Phrased a kinder, but more grammatically suspect, way: how do you present yourself likably?
Do you make it a point to help others in need? Do you, ahem, “keep it real” to appeal to people’s sense of authenticity? Are you all about honesty and integrity? Make people laugh through a good sense of humor? By being smart? Considerate and friendly? Authoritative and protective of others? By being weird and unique?
I don’t have an agenda; please reply at ease. I’m asking because I’m curious what people value most about their own character. It seems to me that somewhere along the line, people make a choice of the kind of person they want to be–a personality to cultivate and project.
A soldier, say, might have chosen to focus all in the protecting others bit. They would want to be remembered fondly as a hero and protector. A comedian might have chosen humor to get people to like them. A doper might want to come off as smart and articulate, able to poke holes in any argument (and maybe cranky for bonus points). And so on.
Me personally, I want people to know and like me for being perceptive, that they can count on me to get a joke, to know I’m aware of what’s going on. Of course, I want to be seen as smart and funny and generous and all that too, but I consciously work on asking good questions, making observations, and looking at things from different angles.
Anyway. Those who don’t care if people like you need not reply. I’ll just assume you’re in the keeping it real camp.
I can’t imagine this even being an issue. I am who I am, and people are free to like me or not. I don’t understand the concept of “getting” people to like me.
I like to think I’m laid back, easy to talk to and have a good sense of humor. But as wonderfull as I am (;)) not everyone in this world is destined to get along.
That’s life.
Then you are privileged. Many people have difficulty in making new friends or even developing comfortable relationships with acquaintances and coworkers. It is a very common human problem.
I find listening to people and being really interested in what they have to say a good way. People love to talk about their own lives and interests. It also helps to not and try and hide your own weaknesses and vulnerabilities. I don’t mean bitch and whine about problems (people hate that), rather if you tend to stumble over you own words just go ahead and stumble. It is better than putting on an act of not speaking or trying to force yourself to be eloquent. People are forgiving of personal weaknesses and failures, they are less forgiving of people who appear to be fake, or hiding something, or aloof.
Seriously, be yourself. If you are those things you want to be seen as, then people will notice it. If you’re not those things, then trying to act that way will be noticed as well.
On the other hand, working at being a way you are not can eventually lead to you genuinely being that way. With time and experience, patterns become habits become part of ourselves. Working at being a happier, friendlier, more outgoing person really does lead to being a happier, friendlier, more outgoing person.
Be polite.
Be considerate.
Be funny.
Be knowledgeable about the topic of discussion, or don’t talk.
Offer to help.
Acknowledge your shortfalls and appreciate others’ achievements.
Yep. That wraps it up for me.
And so, if I met you in real life you wouldn’t be polite and considerate?
I find that hard to believe.
I don’t necessarily go out of my way to make others like me, but I realize that behaving in a certain way would make me more amicable. I have to live in society with these people after all.
Of course I’m considerate, but that’s because I’m not an asshole. I feel bad when I treat people poorly, you know, like most adults who have souls, and am good to people. But this is not in an effort to make you like me. I don’t give three fucks if you like me. I’m just myself, which I’d like to think is a good person, and people either like it or they don’t.
But since I’m answering questions seriously now, the OP says he poses this question in an effort to find what people value most about their character. I can’t understand why he just didn’t ask that then, as “What do you do to make people like you?” and “What traits do you value most about yourself?” are two different questions. Some of the things I like most about myself can be fairly alienating. Also, there are some things about me that by this point I can’t tell if they’re the chicken or the egg. When people tell me what they like about me, I hear the same four or five things over and over, and I value these things dearly, but I don’t know if I like having these qualities because I think they are important ones to have, or if I like them because they’re what make other people like me. I suppose there are two traits of mine that I find central and important to who I am that also are things other people like about me, but the rest, meh.
Fuck all. I don’t do anything to get people to like me. I am what I am, and I think I am a good and likeable person, though perhaps not to everyone’s taste. I’m ok with that.
Thats a good question for some and for others rather meaningless. I consider myself to be king of semi social, I am social in small doses. I have my coffee shop crowd, my archery aquaintences and a scrabble group I connect with. Over the years I have gone from being acceptable to popular. I guess as said above. I don’t bullshit, I am friendly, considerate and genuinely interested in those around me. I particapate a lot more in conversaations than I used to also.
I think you totally misunderstood me. I’ve never been “popular,” never found it easy to make friends, rarely followed through with budding relationships. I’m only really close with a few people, especially my partner. Several people have mentioned that they think I have Asperger’s.
But I don’t understand why I need to “do” something to make people like me. I don’t understand how this could be a goal, something that’s so necessary that I should change what I do or say to achieve it.
If they’re a smoker, offer them a cigarette. I don’t smoke anywhere near I used to, but I do miss that social aspect of smoking. Whether outside a bar in Chicago, or at a military checkpoint in Kosovo, a cigarette always broke the ice and made you quick “friends.”
Missed the edit window:
ETA: My favorite story. The first time I visited Moscow, I was with my former roommate, standing around and smoking a cigarette in Red Square. A Russian guy, possibly homeless, comes up to me and asks me for a cigarette and light. I oblige. He walks away. A minute later he comes back, says something to me in Russian, pats me on the back, and walks away. My former roommate cracks a smile. I ask him to translate. He says “He just said, 'sorry, that was rude of me. I should have said ‘thank you.’ If anyone ever insults you or gives you problems, let me know, and I will kill them.” Easy to make friends in Moscow, it seems.
