I consider myself a very tolerant and friendly person. Personality tests and skill assessments always ask questions about how well people know you after first meeting you, how comfortable you are in a room full of strangers, whether you can get along with almost anyone, etc. I answer positively to all of those questions and score very high on the extraversion scale.
But there are some people who I do NOT like, from the get-go.
These people share two common traits: 1) They are condescending and speak to me as if I were a child. 2) They tell me what to do or criticize me within the first few minutes of meeting me.
I will venture to say that most people would be put off by this sort of introduction. If I get this kind of greeting upon meeting someone, I will never trust them or change my negative first impression of them.
What rubs you the wrong way when you meet someone?
Closely related is the concept of women being able to detect shady men right off the bat. I have met certain men and IMMEDIATELY felt the presence of evil. I know this sounds like an exaggeration. It’s not. Something about these guys makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable; for me, the feeling is related somehow to sexual assault, molestation or something. It’s a dirty feeling; the opposite of instantaneous sexual attraction.
Have other Doper women had this feeling I’m talking about?
Ah, yes. May I nominate those who have to toss their credentials in your face before you’ve released from the handshake? They may adopt a self-deprecating tone of voice or false modesty, but they most definitely want you to know of their worth. It may be their job, the car they drive, their degree, their Alma Mater, or something they’ve done, but they have to work it into the conversation immediately so you know from the start that they are very important. :rolleyes:
I’ve got a friend who I’ve known for years. He and I have been there for each other in good times and bad. But he absolutely must let everyone know that he was shot. If you don’t notice the scars on his arms, the conversation will somehow get around to guns and shooting, and you’ll soon know the whole story. If he wasn’t such a good friend, I’d never have anything to do with him again. Instead, I see it as a kinda pathetic cry for recognition.
Anyway, the name-dropping, credential-waving always makes a bad impression upon me. In fact, I was just saying to my old friend <insert celebrity name here>…
I know exactly what you mean.
I used to be friends with a girl named D. She met this guy at the local community college, and started telling me how cool he was, etc. I met him once, and that was enough for me. There was just some kind of evil funk eminating from him, and I told her, “ya know what? I don’t like Bob. I think there is something basically bad about Bob, and I will not hang out with him again.” So, she continued to go to lunch with Bob, and hang out with him. Then, one day she told him she couldn’t meet him for lunch, because she had plans with me. Bob freaked out, and told her “well, I’ve bought you this and this and this, the least you can do is come to lunch with me.” For being just a “friend” he got really possesive and creepy really quickly. D cut off contact with him that night.
Two weeks later, he was arrested for raping/molesting several women at the college.
Oh, and as to the creepy guy thing - yeah, I know what you mean. I don’t know what triggers it, but there have been some men who have this aura if ickiness - you just know they’re unsavory.
For some reason, name-dropping doesn’t bug me too much, as long as they don’t do it all the time.
Actually, any “broken record” behavior drives me nuts.
One of my best friends apologizes constantly.
Another friend has to fill every moment with chatter. Usually not a problem unless we’re on a long trip and I seem to notice that she comments on the weather when all other conversation has dried out.
My least favorite: Chronic whining. Notice that I say CHRONIC! Quit frikkin’ whining and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, people!
Hhmm, my “up front put-er off-er” is often to do with guys who don’t engage. You’ll be introduced to a friend’s new SO, and immediately get the “I’m too cool for your friends vibe.”
Actually real life ex) I was introduced to W’s new SO who put off a “I’m too distractedly anguished and suave for this occasion” vibe (a real job, wearing black and everything.) He was a bit of an ass at the gathering, and wouldn’t ya know 3 weeks later he’s threating to commit suicide if W doesn’t “fulfill her obligation to him.” He means of course going to go sleep with him instead of have dinner with friends…She had to prove her commitment to him by giving up her life ASAP. He had her buying it for weeks. Sigh, I knew from the moment I met his tortured soulful gaze, that he was going to end up all weird and manipulative…the burden of intuition!
Critisize me too much full stop. People who are always on my case about shit (my family for one). Constantly doing things wrong in thier eyes.
Overly-arrogant people who assume I want to know thier ass without ever having met me and trying to give me that look of “you know you wanna know me right now” kind of look.
I don’t actually mind this if the person is real funny. I think it can add a real bright spark to my day to hear some real negative shit versed in a (ahem) poetic way. It kind of reminds me I’m not the only one with problems (as selfish as that may be of me).
Tell her she’s got pastrami on her ass - “oh, sorry…”
“You look like crap this morning, ever thought of a hysterectamy being done on your face…?” “Oh…sorry…”
“Your mother is a coward”…“Oh, sorry…”
I don’t see it, but you could give it a try.
My thoughts exactly.
This must be my problem. I’m gonna go buy myself a leather jacket with holes punched in the middle. I’ll try and get an Elvis haircut too. I bet this turns all the ladies on. A couple of road-hound tattoos to boot.
Final nominees (for this evening): Screaming and annoying kids. I swear if I just had a Luger everytime I heard one of those kids yell “I want this! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! That!!! GIMME!!!GIMME!!!” Yeah, I’ll give you three-to-twenty four bullet holes, ya li’l freak! (Sorry to all the mothers out there-realise this horrible description of child abuse in no way reflects the intentions of the author… I would rather someone else do my dirty work)
My roommates new “boyfriend” Julio. For some reason I can’t stand that guy. He’s very nice, and very polite, but he’s too damn familiar if you ask me. They’ve been dating for less than a month, and already he has a million pet names for her. He says he can’t live without her, and he loves her ?!? He seems to be oblivious to the fact (a) they just met and (b) she’s not all that crazy about him. (She’s kind of a user. She has issues but that’s another thread)
He acts like we’re old friends and he has been a part of my life forever. It’s as if he’s my long lost friend…by association. I don’t like people touching me, I’m not a huggy kissy kind of person and I value my personal space. He’s been told this several times, I’ve gone so far as to tell him I’m not comfortable with strangers. Yet this strange guy is now in my apartment sitting too damn close to me on the couch, wanting a hug or casually placing his hands on my person.
I’ve even pointed out to him that just because he’s sleeping with her, doesn’t make him my busom buddy. He just smiles and takes it as a joke, calling me funny.
I have to fight the urge to tell him “we are not friends Julio and if you ever so much as shake my hand again, I’m ripping off your left nut!”.
Something about him sets of my creepy guy alarm. Every time I turn around, it feels like freaking Julio is there.
Not so fast there, Gazelle. Add me in. Yes, it exists. Trust your instincts.
I have a friend who dated a guy who struck me as a creepy pervert right away. I don’t know what it was exactly, but I thought he was just strange from the moment I met him.
He ended up molesting her young daughter, and *then * we found out he was a registered sex offender in two other states. :eek:
I have a hard time dealing with gals who inherently hate other girls or women. The guitar player in my band has a girlfriend like this; she sits and makes fun of every girl in the bar, if she recognizes a girl as having gone to see the band more than two or three times she’ll walk right up and accuse them of stalking him, whatever else, just to exert dominance. I have no idea why she’s never given me a hard time, and I know only one other girl she doesn’t tear into. I guess when they hired me, he told her - I hired Smashed, are you going to freak out about that? (She told me this story herself with relish, thinking it proved her a very cool person.) Gah. I’ve known probably a dozen women like this in my life; jealous, bitter creatures who never quite outgrew third grade.
Greepy guy feeling DEFNITELY exists. I was interviewed about two years ago by a WWeek reporter for work. (WW is our alt. news weekly) The guy creeped me out BAD, and not just the slimy-reporter-digging kind of way, he really made me nervous. I was never so happy to get someone out of my office when he left. Three weeks later he shows up at our house to take one my roommates out on a date - after meeting online (she had him pick her up??? She wasn’t the brightest of people, but sweet as anything…) Three hours later, he ended up getting dragged out the door by the neighbors and arrested because he not only wouldn’t leave, he kept trying to pin Danielle down and make out with her, in front of the other roommates and Danielle yelling. Freaky. He also came back several times, even after she got a restraining order.
I run into another guy on the fringe of my social circle who gives me the same feeling. shiver
Weird, huh? I wonder where the feeling comes from.
I hear you on the “woman who hates other women” thing. I just want to say, “Wow, you’re incredibly insecure, aren’t you?” and take her man just fo’ duh Hells of it.
when the guys who give you the creeps are at the fringe of your social circle it can get really awkward. i’m always torn between lunging for the door, image be damned, and putting on a polite face so my friends-of-friends don’t all think i’m a lunatic. i hate voicing stuff that i really have no good reason to think, does anybody else get into this bind?
perhaps my friends just find creepy dudes with alarming regularity…
More corroboration for CGF phenomena - my friend B met this guy online who lived in our college town, they made plans to meet at Dunkin Donuts THREE times and he stood her up all 3… I told her then that he was a jerk, but then I ran into him at Wal-Mart with her and the Creepy Guy Feeling hit me full force… eventually B stopped hanging out with him, but he hooked up with my other friend K, took her virginity when she was drunk, he was a total pothead, K kept going back to him, he was terribly emotionally abusive and made her suicidal… I had to try so hard to quell the “I told you so” urge… But yes, Creepy Guy Feeling exists.
And as far as people who rub me the wrong way on first meeting - basically what’s already been said. People who are condescending to me, don’t give me even basic respect, or act like I should be on my knees worshipping them for deigning to speak to me… baaaad.
Mine are those people who give you the feeling that they’re judging you - whether it’s based on your clothes, hair or whatnot - from the moment they meet you, and of course you’re not worthy of them.
I’m dealing with a couple of them lately and I just want to scream.
It bugs me when people are too needy. They just have to be your best friend, you must like them! You like something? It’s their favorite, too!
There is a grown man who works in my department who is this way with everyone, but has especially latched on to me for who knows what reason. It has the opposite effect on me; it makes me want to pull away more, and I find myself struggling to be polite to him, when I normally have few problems getting along with anyone.
(getting error messages, apologies if this double-posts)
“What? You had a BBQ last weekend? And didn’t invite us?”
“When we move away you’ll still invite us over, right?”
“Since you have a truck and all we have is a Mercedes SUV, will you help us move for the fifth time in a year? We’ll buy beer!”
“Will you let us stay at your house tonight while we have the hardwood floors in our brand new $300,000 house revarnished? Yeah, I know we’re only giving you a few hours’ notice.”
And to add insult to injury:
“What? You want me to contribute to the AIDS walk? Well… okay, lemme open my Gucci wallet with my diamond-encrusted-pinky-ringed hand and shell out a whole $2.00.”
Haven’t talked to them in over a year. I guess I can stop calling them “friends” now and just call them high-maintenance acquaintences. Thank God they moved out of our “tacky” townhouse community.
Wow, I think I know this person! Or someone just like her who also dates a guitar player (or did when I last saw her several years ago.) Does her name start with J? And rhyme with Montana?
