I sang in front of an audience for the very first time yesterday…and I fluffed it! I didn’t hit the high notes, nerves took over and I giggled and made an arse of myself and there were about thirty people watching and I was being judged. I got a distinction for my singing and 80/100 which I think is too much for my awful perfomance.
Trouble is I keep going over it in my mind and cringing at myself.
Does anyone have stories to share of their own failures in public or I don’t know, it sounds dramatic but I feel really quite stupid and lonely and like I’ve let people down.
I promise you that you are being far harder on yourself than your audience are. Have you ever been in an audience when someone fluffed it? how did you feel towards that person?
As long as they didn’t pay big money they’ll be happy that they were entertained.
Performing in public is something that you will get better at. The improvement curve has peaks and troughs but it is pretty much always upwards.
You got 80/100 and distinction? Sounds like you did pretty good. Maybe you didn’t reach the standard you were after, but that’s not a failure. A failure would be, you know, failing.
How many of those 30 people would have had the balls to get up in front of people and sing?
Story 1
A few years ago I sang and played guitar at our local music festival’s open mic. Unfortunately they use the open mic as a sort of sound check, and I was second in the lineup. They still didn’t ave the kinks worked out, and the sound kept cutting out during my first two songs. Really wrecked my second one, which was a funny song and depended on timing. I got flustered and forgot to change my capo, so I sang one of the songs in the wrong key.
At the end of the second, majorly ruined song, the sound had been fixed, but the MC tried to rush me off the stage because they were running behind on time, but I was scheduled for 3 songs, and I was damned if I’d finish that way. I insisted that I had one more song and I was going to do it, and yes it was short. It was an a cappella that I knew I could nail (I don’t play guitar on stage anymore because I suck), and I did.
Afterward, several people complimented me not only on my singing, but also because I didn’t fall apart or run off the stage. What else was I supposed to do?
Story 2
A friend of mine took a plunge and auditioned to sing with a tribute band. She has a lovely voice but does not like to sing in front of other people, but she knows she needs to get over that. The audition went poorly and I can’t recall the exact nature of her flubs, but the band members were completely understanding and encouraging, and gave her several tries at different songs as she was obviously nervous. She knew she didn’t get the gig, but she still had fun and considers it a good experience in that she survived her first audition.
On Facebook she had a little typo and posted that she “bombed the trout” (tryout), which resulted in all kinds of funny jokes about fish warfare. We now use the term “bombed the trout” for just getting out there and jumping in with both feet and no fear, and damn the consequences.
Moral of the stories: Just keep going and be glad you got up there. You’ll do better, but only if you try, try again!
Concur with the others that your result was hardly a failure, but I know that it is frustrating when you feel you are capable of better and you didn’t get to show it. But as long as you know your real ability yourself, surely that’s what counts.
My story. I play Irish music and I know someone who, within that genre, is very famous. He once invited me up on a little stage in front of a full pub, made a big song and dance about how good my playing was, and then shushed the pub. I foolishly decided to play a tune which I had recently learned a new and better version of. But it hadn’t had time to sink in so I got it completely mixed up with the old version and I messed up so badly I actually had to stop (that rarely happens to me). I wanted the floor to swallow me up. But later on I thought: "well, my famous friend and other friends present knew how I really play, I know how I really play and the rest of the audience, well, they’ll probably forgot about it after 30 minutes. This kind of “shame” is, in a way, a type of egoism as well: Most people are way too busy worrying about themselves to worry overly much about your “failures”, be they musical or other.
Reposted from a most embarrassing moments thread in 2004:
Many horrible things are flashing through my mind, but I finally thought of one I can bear to tell:
One summer when I was about ten years old, Grandma sent me to Vacation Bible School. I was put into a group which consisted of me (a girl) and four or five boys of about the same age. Our teacher decided to have us sing a song for the whole congregation on the last night. She chose “Go Tell It on the Mountain” and had us practice every day, although we repeatedly told her that it was pitched too high for us to sing. On that fateful evening, we got up before the assembly, and the piano player started to play, when shockingly, all the boys were struck dumb! Rather than let our teacher down, I bravely undertook to sing a solo. I squeaked and screeched my way determinedly through the song, s-ss-tr-ai-ning to hit the harder notes, while the boys tried to drill holes in the carpet with their feet. When it was over, the teacher said apologetically to the stunned congregation, “She kind of leads them in everything!” Said the preacher, “She certainly does.” o:o:o:o
I feel your pain, man. I just wanted to let you know you’ll never get over it.
No, seriously, everybody in the audience was probably rooting for you, and now they’ve forgotten it. You’ll do better next time!
You are being too hard on yourself, which I totally get. I’m like that too, but seriously, think about how you’d feel sitting in the audience in such a situation. We’ve all had our nervous moments, so we understand and still think you’re brave to get up on the stage in the first place. And it sounds like you sang well anyway. You didn’t fail at all.
focus on what went well. that’s not to say that you shouldn’t be self-critical; but don’t just talk about what you didn’t like about your performance; remember what went well, and keep working on it.
keep doing it. the more often you perform in public, the more self-confident you will get and you will develop a more objective standard of how well you did. next time you perform in public, keep reminding yourself of what went well the last time and promise yourself to build on that success.
talk to someone who was there and ask for an honest assessment of how it went.
As sandra_nz said, Distinction and 80/100 doesn’t sound like abject failure; in fact, it sounds pretty good!
Disclaimer: I don’t know anything about music performances, but I’m a court-room barrister with a couple of decades experience. Points 1, 2 and 3 are how I got better in assessing my performance after court, and what I now say to junior lawyers.
I agree with the “too hard on yourself” responses. Most people appreciate how hard it is to perform, and they’re probably not even aware of the mistakes (they only know what you did, not what you were supposed to do).
I play guitar and sing in a band, and lord we are not good. After every show, I tell everyone I’m quitting because we suck so bad. Everyone that watches us though has a good time and could care less about the mistakes. So, how do we get over failing in public? Alcohol…lots and lots of alcohol. In fact, sometimes we only get paid in alcohol.
why do you think bars near courthouse are filled with lawyers at the end of the week? we’re all re-hashing our cases and seeking solace from our colleagues. plus beer.
One of my favorite bars in Lexington, KY is across from the courthouse and it’s called the Sidebar. It took me a few beers to get it.
For public failings, read the story of Bernard Watson. He was an unknown kid from Miami who got to open the Live Aid concert in Philly. Broke a string, dropped his pick and got probably the biggest ovation of the day (I was there!).
It was more embarrassing than anything, I have a very sensitive cringe-o-meter and when I cracked on the high notes I was thinking of how awkward the audience was feeling. Also the way my singing teacher looked at me afterwards, total disappointment.
Also a poster mentioed ego, yeah I guess that was part of it, a friend had travelled a couple hundred miles to hear me sing, my family had never heard me sing before and also I was confident for the first time in my life after the rehearsal went so well. Pride comes before a fall. But as your advice says I’ve got to keep going (even though I was too ashamed to even be in the same room as a musical instrument for my own crimes against music) if I’m planning on singing opera in public then I guess I’ve got keep pushing my voice higher which may probably end with me falling on my arse a few more times too, huh?
By reducing your ego to smithereens. Remind yourself that 100 years from now, you and everyone in that room will be rotting in the ground, feasted upon by maggots. No one will know nor care that any of us ever existed. On top of that, everything we hold dear is just one tiny rock in the vast nothingness of space.
In performance, the audience pretty much just remembers the end. The key to singing in public is to keep going. I’ve had everything happen from the accompanist losing her place to being joined by a drunk on stage. Just keep going.
When your mind wants to rehearse the bad parts, slap it upside the head and make it think about I don’t know, flowers. I’m not kidding. Just don’t think about it, it won’t do you any good.
It wasn’t as bad as you thought, I guarantee it. I once was competing in a sheep dog trial and at one point my dog lost control and chased a sheep to the other end of the arena (very bad). I was cast into total gloom for the rest of the day until a friend made me watch a video of my run – the whole terrible episode was about 20 seconds out of a ten minute run, but in my mind it took up the whole thing.
I’ve played Kasparov in a clock simul (which I also organised)
I’ve appeared on Derren Browne’s TV show playing chess (footage might still be on youtube )
I also have had one game published in the UK, the US, Europe, Israel, Australia and other countries.
Because it was the shortest loss ever in the European Team Championship.
So my embarrassment literally spanned the World. :smack:
NN Glee
d4 Nf6
Nf3 b5 (risky, but my opponent was an expert in my regular opening)
o:o:o:o
(which I also organised)
)