Do any acts or behaviors signal to you that someone is, deep down inside, a good person or a bad person?
I know some people look at how others treat people in low paying service jobs like waiters or cashiers to determine how people really are inside.
I’ve always looked at whether they have genuine friendships or not as well as how they act with kids or animals. How they react to social pariahs or people down on their luck (are they vengeful and full of contempt for people who society doesn’t penalize them for treating with contempt?), etc. also comes up. Are any of these tactics actually effective, what do other people do?
The motives they ascribe to others. It’s one thing when someone shows you who they are and you believe them, and it’s another when their entire identity is made up out of whole cloth that you’ve pulled out of your ass.
If they badmouth their exes. I have nothing against an observation or two, but if your world revolves around what an asshole they were and how you’re still seething with anger? Kick 'em to the curb.
If they subtly dodge responsibility. Never have enough to cover the check, manage to always not refill the copier / get the trash out on time / miss lunch plans / whatever.
Black or white thinking. Everyone I’ve ever know who exclusively engages in that behavior have been people I have wished I didn’t know long-term.
People who talk, but cease to show any interest when it’s someone else’s turn, are very alarming to me. People who talk all the time, and don’t take turns at all, are even more dismaying.
Monomaniacs are also giving you a free warning sign. When you meet someone for the first time, and they bring up the Gold Standard (or any other very specific topic) three times in thirty minutes, you have every reason to be on high alert.
One of the things that tell me someone is doing a role which requires him to be polite, but he actually isn’t, is if they will do it horribly (lack of practice) and who they do it for. Only the person they’re trying to sell themselves to? I’m not buying.
Listen to what they say about themselves. I had a really bad relationship at one point, but I could have known what was in store if I just assumed she was being honest when she talked about the amount of strife in her prior relationships, certain patterns she tends to follow, and how she manipulates people near her. From what I’ve seen, a lot of people will paint an accurate picture of themselves, but it’s easy to say ‘he’s handsome’ or ‘I’m in love with her’ and gloss over it.
Gosh, I think this is a really interesting question and I will continue to ponder it after I post. The initial thing that comes to mind for me is how a person reacts when you disagree with them. In my experience, it’s not even a person’s opinions that make them decent, so much as how willing they are to listen to people who disagree with them, and can engage in an honest and courteous discussion about the topic without getting angry or talking over the other person.
We always make sure our receptionist has some interaction with any job applicant before we see him or her. As stated above, you can tell a tremendous amount about a person by how they treat people they see as underlings.
I am also wary of people who seem to have no sense of humor. I understand that some people are just very serious and literal by nature and make allowances for that, but considering I’m looking for individuals who will be a good fit in a team-oriented workplace, the humorless are tough for others to work with.
It’s not particularly subtle, but does the person in question leave in their wake a string of broken relationships? Does everyone tell the same sort of horror story about them, going back decades? In that case, there may be a honeymoon period where everything is great, but you can be sure that eventually the same thing will happen to you.
oh gawd. I was leaving Meijer one time. I started my car and as I was putting it into reverse some dumbfuck who had just finished loading up her car (a few spaces away) walked the empty cart a few steps, and just left it right behind my car and walked away.
Aspergers patients are reputed to have difficulty reading body language, but in my experience, that actually helps to judge people. Most people have developed a stage body language that they hide behind, which fools most people, but I believe that it is that false front that Aspergers cannot read, and actually see right through. I have found during my lifetime that I have very rarely trusted someone whom I should not have. I find posturing quite easy to spot.
This nails it. Dont be fooled by back-slappers among their peers.
As for myself, I get a good feeling or bad feeling right away about people I meet. This is a fairly complex set of things my brain determines very quickly and I couldn’t tell you all the variables which determine good/bad.
But I guess one thing would be if they are mentally healthy or not. Taking a psychology class or reading about abnormal psychology would be a good start. Also psychological testing. One clue is the colors of clothes a person is wearing - learn about color psychology.
How they are dressed - really wild or quite different from everyone else in that setting? Or the same general attire? (Note someone may walk into a grocery store wearing a tuxedo because he is on the way to/from his high school prom - So there are exceptions to this!)
Another thing is “free association” - an ink blot or statement which is nothing. How the person responds to that is quite revealing of what is inside the person. For example I was talking with a criminal sociopath type of person (no feelings and very selfish). I mentioned that on the news numerous people were killed by a shooter at a college in California… He said “I don’t care about that because I do not know any of those people!” Buzzzzzt! He just failed the mental health test!
And then if a person is a criminal type or trustworthy. If they look you in the eyes when talking. If they do what they say. Follow laws and the rules of society or are totally against that idea. Pay bills on time and repay money which has been loaned to them. Return things when they should - offer to fix things they break. Have a criminal record. Poor or good credit. Good or bad driving record.
There are people who build and fix things and those who wreck and destroy things. The movies they prefer to watch can be a good indicator of this.
Basically you can pick up things as the person talks or you discuss things in the news. Observe what they are wearing, personal hygiene, body language, their actions or lack of actions. Do they talk “normally” or say weird or bizarre things?
Note that with “texting”, you can not observe much of the above. A LOT of information is lost!
I don’t think the tells are all that subtle, honestly, but I also think it’s much too simplistic to categorize people as simply good or bad.
The most important thing for me is how well someone keeps their word. Even if it’s something as simple as meeting for lunch at noon. Whether they are on time and how they react to it tells me a lot about the degree to which they hold themselves accountable for their actions. I can live with someone being a total asshole as long as I can trust them to do what they said they’d do.