will then sort of lay it on the ground and grab the shorter slack rope. He might need a towel or something to protect his hands. While you stand in the center, have the accomplice walk round and round, dragging the plywood behind him. This will make a nice 8-foot-wide flattening of the crop. If you want the flat part to be wider, just haul some more of the rope in on your end. Repeat. Wait for the alien invasion stories to appear in the Weekly World News.
Okay, I guess that I needed to be more specific. I know how to make a freaking circle. I am wondering about more intricate shapes.
You need a sidewalk, some chalk, and some burritos.
You use the burritoes to create the medium. I would recommend eating a lot of (maybe eight) burritoes, then wait about three hours.
Find a sidewalk. I would recommend taking your pants off, but if you’re careful, you can just pull your pants down to your knees. You may want to get some chalk and draw a circle on the sidewalk to follow. It’s best to use a chalk pattern and follow it closely, else those people that you could be amazing will just think that someone just randomly shit on the sidewalk, and that is the farthest from what we want to happen, isn’t it?
Pick your starting point on your pattern and start shuffling, then start crapping. Remember to start shuffling FIRST, or you’ll get clumping. Don’t hold your chin up like you’re all cool or something – keep an eye on your pattern!! Watch out for your legs and shoes. I would recommend a good pair of running shoes to facilitate leaving the scene of the spooky crap circle. Try not to leave any foot prints, and be sure to grab your pants before you leave.
I suppose you could just outline the circle first and then release the payload at random to fill it in (only you know how many burritoes you ate), but I suspect you get a neater pattern working the spiral.
Have fun and let us know how it goes!
While we’re on the subject, anyone know how to make an anal probe? Thanks in advance!
Myndphuquer,
You are waaaaaaaay too interested in my ass. I’m going have to make sure that my back is to the wall when you are around 