You never met the gluttonous Mr. Salinqmind. He helped himself to half of one-half of the turkey breast at dinner! (a 12 pound turkey, average). A big sandwich later that night. And made himself two sandwiches the next day. (I carved off a hunk of white meat and hid it so my daughter and I could have a couple of sandwiches.). On the third day, he took the last bit of white meat clinging to the carcass. Refused to touch the dark meat altogether. … (But by that time, the third day: we threw it out and ordered pizza! 
)
I do the Serious Eats turkey porchetta, originally Kenji’s first version, and more recently the sous vide deep fried version (although I have to pan fry it). One note, the whole peppercorns should be cracked or loosely ground or else they’re like buckshot in there.
I’ve been thinking of other mixtures to put in the middle besides the sage. No matter what, it’s the best turkey I’ve eaten except the one year my brother-in-law really nailed his smoked whole turkey.
I buy a fresh turkey from the local butcher and have it spatchcocked. Then dry brine 2 days and then in the Ronco Rotisserie. Quite possibly the best product to ever come out of Ron Popeil’s company.
I say “Here turkey, nice turkey - come eat the nice corn sitting on this tree stump…”
Kidding. Vegetarian. I make sandwiches with tofurkey slices.
How did it turn out for everybody?
Despite my preference for dry brining, the turkey wasn’t thawed the night before, so into the wet brine it went. 10 ounces of salt and \frac{1}{4} cup of sugar per gallon, and things were ready in the morning.
Washed it off, dried it, and did the ATK start high, end low method and it cooked perfectly. The white and dark meat hit 165 and 185 within a few minutes of each other. The flavor and moisture were good, and the white meat suffered only very minimally from the wet brine texture problems.
When brining first became a thing, i read all these rave reviews. And i tried it, and was totally underwhelmed. Then it occurred to me…any meat that’s been brined has been fully defrosted, in many cases even warmed a bit. And “frozen in the center” is a guarantee of “dry and overcooked on the exterior”, especially with a giant toast like a turkey. I suspect that a large part of the benefit people get from brining their birds is that it forces them to really and truly defrost the thing.
Great! We’ve almost finished the (still moist and delicious) leftovers. I ended up cooking everything to 160F, except the wings and legs, which were cooked to a higher temp. I love crispy dry wings, and the legs mostly went into the stock pot. The bird was small enough that i started it in one side for 15 minutes at 425F, then flipped to the other side for 15 minutes, and then dropped the temp to 350F and put it on its back. After an hour, i was afraid it would be done too soon, so i dropped the temp to 250F, and the interior was 155F when i pulled it from the oven, and 160F an hour later, when i removed the stuffing and carved the bird.
It was a free range heritage breed bird, with less breast and more bone. It was delicious, but I’m not sure it was enough better than last year’s free range conventional bird to be worth the extra price.
Yes, I believe the exact same thing is true. Regardless of seasoning and cooking method it will come out so much better if it is fully thawed before starting.
I also think the 13 minute per pound rule is assuming frozen in the middle. I estimated 10 minutes per pound, but it was closer to 7, which meant it was done much too early.
I use a thermometer from time to time, and just keep turning down the heat if it threatens to cook too quickly. 
But i suppose that takes experience. I’ve never really figured out the formula for “how long to cook a turkey”.
Yep, I just go by the thermometer to know when it’s done. The problem is all of these people with their “when should we come over?” “what time will we eat?” and “165° isn’t a time!”
I wet-brined my (organic farm-reared, freshly killed never frozen, hella expensive but worth it I think) 14-lb turkey for about 24 hours and drained it in the fridge for a few more, before greasing it up, stuffing the cavity with a few veg and fruit, and roasting about 3.5 hours at 325° sitting on a “rack” of carrots and onions and sweet potatoes at the bottom of the pan.
The “rack” should have been a little taller to keep the bird above juice level. It didn’t look quite done when the thermometer read 165, so I left it in till 170, and it was still very tender and juicy all over. Might not have needed brining at all, being a fresh and good bird, but I won’t quarrel with success.
The one disappointment was the subpar browning and crisping of the breast skin, but that may have been due to my not taking the foil tent off soon enough.
Biggest advantage? No basting or salting, I just patted off the excess brine, slathered on a ton of herb butter under and over the skin, and left it to its own devices in the oven. I don’t care if I never baste a bird again.
The secret to success for bread stuffing in casseroles rather than in the bird? Year-old gravy! 
Seriously, I had made some (unimpressive) turkey gravy from last year’s bird, just drippings and flour and giblet stock, and a couple jars just stayed in the freezer ever since (see above re: its unimpressiveness). It was nothing much as gravy but it was full of excellent turkey fat and flavor, so I just thawed it out, diluted it with giblet stock, and used it to moisten the dressing as it baked. No insipid turkeyless dressing taste, and no need for last-minute doctoring with hot drippings to try to flavor it up!
It was such a success that I made some (equally unimpressive, I really need to learn how to make proper poultry gravy) gravy from the new drippings and stuck a jar of it in the freezer for next year’s stuffing.
What to do with the fat-soaked carrots and onions that constituted the “roasting rack” is something I’m still pondering. Might be a bit too greasy to cut up and put in the soup for which the carcass is even now simmering on the stove.
Mine was effectively ruined. It had been a stressful week and my mind had been elsewhere since Monday morning. As I prepped for the big day everything that could go wrong, did go wrong: I screwed up the brine and I inadvertently purchased roasting bags that were too small. On Thursday morning as I put the bird together I forgot to add some broth to the roasting pan and the coup de grâce was the roasting pan died halfway through the cook. I didn’t notice until I went to take the final temp check and the damn bird was still sitting at 125°.
Worst. Thanksgiving. Ever.
Since I have to do a turkey again at Christmas I’m going to get a pre-smoked bird from the butcher and spend my time instead working on a list of what I need to do a proper brine, what I need to sucessfully roast, and a develop prep & cooking itinerary / agenda so that I’m well provisioned and prepared next time I go to cook a turkey.
I’m also debating getting a rotisserie for my Weber kettle and using the grill to cook all future birds. At least those don’t die halfway through a cook.
I have a small metal rack which i clean and reuse. Oh, hey, it’s become an “amazons choice”. I like it for its simplicity, sturdiness, and ability to hold anything from a 3lb chicken to a 25lb turkey.
Also, i don’t understand basting. I gave that up decades ago.
I burned my pies this year. I was depressed about that, but the insides, bottom crust, and even the edges of the top crust were all fine, and I’m enjoying my leftover pie.
I’ve never heard of a self-contained roaster. That certainly sounds like it was a disaster. 
Ours was similar to this:
They’re brilliant when they work. Frees up the oven for pies and casseroles and the like. But now I’m wondering if I should trust one again.
I had my oven croak on me one Thanksgiving about 5-6 years ago. Anything can break unexpectedly - you just have to get inventive if it does, and it sounds like you are thinking about a Plan B for the future already.
Thankfully I was not cooking a giant bird and managed to get everything done in the toaster oven and microwave. And one can always break down a bird and cook it in pieces if need be.
I use this basic recipe and after years of brining , dry brining and doing all kind of convoluted things, this is hands down the best turkey I’ve ever had. It’s so basic, the herb butter really does infuse the whole thing with flavor. I had two turkeys this year- it may be my thermometer but 165 ended up slightly undercooked (but easily rectified) and 170-172 was the perfect temp without compromising the breast.
The only fail I had was I made Ina Garten’s Vegetable Tian which was underwhelming and I let one pumpkin cheesecake come to too warm of temperature and it fell apart but was tasty. It’s twin fully chilled was perfect.
That’s exactly what we did. When we realized the roadter had bit the dust we cut off the breasts, thighs, and drumsticks, put them in a casserole pan and stuck it in the oven. It finished in time, barely, but it was dry.
Sorry it all fell apart like that. It doesn’t sound any fun at all.
Similar happened at my in-laws a few years back. I don’t remember if it was the morning of, or the night before, but their oven broke. Fortunately it was discovered before the bird had been sitting in there for a few hours. We changed the location, and did everything at my house.
A pre-smoked bird sounds great. A friend used to smoke turkeys, and I always thought they came out fantastic, and he did too, but the getting up at 4 am to start the smoker, and then monitoring the fire for 8 hours as the turkey smoked was just too much. Paying somebody for the trouble of going through all of that sounds like an extremely reasonable solution.
There was a massive Thanksgiving Day storm here in 1983 where power was knocked out for a lot of the region. My boss ended up cooking her turkey on the outdoor grill, as did many others. It became the way her family cooked the turkey every Thanksgiving after that. Keeps the oven free for all the other dishes, and once you’ve got the outdoor method down, it’s not much trouble.