elbows, thank you so much for pointing this out. It’s just the wake up call I needed.
But what is character? How is character? Do you know what your character is? Do you have strong character? Where is a character test when you need one?
A certain austrian paper-hanger was supposedly quite nice to animals and children, a non-smoker, and nominally a vegetarian.
And what about people who hunt? They certainly can’t be construed as being “nice” to animals, but the hunters I know are good people.
I’d have to agree, what people find humorous is key. I’ve always felt revulsion of people who find humor in others misfortune.
‘for example, went out to eat with my manager the other day…total bitch, kept asking where our food
was, rude to our nice server’
That is NOT character, that is attitude.
A strong character can face adversity well. & in adversity, his character strengthens.
Some people can’t laugh at themselves. I can’t. Does this make me a bad person? Not to people who know me. Certainly not to my wife.
I will assume that people here use common sense when finding someone who is otherwise a normal person, but just can’t laugh at themselves. Some people are perfectionists when it comes to their personal behavior. Is there a valid reason why this person isn’t laughing at himself?
Breast size.
Seriously, I think the most important judge of character is consistency. Almost all people, when we first meet, try to make a good impression. If a person is consistent to that first impression when something goes wrong, be it minor or major, is the key.
V.
Gotta say I’ve always used the “animal and “subordinate”” test. Glad to know I’m not alone- I have never trusted anyone who didn’t like or respect animals.
Another one: When I was a young man, my father said a man of character would do the following: Give you a good,firm handshake, look you in the eye, and do what they said they were going to do. Kind of male-centric I know, but I find myself using that test alot.
I don’t think the handshake thing is awfully male centric. Its how I test people and how I try to live. I guess I judge someone’s character by how they judge people. I like people, almost all of them, and the people I like as friends are the ones who respect and like people too.
I judge by actions. The Golden Rule really is key. Wanna beat around the bush with me? Wanna play head games? Then fuck off. I don’t need you.
Treat me how you want to be treated.
Generosity. If a person is always taking, never giving, then I get annoyed with them. I’m a giving person, but I’m not a doormat. On the other extreme, I am uncomfortable around the martyr type. If you’re always a giving victim, you’ll eventually drive me away.
I consider the level of a person’s analness (New word, there) to be an indication of that person’s general self esteem and stress level. I prefer to hang with laid back folks. I don’t like to feel like i always have to be at my best around someone.
Looks.
Well, there’s kindness to animals and there’s “KINDNESS TO ANIMALS”. Went out with this person to a picnic with a bunch of friends next to a lake up north. Didn’t really know her really well but she seemed a nice person – kindness to animals, treats waiters nice etc. Volunteers at the food-bank – the whole nine yards.
Ran into a flock of Geese at the picnic site. One of the geese had only one foot. Looked like an old (very old) healed injury with a stump where the foot may once have been. Probably cut in a trap - or so it looked. Bird was eating, walking and generally looked in fine spirits – as far as one can tell, was in a bunch of other birds – so not exactly abandoned – in other words behaving like a normal goose-with-a-missing-foot dysfunction would behave…
Said companion made an issue out of it. Big issue. Called 911 on the cellphone, called animal shelter, called hospital, called lord knows whom else. Made dash back to the cars to look for blankets, first-aid kit, and stuff for the bird.
Then it began to rain. Imagine if you will, eight soaking picnickers hunkered under trees waiting for the animal rescue folks. Couldn’t sit in the car since we (all) had to keep an eye on the goose.
Made us all feel like fascists if we even thought about ‘abandoning’ the bird. First thing, the ambulance drives up looking for a Ms. Goose… with trauma equipment. Boy were they mad! Then the fire/rescue arrived – with the same results…
The bird? Well, as soon as the first ambulance arrived, the flock (or whatever a ‘bunch’ of geese are called) looked around and took off. Just us wet folks under the tree…
Point is, there are a lot of people who look good on paper but can be a real pain in the putkiss. She is absolutely fantastic to waiters (fawns on them – will do without a glass of water because it would be too much trouble to ask an over-worked-underpaid worker … you get the idea… but can be a real ‘bitch’ to friends and acquaintances… Oi!
So? Only time will tell dude. Only time.
that and the quality of her tits - of course…
[lisp]“Oh look! It’s a gaggle of gay gooses!”[/lisp]
Play golf with them.
“Never does a man stand so naked as to a discerning eye all dressed for golf” Shivas Irons
I judge character in several ways.
What they say about other people when they’re not around them. If someone speaks poorly of others they’ll never peg my character meter.
How honest they are. If they get an extra 5 bucks in change at the grocery store, do they give it back ? If they keep it and brag about their good fortune, they ain’t got it.
How do they act when things get tough ? Do they whine and complain and point fingers or do they dig in and fix it. Constantly fixing blame is a sign of poor character to me.
If you’re down to the last beer in the cooler, do they offer it around to others before they snatch it ? Selfishness is not concurrent with character.
Finding someone of true character is very rare and I can say I’ve only met less than a dozen people that really have it.
Give the new lady a car test. Lock the doors, unlock hers & let her get in. IF she then unlocks yours for you, she’s the one you want.
My one word answer would be “slowly”.
I’m am big on using sense of humor as a gauge myself.
But I say “slowly” because I think A) first impressions can be wrong and B) people are a complicated mix of traits, and we have a tendency to sum up people too narrowly or quickly (seems to make us more comfortable and less vulnerable to do that). It is tempting to think that just because a person does a bad thing that they are more or less bad people (depending on whatever sort of “bad” thing really pushes your buttons). Likewise, I might like someone at first and later discover something awful about them. But people are usually a mix of good and bad qualities, and it is seldom realistic to reduce them to “generally good” or “generally bad”.
The big ACA three, watch for: don’t talk, don’t trust, don’t feel.
Humor. Integrity. Ability to apologize. Consistency. Loyalty. Respect for boundaries. Gives others the benefit of the doubt. Values other perspectives.
I’m going to have dinner with someone tonight who fails on at least six of those. Sigh.
Anyone else have “friends” that are easier to keep up with than excise from your life? I keep her at arm’s length now, but can’t manage the final break.