How people treat service staff (waiters, cashiers, etc).
Could you expand on the statement in bold, please? (bolding mine) I often think of body language as precisely one of those subtle tells the OP is referring to, and I’m surprised that you would think of it as a distraction from the person’s true character.
I severely judge people on how they approach parking in a busy lot. Do they add to the confusion by going up to the front and contesting for the nearest spots or do they head for the back of the lot and park in the first empty spot at hand. I get along more with latter type; the type that wants to get in and out without drama or hassle. The former type I view as self-important, pretentious assholes.
Do they use the word “illegal” as a noun?
They definitely get further scrutiny.
Once at Walmart (I know, I know), I saw a couple load their car and then abandon their shopping cart. Generally most folks will at least push their cart into an empty spot or between cars rather than leaving it in the travel lane. Well, the wife just left the cart smack dab in the middle of the travel lane.
Since I was not in a hurry, I paused and watched them with my best “I’m judging you” expression. So I had the pleasure of witnessing the husband execute a 47 point turn to escape his parking spot. You see, there was a shopping cart in his way. I wish I had recorded it.
Lots of good ones in this thread.
Adding: how they handle frustration, and how well they control their temper.
How they respond when other people around them get “good things” (for lack of a better word) when they don’t. Do they show genuine happiness, feigned happiness, concealed anger, what? Are they sore losers?
How well they can see past an off-putting or difficult surface to see the good underneath. I have a specific context in mind – Probably all of us know at least one person who is a really great human being, but there’s something about them that might put people off at first meeting. Maybe they have terrible grammar and seem uneducated, or sound like a Valley Girl, but they’re really smart and extraordinarily good at their jobs; maybe they’re really gruff or really mousy, but have hearts of gold; etc. I watch the way the Person of Interest reacts to and assesses these people.
How they interact with service industry people
How they handle tipping
How do they rebuff or deal with panhandlers/homeless
How do they handle being near kids, especially if they are misbehaving
Their reactions to someone who has trouble communicating (either due to disability, lack of the same shared language, or other issues)
The rule(s) about waiters, cashiers, etc. is “How do they treat people who can’t hit back?”.
The corollary is - what do they do for others without expecting a return?
Did you ever see something in a store and think “This would be perfect for my poker buddy” and just give it to him? Someone who you could ignore without consequence, but you do something nice anyway?
“Practice Random Kindness; Commit Senseless Acts of Beauty” - to what extent does this person aspire to this idea?
Traffic is backed up 3 blocks at the light, and someone wants to enter traffic. You owe this person nothing and would be expected to continue blocking her. What do you do?
And anybody, who, when caught screwing up, immediately explains how, no matter what it LOOKS like, he is absolutely blameless. “I thought maybe the old lady WANTED to be run over! All old women want to be run over where I come from!”.
Whether they judge someone instantly, or wait longer to understand what the real situation is. (i.e, “He’s been skipping work on and off on a weekly basis for years! What a lazy bum!” as opposed to waiting longer and finding out that that person requires dialysis because of failing kidneys.)
It’s not subtle, but: littering. If a person knowingly litters that is all that you need to know about that person. They are trash.
There are a couple but one thing that makes my blood boil is if I catch a person, red-handed lying, or say stealing, something wrong. If that person continues to deny reality and lie to my face, like I’m some two year old that will believe the lie, I can’t stand that kind of behavior, just fess up and I will respect you more.
Oh God, story told before.
I had an interview for a job as supervisor of my local water-treatment plant; the interviewer was a woman about my age. At one point she asked me about my research, as the resume listed my Masters. I asked “how are you with Chemistry?”, she gave me a huge smile and said “I’m a Chemist. In fact, you’d be replacing me as I’ve been promoted to area manager.” So I explained with all the technobabble.
Ran into her a few days later, she’d been over-run and run-over, forced to hire somebody’s nephew who’d been a complete asshole and kept calling her “honey” through the interview. Told me I would have been her first pick and part of the reason was that question.
A few months later she accepted a new job as manager of the local wastewater treatment plant. The guy she’d been forced to accept? Didn’t last half a year.
Sorry, I am confused… Why did asking that question “How are you with chemistry?” disqualify you? I cannot understand what went wrong here.
You’re misreading it. The interviewer was forced to hire someone obnoxious but connected over Nava, and told Nava that she liked Nava’s response to the question. What went wrong was entirely outside influence, she would have hired Nava if it was up to her.
Oh, oops I get it. The interviewer liked Nava’s question and it would have helped **Nava **get hired.
I thought it meant, the interviewer would have hired **Nava **but Nava’s question backfired.
This is a good one. Are they quick to assume the worst intentions? Or are they inclined to give someone the benefit of the doubt? When someone puts a lot of energy into attributing malice to what often times is unintentional, I start to question how charitable they are in general and whether they are simply projecting their own motivations to others.
There are certain body language characteristics that people have adopted, which are relatively blatant, compared to the subtle subconscious ones. So much so, that the general public sees that loud noise of staged body language, masking the more subtle cues underneath. Since Aspergers are generally reluctant to be socially and publicly demonstrative, they have not learned to posture themselves according to social conformities, and as such, pay less attention to them, allowing the more subtle cues to leak through the costume intended to hide them. There are even courses one can take to teach one how to create a misleding but desirable body-language posture.
I can’t link to a source to support that, it is just my theory based on my own Asperger reaction to people around me.
Yesterday, I sat next to a person on a plane ride who fits the bolded portion to a tee.
The first words she spoke were to ask me to trade seats with her (I was at the window). When I refused, she proceeded to talk pretty much for the duration of the two-hour flight. A 24-year-old, she said she planned to make her first million before she was 30, “because I wasn’t put here on this earth to live paycheck to paycheck”. I thought about asking what occupation she planned to do this with, but I couldn’t get a word in.
She also informed me that the zika virus was created by the government, which she learned by “doing (her) own research”.
Upon noticing the book I drifted back to reading, she informed me that a character in a movie she’d recently seen was reading it, and that I HAD to see that movie.
Or: do they judge people based on “subtle ‘tells’”?
I’m defining “decent human being” as someone I’d likely feel comfortable spending a lot of time around.
Do they talk badly about someone who makes a simple mistake? Do they make a big deal out of harmless (albeit possibly mildly irritating) personality quirks? Do they frequently broadcast their prejudices and stereotypical views? Do complain more than they praise? Do they speak as if their opinions are more important than everyone else’s? Are they quick to talk shit about people behind their back?
All of these signs point to how compassionate a person is. That’s the personality trait I value the most.