I have always hated jokes and can’t remember ever genuinely laughing at one. They are the ultimate conversation stoppers. They are always told by the most boring member of any group, the sort who has no amusing or entertaining anecdotes about their own sorry existence. In a misguided attempt to win instant popularity, the joke-teller will demand your attention (and silence) so that he (it’s always a he) can relate his pathetic gag. Needless to say, this is never remotely amusing and any laughter that results is borne from embarrassment and a desperate desire to fill an awkward silence.
Don’t get me wrong I love to hear people talk about the amusing things that happen in their lives. Just don’t ask me to stay in the same room when someone starts with the “Have You Heard The One About…?” routine. And I haven’t even started on why so many jokes depend on ridiculing every member of society (women, gays, blacks) except the rich white bigots who crack them…don’t let them tell you that jokes help to break down barriers between people - they help to reinforce all shades of prejudice.
It’s called a “foot long pianist”.
Duck says, “I used to have a foot long pianist”.
Guy carrying the duck says,“Yeah, and a pianist like that, you don’t eat him all at once”…
You obviously don’t hear the same jokes that I do nearly every day.
There is very little worse in this world than a horribly mangled joke-telling. The only thing worse that comes to mind is the occurence of someone telling you about the dream they had the other night. A good joke can be humorous, although even the best jokes often don’t deserve the huge amounts of laughter they get.
And then the bartender says, “Voodoo dick my ass!”
No, but it’s interesting. I write humor (hopefully soon professionally). I’ve thought a lot about what makes things funny, so I’d like to comment.
The guy who stands up to tell a joke is putting himself in the role of an entertainer. That’s true even if he’s insensitive and dull. As with anybody, there are people I like to be entertained by, and ones I don’t. Humorists aren’t always pathetic, a few like Steve Martin and Victor Borge have other major talents.
Racist jokes do promote racism, but similar ones (there’s a nun, a rabbi, and a minister…) often make rather pointed social comments in a relatively non-destructive way.
There’s a wide spectrum of humorous responses, all the way from being amused to outright choaking laughter. What I like about all of them is that they keep me alert–almost by definition humor is surprising. Hence I’d agree with hajario that if you can figure out the punchline the joke less effective. Writing humor and telling jokes can be really difficult, and we in our society cut a lot of slack for the person who “made a good try”, because next time they might tell a howler. It needs practice.
What I liked about “The Straight Dope” books right away was Cecil’s abuse of people asking (usually) honest questions. That makes me laugh for a few reasons: a) it’s unexpected, b) it shows Cecil as a human being with sometimes comic emotions, c) it creates a very clear picture (for me) of some honest sucker being humiliated for natural curiosity. Since that happened to me more than a few times in school, I can relate. In a more profound way, however the ridicule also has a point: it’s saying that the question is acknowledged, and the reason for it being a taboo/stupid/unpopular is also acknowledged.
“It’s hard to commit a crime while telling a joke.”
I too am rarely amused by people telling jokes. They usually seem pointless, irrelevant, and too long. The payoff (frequently some weak pun) is almost never worth the setup. I would rather hear people tell funny stories about real events in their lives, or make humorous remarks about the current situation or conversation.
This joke is my favorite ever. But I argree that there are plenty of boring people telling old jokes that aren’t funny.
And I just can’t fake laughing. So if you say something that’s meant to be funny but isn’t to me, I’m forced to come up with a funny retort, because I don’t to be rude and just mutter a non-committal “eh”.
I too, write some of my own humor and have done small amounts of standup. If you think all jokes are boring, you have not been hanging out with the right people. Joke telling is an art that rarely sees proper administration. You have to be an excellent story teller or ranconteur (recounter of stories) to do a joke proper justice. Clumsy joke telling is merely a form of inobtrusive torture and nothing more. Watch a Victor Borge tape sometime if you want to see truly refined humor.
If you truly cannot stand even good, well-told jokes then I pity you. I cannot imagine life without a sense of humor and think it would hardly be worth living. Anyone who thinks it is easy to come up with original humor and jokes especially, should take a crack at it sometime. It is a demanding and difficult job, just in case you didn’t know.
What I hate is people who interrupt because they think they know the punchline. It doesn’t matter that they’re wrong, because they’ve ruined their own, and others’, appreciation of the real punchline.
Also, I have this one joke that no one ever gets. It’s really a joke to hear, not to read, so y’all probably won’t get it either, but here goes.
A: I know a guy who bowled 300 and won (listener hears “one”).
B: That’s impossible.
A: Ever see someone bowl three hundred and lose?
But in my case, it continues as
B: You can’t bowl 301.
A: No, I mean, he bowled 300 and he won.
B: 300 is a perfect game. There’s no such thing as 301.
I can’t decide if this is a really good joke or a terribly self-contradicting statement. Jonathan, do you realize you’re complaining about prejudices while being prejudiced yourself?
Well, I can see this is getting ugly fast, so let me interject this anecdote.
My new boss started on a Monday morning, and asked me to show him around. When we got the the supply cabinet, I stopped and said:
“Here is where we keep the pens, pad, markers, and such.” Then I threw open the doors and yelled “SUPPLIES!”
He gave me a totally blank stare.
I knew immediately we were not going to get along. As a litmus test, I tried the joke out about 15 more times throughout the day on other people. Every single one laughed.
When I traveled for work, I used to ALWAYS say “I just flew in from NY…Boy are my arms tired!” It cracked me up, anyway.
My basic philosophy is “fuck 'em if they can’t take a joke”
Zette
(Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? 'Cause they taste funny!)
Of course, what was I thinking. It is a fact that women never tell jokes and nobody ever makes fun of richwhitemen.
Jonathan, I apologize for my short-sightedness. You’re not being prejudiced in any way. (not that it’s a bad thing in being prejudiced, or is it open-minded-challenged?).
I also hate puppies, spring days, and sunshine. Geez, lighten up. If the joke-tellers you know seem that bad at it, either a.)get some new friends or b.) get a sense of humor.