Inspired by this thread. It’s easy (and disturbing) to note what drops people in your estimation after an initial meeting. What’s harder to do is to figure out what gives people a little boost in your eyes once you encounter them. Of course they could open their mouth and ruin it, or start goose-stepping which would tear it somewhat. But other than that, what makes you think “Hey, this person might be kind of cool”?
For me:[ul]
[li]People named Emily. Never met one I didn’t like.[/li][li]People from my home state, Texas[/li][li]People who are different from me - quite obviously - but still give me the time of day. (I was the only Black guy at a wedding once. My buddy’s BIL grabbed a beer, and we talked football all night. I think he noticed that I was a little uncomfortable and he decided to make a friend.)[/li][li]People from dominant groups who don’t have a problem being in the minority (White folks who can kick it at a party full of Black folks. Straight people who have no problem hanging out with a bunch of gay people. Guys who take classes in women’s studies. Americans who can socialize with people from other countries - in the US, of course. Big caveat - you can’t make a huge deal about it, like “I’m so accepting and embracing of diversity, look at me here at this party!”)[/li][li]People who listen to punk/new wave music from the late 70s/early 80s[/li][/ul]
People who smile. If you smile sincerely when I meet you, I have a tendency to think well of you even when you do silly things. You will be more likely to receive the benefit of thr doubt.
A cool T-shirt that combines The Funny with The Deep Thinking, or which references some obscure geekery. I compliment people on their T-shirts a lot. I might be the only person who does this.
Having deep thoughts about anything.
Liking music that doesn’t get a lot of airtime on Clear Channel stations.
Having opinions–not just to be a contrarian or a joiner, but for the intellectual exercise of feeling a certain way about something.
Being able to play devil’s advocate.
The ability to get spontaneously silly, especially if several fake accents are involved for no particular reason.
That is so cool. I know how it feels; I was one of a small handful of white kids in a several-hundred-child class in my elementary school, and the only Jewish kid, and even in adult life I’ve been to parties and such where I was the only white guy. I have major respect for someone who steps up when they see someone feeling uncomfortable at a party or whatever, instead of just sitting around hoping they go away like people usually do.
I’m a waitress and have to deal with a lot of different people for about an hour apiece. I’ve learned to almost immediately make certain judgements- mostly things like whether they want me to check on them every five seconds, leave them alone completely, or stand around and chat as my workload allows… or whether they’d appreciate mild humor, would stare at me blankly, or would think it was totally inappropriate for a waitress to say anything but, “what can I do for you”. I’ve learned to decide (mostly to amuse myself, as it doesn’t make a difference in how I serve them unless they’re extremely kind or extremely rude) whether I like them or not.
I’m predisposed to liking teenagers. They treat me like I’m a person, not a child. They’re less likely to be rude than adults.
Anyone who walks into my restaurant dressed in a punky or even scene kid or emo kid sort of style is probably someone I’ll get along with. Even better if they’re wearing a band t-shirt for a band I like.
Vegetarians get some automatic cool points from me. It’s just like, “hi, we have something in common!”
Anyone who makes a joke upon first meeting me. Even if it’s a really dumb joke that everyone makes (like the old, “oh this won’t ring up right” “I guess that means it’s free!”) it just sort of shows that you’re not 100% cranky.
Library kids. There are a lot of kids who come into the restaurant all the time. I don’t know if it’s a coincidence or not, but a few from the group will come in with library cards or library books or mention the library to their friends and those are the kids who won’t make trouble or run around screeching or try to lie to get stuff.
I can appreciate funny/outgoing people and people who embellish everyday mundane things with humor.
What I really appreciate is someone who allows a conversation to take its own course and allowing it to have both parties involved. Someone who listens as well as they talk. They’re my favorite types.
Someone without tattoos is such a rarity these days, when I meet one I just want to hug him/her. It’s like, “Yes! There are still some of us left!” Lack of tattoos = automatic warm fuzzy feelings from me.
Ditto for lack of religious belief. Someone could eat babies for breakfast, but if he’s not religious, he’s okay with me.
If they’ve got a T-shirt with some joke on it that most folks wouldn’t get, but I do, that gets them points. Extra extra points of the T-shirt says anything like “Royal Manticoran Navy” or “Havenite State Security”.
Also, if they’re female, being cute helps. Yeah, I’m shallow at times
Also, if I say “Howdy” and they say “Howdy” back, that’s a big plus
I’ll second one of the OP’s:[ul][li]People from dominant groups who don’t have a problem being in the minority [/ul][/li]And add these:[ul][li]Fans of the band Cowboy Mouth (I just know that I’d like Jonathan Chance if I ever met him, even if we have nothing else in common).[/li][li]People who are able to make and sustain direct eye contact. Not the creepy kind, just the confident kind.[/li][li]People with good handshakes – especially women. I can’t stand being introduced to other women and getting that “fingertip” handshake.[/li][li]People who are socially low maintenance. They aren’t complaining about the smoke in the bar, the noise at the concert, the line at the roller coaster, etc. They’re also usually the ones who get along with just about anyone, and find a way to have fun doing just about anything.[/li][li]People who will speak up if something wrong is happening in front of them – e.g., a prejudiced joke is being told or comment is being made, a person who clearly needs help is being ignored, etc. Not people who get pompous, self-righteous, or holier-than-thou, but people who have mastered the “that’s not funny” look and/or who would say, “I’d really appreciate if you didn’t use that word around me.” People who won’t play along with things that aren’t right just because they don’t want to make a “fuss.”[/li][li]People who don’t make assumptions about me. At all. Don’t assume that you know my age, sexual orientation, travel history, level of education, taste in music, political leaning, etc. I try not to make any such assumptions about people I’ve just met, and I greatly appreciate it when others do the same.[/li][/ul]
And yet you came over to talk to me at the Dopefest anyway…
[li]People with good handshakes – especially women. I can’t stand being introduced to other women and getting that “fingertip” handshake.[/li][/QUOTE]
AAAAAAH what is this. I’m a girl. By the age of 10 my father had taught me the perfect handshake. Yet, when I go to shake someone’s hand, the men give me these weak little handshakes like they think they might break my poor widdle fingers, and the girls do that weird flip-the-hand-slightly thing so it feels like I’m playing “shake a paw! shake a paw!” with a puppy. What the hell IS that anyway?
Men (or at least some) have a strong man handshake they use with their male friends. They must be afraid of unleashing this on a non-male and just go too far in the other direction. But yeah, women who just extend their hand and don’t grip or shake
Yeah, lady, I’m covering this job temporarily and don’t need to get to know you; no reason to call me “honey” :eek: . Unfortunately for my replacement, the overly-helpful friendly shtick covered up complete incompetence.
My biggest turn-off when meeting people for the first time is when they only talk about themselves. I don’t mind initiating conversations by asking people about themselves (“What do you do?” “How do you know X?”, etc) but if they fail to act like they’d like to know more about me…or answer everything I say with “yeah, me too. One time…” then they lose major major points from me.
Handshakes are great too. I’m a woman and I always shake hands with men and women. I met one of my friend’s female friends the other day and we shook hands when we met, and when she left. Left me thinking “yeah she is awesome.”
