Thanks for the replies so far. The notion of ‘trying to be someone you are not’ has come up a few times. On the one hand, I get this; I am not, for instance, a ‘tough guy’ - if I tried to act that way, it would not be effective nor convincing. I am also not a sports enthusiast - if I were in the company of people who were really into sports, my best bet would be to be honest and simply limit my participation to simple questions and observations (instead of feigning exaggerated interest and expertise, and being ‘discovered’ as the ignoramus that I actually am). So sure, assuming some kind of temporary identity which is hugely at odds to what you are normally like should be left to the professionals (i.e. actors, spies, etc…).
But, I do not have just one static ‘true’ persona; I have a multitude of identities (as do we all), and the person that I really am at that moment differs depending on who I am with and what role I am playing. I am a different *person *when I am playing with my 2 year-old daughter to when I am interviewing someone for a job - but I am not more ‘real’ in either case. Being socially successful (and, I would posit, being successful in life) relies very much on being able to adapt to one’s immediate social surroundings - there is no singular ‘one’s-self’, there are lots of different ‘selves’ which need to be switched on and off on a dynamic basis. Perhaps this is why it is difficult to ‘be yourself’ - there isn’t really any such thing, and is no doubt why so many teenagers would respond by saying ‘Okay, but what is ‘myself’?’
So, tentatively, could we conclude that ‘be yourself’ really means ‘By all means adapt and adjust your mannerisms and ways of being to your immediate social surroundings, but know your limits - don’t take it too far.’? That’s fine by me, but where does ‘pragmatic social adaptation’ (good) turn into ‘adopting a false persona’ (bad)?
The notion of ‘not caring what other people think’ is also one that troubles me a little. I would argue that what other people think of you is very important indeed, albeit with some qualifications… It *should *matter to me what my friends, family and colleagues think of me - if my action(s) cause a number of people to lower their estimations of me, then I should pay serious attention to why that is. Similarly, I wear professional attire at work because I want people to see that I am a professional. I don’t swear constantly, I bathe daily and I say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ - this is all because I care *a lot *about what people think about who I am and what I am like. I am sure the vast majority of people here would say something similar. I don’t think this is a sign of cowardice or conformity - this is simply being a member of society.
Yet, the idea of ‘caring too much about others’ opinions’ carries some weight in terms of being a recipe for unhappiness. If everything I did was for the (desperate) approval of others, then my entire self-esteem would be completely out of my hands. Where does one draw the line between ‘good caring’ and ‘bad caring’?
So, I guess it’s something along the lines of walking with kings but not losing the common touch, and having everyone’s opinions matter to you, but none too much (ahem)… Easy to say, much harder to do…