How do I 'safely' upgrade my browser?

I don’t even know what the hell a ‘browser’ is. I had a dog called Browser, 'cause he would run around and browse for chicken and cat shit.

What the fuck? Nothing works anymore. I need to upgrade my ‘What?’

Any help will be … uh… I’m too stooped to be on the interwebes, I guess.


A browser is the program or app you’re using to read the Dope on. They have names like Chrome, Firefox, or Safari. What’s the name of the browser that’s asking you to upgrade? The process is usually automatic and safe.

Dunno, man. I Just turn it on and shit comes up. But now, not so much.

Didn’t expect to hear from you, C. I thought you hated me?

Whatever gave you that idea? I don’t hate you. I like how you’re friends with Beck and have been giving us updates about her and her son while she was offline.

I drink? Long-necks.

Beck? Oh, That Little Thing?

My internet is like Shit on a Wire, or as I like to call it, Dixie Cups on a String. So I’m not sure what to do. I don’t really know what i’m using now, or what I need to upgrade to.

Becky? Eh, Fuck her! Old Hill-Billy Hick! Goddamn Granny Hawkins! Ghost story perpetrator!

Zo………That was just a Dodge. RSVP and best to RJ. I WYSBICC…

If you want help with your question, how about you stop fucking about and answer the questions put to you in good faith in order to help you? You use a browser, everyone uses a browser. You get to a website by opening said browser, possibly with a little icon on your desktop, which one would assume has a label. To figure out how to upgrade your browser we need to know what you use. So, what browser do you use?

If all you want to do is spout meaningless one liners and throw baseless shade then say so and we’ll proceed accordingly.

I really don’t know, man. I just turn on the computer and it goes to whatever. Yeah, I got a ‘browser’ but I don’t what it is. Help me out.

Where is this icon on my desktop? How do I know what I got, or what I’m using? I don’t know about this shit.

replying you so you get notified I think. Serously, I need your help if you know this stuff

If the browser automatically opens up when you start up your computer, I’m going to guess that you’re on the default browser that gets packaged with Windows – it used to be Internet Explorer, but now it’s called Edge. See if there’s an icon for either of those on your desktop – either icon should look like a blue “e”.

I hate the ‘reply’ thing, because you’ll read down a thead and there will be something that makes no sense, and then you look and see it’s a ‘reply’ to something a mile up above and seems out of context

Kinda like all my shit, I guess

Yeah, the Blue “E”. That’s what I got. How do I ‘upgrade’ it? Or what is a better fix?

The link below, to a Microsoft site, will tell you how to make sure you’re on the latest version of Internet Explorer, as well as how to update to Edge, if you are so inclined.

However, Google Chrome is the most popular browser these days, so if you want to try that, go here:

Jeez, I’m terrible at this shit. I can rebuild an engine, weld you a Thunder-Dome, but don’t know shit about any of this internet stuff. Goddammit. I hear young folks use it to get laid. How the fuck does that work?

What exactly are the symptoms? On one hand you say “nothing works anymore” yet still you can post to Straight Dope. This is contradictory.

One possibility is that your browser is infested with malware (often because of some extension which you accidentally installed which is malware). In which case the malware needs to be removed.

Again what exactly are the symptoms?

The e? But that’s the button for the internet.

Just upgraded and it wiped out half my shit. Swell.