I agree completely. Some of the blue-collar Portuguese women at work tell some of the filthiest jokes imaginable and some of them are truly very funny. Some of them are directed at me and I still find them hilarious. My big boss, Nigerian coworker and lots others have no mouth filter so you never can tell what is coming. It is great.
Like I always say, I have no problems with minorities and I live it. It is just uptight white people that I don’t like. I don’t care who you are as long as you are funny and a cool person. I wouldn’t make a very good neo-puritan. If you aren’t funny, it just means you are an asshole and I will find a way to hurt you eventually but I won’t say anything right away because you can’t fix personality disorders.
Depends on the situation, but then, so does my reaction to something that’s offensive and not a joke. One of the reasons why my current team splits in half at lunchtime is that one of the groups has “women are all whores” as one of their favorite conversation subjects.
Following the “might be offensive,” you can ask, “Like, is it racist?” If they say it is, “I’d rather not hear it” is fine.
If the person tells an offensive joke, I’m with Projammer: ask them to explain why it’s funny. Eventually you can let them off the hook with, “Oh, right–is the punchline that Jews are greedy? Okay” or whatever.
As someone else said you don’t have a right not to be offended and I absolutely guarantee that some things that offend the OP will not offend me and vice versa.
I recall laughing my arse off at a holocaust joke, all the while knowing it was offensive and it was meant to be offensive. The context, delivery and underlying purpose of the joke is critical to ones reaction to it.
When Chris Rock talks about African American culture, and his punch line is, “I hate niggers!” it’s hilarious (I believe that is actually one of his routines). Chris Rock doesn’t have immunity simply because he is black, but because he means something totally different than if a southern redneck stood up and said, “I hate niggers!”
Ask them to explain the joke. “I don’t get it. I still don’t get it. Explain it please.” Then put on your best shocked face and say in an incredulous, very puzzled voice “WHAT? You find that FUNNY?”
I don’t get offended by jokes, or most anything else either. My opinion of the person telling them may change depending on the reason for telling such a joke, but I’m not going to take offense. It’s just like, their opinion, man.
Count me among those who are almost never offended by anything, least of all jokes. And I’m certainly not going lecture another adult about what is and is not acceptable.
If it’s funny in spite of being offensive, then I laugh. If it’s offensive just to be offensive, the blank stare generally works. “I don’t get it” is reserved for those that didn’t get the hint the first time.
Me too. I’m 60 years old have yet to hear a joke worth getting butthurt over.
I’m a southern redneck. I grew up in Dixie with people that are, quite literally, carbon copies of Jeff Foxworthy’s comedy characters. And I find his show absolutely hilarious. Jokes about southerners are hilarious. As are the jokes about blacks, Jews ,Polish, women, Moslems, Catholics… you name it. People are funny.
So to answer the OP’s question about how I handle it: At work I have to tiptoe through the PC minefield like everyone else, but other than there I go ahead and laugh.
1-The teller. Like, is this someone I know well? Are they actually sharing a joke they find amusing, albeit socially unacceptable? Is the raconteur obviously just trying to be obnoxious? Has this person got a history of saying offensive shit to me to get my goat? Is s/he just someone who doesn’t know any better? Most controversially, what’s the relation of the teller to the subject?*
2-IS IT FUNNY OR NOT?
*A personal anecdote that’s germane: not long ago, I encountered an older black man who was panhandling using the old “tell ya a joke for a quarter” strategy. I guess he liked my face because he ran down his whole routine for me. The jokes were edgy, dirty and would probably be “borderline” to most people here. Then he laid down his grand finale. It was a real jaw dropper: screamingly funny, but pretty damned offensive (the punchline involved THAT WORD). If a white guy had told me that joke I’d have been offended, because I’d figure he was a racist who had pegged me for another one. The old-timer, on the other hand, got every penny of change in my pocket for making me bust a gut right out on the city street. Was the joke less offensive because the teller was black? Probably; I’d give a lot more slack to a person from a down-power group who told a joke on his own folk than I would to a member of the up-power group doing the same; there’s victimization in the latter case which isn’t in the former. Did I question myself for laughing? Sure, an hour or so later, but I didn’t let it bug me that much. Take that as you will.
