How do I stop myself from "rules lawyering" so I can pass a polygraph?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Note: I do NOT want ways to try to “fool” a polygraph while I am lying. Don’t post them, you’ll get my thread locked and I won’t be your friend. I want ways of making my mind not think so much about technicalities.

I am in need of some mental help on this one. Recently I have been applying to police departments. Anyone who has ever done this will understand how in-depth the application process can be. The typical application packet is around 50-60 pages. After application, I am going to have to take a polygraph test.

My problem comes in on the criminal history questions. Many of them can be read in two ways: the spirit of the question, or the wording of the question. I’m going to have to pass a polygraph on my answers, and either way I answer some of the questions I feel like I am being deceitful. Here’s an example:

“Do you know any relatives, friends or personal contacts that are or have been involved in any type of criminal activity?”

Seems simple enough, but what goes through my brain is a convoluted series of rules lawyering. Under what criteria do they want me to consider someone a friend? Is it criminal activity I am aware of, or total, because how can I know what my friends have done every minute of their lives if they don’t tell me? What constitutes a criminal activity? Are we talking felonies, misdemeanors, white collar corporate crime, status crimes, traffic offenses? Under what jurisdiction? Federal, the state in which it occured, or the state in which the department I am applying resides? I’m not familiar enough with the entire criminal code of every jurisdiction, so can I 100% say something isn’t illegal when it may in fact be illegal? Here in Michigan it is illegal to swear in front of women and children, though I doubt any court would sentence someone based on that. Do I only include things that would hold up in court?
Another example is “Have you ever lied to someone who trusted you? List them below.”

Well, I’ve lied to people before (who hasn’t?). Are we talking little white lies, like telling my girlfriend I’m not planning a surprise party for her? How about if I tell my boss I’m making progress on a report, when actually it is still sitting in my in-box? And what is meant by ‘trust’, anyway? What if the person doesn’t trust me at all, and is just going through the motions. If I lied to them, that wouldn’t count, right? How would I know? Their trust is not up to me, so how can I say 100% who trusts me? What is the time-frame on this anyway? I mean, I don’t have a photographic memory, so I’m sure I’ve lied to someone but I don’t remember. The question doesn’t say “Have you lied… that you remember”. It is phrased in absolute forms. Can we really be absolute on anything, especially our own memories? What is reality anyway, what is a lie compared to a truth if everything is based on our own preconceived notions of the universe?

This is the type of commentary that runs through my head just about every waking moment, constantly considering my options, constantly pondering my situation and the meaning behind words.

Gaaah! How do I stop thinking like this so I can pass a polygraph test? I want to be 100% truthful, and I don’t want suggestions on how to “fool” a polygraph while giving false answers (and that’s probably against board rules, so please don’t).

I just wish the application packet would say something to the effect of “even if it is technically illegal, if an officer were to see you doing it and wouldn’t care, you do not need to include it”. I need help.

2

Ah, missed the edit window.

I suppose I should add, yes I am aware how trivial and stupid this seems. I’m not stupid, I know what each question is ‘looking’ for, and I know it generally doesn’t apply to me. I’d be able to answer it with a straight face knowing that I wasn’t lying. However, in the back of my head, I know there is going to be that little voice of doubt saying “yes, you answered truthfully, BUT you know as well as I do that the exact wording of the question is actually asking something else”.

3

I don’t know what the answer to this is I’m afraid (there might not be one!) but I suggest you focus on the intended meaning behind the questions, rather than the literal. I’d see the test less as an absolute honesty test and more as an interview under slightly unusual conditions. You know in your heart of hearts that they don’t care about you being aware of your friends jaywalking or littering (for instance) you just need to convince yourself of that at the test and not worry so much.

If I understand correctly, the test is not going to determine your absolute honesty anyway, it’s going to test physiological changes between answers. Being nervous/excited/anxious about the whole thing is just going to give them a non-response - which is probably the most normal outcome anyway.

Hope this helps somewhat!?

4

I think they phrase things purposely this way so you can’t mentally prepare anything because it’s impossible to get what they’re looking for. Are these essay questions? Explain your way through it, if so.

I’m not even convinced there’s a single right answer. This is going to be interpreted differently by every person who looks at it. I think you just have to go for it and hope for the best.

5

Like taking an academic exam, responding with whatever pops into your head within 5 seconds of comprehending the question should be the proper answer.

The stress involved in parsing the question/second guessing the answer is what will show up on the polygraph. You’re not going to lose out on the job because you properly admitted that your great uncle was a notorious ax murderer, but you may well lose out by not admitting he’s your great uncle.

6

No helpful answers, but I know what you mean, I’d be a terrible witness in court because my inclination to a question like “Do you know for absolute certain that you have two feet?” would be be to go, “No, I suppose I could be hallucinating my entire life, or the amputee victim of a practical joke by my parents and family and friends and skillful cosmetic surgeons who have fooled me into mistaking clever prosthetics for my own natural limbs.”

7

When I was a wee sprout, I worked at Mickey D’s. Someone was stealing buns or something, and we all had to take a polygraph. My friend’s mom worked there. She failed the initial question because she couldn’t decide how to answer what her name was. “I started thinking…Mable, Marble, mom, Mrs. K, honey…”

8

Have you had a polygraph before? Have you failed before? I ask, because you may not have the problem you are worried about.

I guess every person who admins one will be different, but here is my experience:

The man wanted me to pass. The rules were simple - the answers didn’t matter as long as I told the truth. He told me in advance all questions that I would be asked. He allowed me to clarify a question. Here is an example of “rules lawyering” that I was worried about:

Have you ever taken illegal drugs?

Me: What about underage drinking? I consider beer to be a drug and there was a time when it was not legal for me to take it. So I would answer yes.

He said: For the purpose of this test, you may still say no.

I passed.

Good luck to you.

9

Although various agencies use polygraphs differently, I’m of the opinion that most polygraphs are used as a machine to get someone to open up about things when they are OFF the polygraph, not while on it.

I have a hard time seeing that answering “yes” to the friends with criminal activity question would get you 86’ed from the hiring process. What is very likely to happen is that you would go through an interview after the polygraph and be asked to explain why you gave the “bad” answers. So you most likely will have an opportunity to explain that your uncle does indeed swear in front of children, and your mother is a serial double-parker.

Giving those sorts of answers where you don’t have lingering doubts about how you responded will probably allow you to “pass” the poly, but in all seriousness, it may show that you are overly pedantic about things, and whether that has an impact on your job prospects, I have no idea. But that’s more of what a polygraph interview is designed to elicit, rather than having a big red light going off that says “Liar liar pants on fire!”

10

I’m much like you in that I tend to overthink some things. So what I did in my polygraph test was to be totally honest.

Interviewer: “Are you the type of person who would ever lie”?

Me: “Yes”

Interviewer with sudden interest in his voice: " you are?"

Me: “Sure, I don’t tell the person I’m helping that the reason their computer doesn’t work anymore is because they’re an idiot. Or tell the O-6 sitting at his desk that I have to rebuild his system because he was playing around and deleted something important”

Interviewer: “That’s not what I meant”

Me: “Oh, well that’s what you asked”

Long story short, he explained that he was only interested in I guess “big” stuff. Would I lie about stealing secrets, or blackmail…stuff like that. As long as you’re a fairly honest person you won’t have a problem with it. Especially if you answer litterally on a few questions.

“Are you the type of person that would steal”

“Yes”

“Oh Really”

“Yeah, sometimes I forget the pen in my pocket when I head home for the day. So I have a whole cup full of them at home that I use”

“That’s not what I meant!”

“Well that’s what you asked”

11

I think you need to answer the spirit of the questions. As you demonstrated in your OP, overthinking this probably isn’t going to help you or make it any clearer. You actually don’t want to be 100% truthful - that is an impossibility. How about you aim for 80% truthful (a much more realistic goal)?

12

I have yet to “pass” one of those personality tests because I have the same problem. I have answered many of the questions with a comment that it’s an impossible question to answer because of the wording. Don’t ever get a call back on those jobs, for some reason. :stuck_out_tongue:

My first thought was answering along the lines that Atrael suggested. I’d expect them to follow up on any odd answers, and then explain the question more clearly.

13

“rules lawyering”, otherwise known as being obtuse or pedantic or simply “being annoying” is not a sign of intelligence. One is generally expected to be able to fill in the gaps in the wording with some common sense to answer a simple yes or no question.

I should mention a former coworker of mine didn’t get fired but he never advanced in his career at my old company because he “rules lawyered” too much.

14

A co-worker of mine had to take a polygraph test for some kind of security clearance thing for a government contract and he said it went down pretty much how Atrael described, in a way. You just have to answer plainly and not overthink it.

Question: “How many times do you lie a day?”
Answer: “Probably 10-15 times a day.”

If someone days “Hi, how are you?” and you answer “Fine.” but really you have a toothache from hell, that’s still a lie. If your boss asks, “Did you mail that document?” and you said “Yes, of course.” and then rush to the mailbox to reall you it, it’s a lie. The security screeners weren’t interested in the fact that he lies 10-15 times a day (that was his estimate), they were more interested in whether or not he would try to cover it up when they were dealing with him.

“Do you know any relatives, friends or personal contacts that are or have been involved in any type of criminal activity?”

Of course. I have friends and relatives who have smoked pot, illegally tresspassed to goof around a construction site, bought cigarette’s underage, I knew a guy who had a single pot plant in his college dorm room, and a former teacher of mine got busted for running a brothel. It’s almost guaranteed that at some point you met someone who “has ever been invovled in any kind of criminal activity”. Even if it was your best friend who stole a comic when you were both 11.

If you say “No. I dont know anyone who has ever been involved in any type of crimial activity.” They know you’re fibbing, but if the polygraph flips out, you may be hiding something big. If you spike when you hear the question that might be an issue too.

“Have you ever lied to someone who trusted you? List them below.”

I have lied to my ex-girlfriend. She asked me if her new haircut made her looks stupid, and HOO-BOY did it ever!. Think “toilet brush with bangs”. But I told her it looked cute. And my mom made me swear I’d never ride my bike on the city streets or get on a motorcycle. To this day, I still swear I’ve never, ever, ever been on a motorbike.

There’s a certain amount they expect because it’s human nature. If the polygraph flips out at that question, then maybe you have secrets that make you prone to blackmail. Like maybe you’ve cheated on your wife, and someone could leverage that info against you.

That was the kind of test my co-worker took. The purpose of his test was to determine if he was susceptible to blackmail or bribery because he was going to be in a facility where he would have access to technical plans to military stuff. If the polygraph shows he lied to his wife about an affair but he’s not too worried about it, he passes the test. The guy who lies to his wife about and affair and registers as super-nervous and scared about it, would not pass the test.

15

I’m going through a similar process myself right now, and have spoken at length with other people who have already been through it. Let me tell you, it’s awkward as hell to be in an interview, trying to impress people with your expansive vocab, smarts, and education, while discussing exactly how many times you’ve smoked pot and tripped on shrooms. And, after said confession, have the interviewer refer to your drug use as a “habit”. :eek: For the record, my usage was twice a month (average) over six years - seems worse in hindsight than it actually was!

Anyway, not only are they trying to figure out your past, and your susceptibility to bribes, and other temptations, they’re assessing your honesty. If you are brutally honest when you’re trying to impress them, and get the job, you’re deemed to be more likely to be brutally honest, and therefore more reliable throughout your career. If you’re planning on being a police officer, honesty is of utmost importance. Therefore, if I were you, I would divulge as much information possible under the umbrella of whatever question is asked.

In my last interview, I was asked to list all of the crimes I have ever committed. Are you kidding me!!! So I just started listing… speeding, underage drinking, illegal drugs, trespassing… oh god, how much time do we have for this interview??.. shoplifting… etc. etc.

I wasn’t/am not perfect, neither are you, but everyone grows up, and learns a thing or two on the way. My official two cents is to be as honest and forthright as possible. Nobody’s perfect, and chances are the person interviewing you has done, or knows people who have done the same illicit activities as you and yours!

Good luck!

16

Oh, that remnds me. The questin that had my co-worker floored was: “When did you last commit a crime or illegal act?” (Or some variation on that question.)

He had no idea.

17

Is there any evidence that polygraph results correlate with anything, anything of significance at all? Of course, there is a belief that they track stress, but is that actually supported? [And is there any scientific reason to believe that this, furthermore, would track honesty?]

You may not have to worry about “rules lawyering” at all. You may not have to worry about a damn thing, except what the test administrator is predisposed to interpret the test results as.

18

That’s the way I see it. It’s a way to trick people into divulging more information than they usually would, and a way for the administrator to justify his decision.

19

Any time the subject of polygraphs comes up, I can’t help but think back to a scene from the short-lived series Profit. The title character puts a tack in his shoe before submitting to a test, enabling him to screw up the results by pricking himself at the appropriate moments.