In this trail through memory lane alot of us lamented bad, bad experiences in school. And those are just dating experiences, they do not involve bullying or things like that.
So how do you prevent your kids from having to experience those things? It seems like private school would be the same as public school, and it seems like homeschooling would just prevent the kid(s) from being able to socialize well. So what options are there if you are worried about this kind of thing?
My wife and I agree that our child will be homeschooled. No “afternoon swirlies” or lunch money shakedowns for him, ever.
And it will be a hell of a lot more convienient for us, too. Wanna plan a ski trip in January? Fine! Take off for 2 weeks and bring the lesson plan with us. Have the kid visit the local points of historical interest and incorporate them into the education!
The world will be the classroom.
Some suggestions:
Pay attention to your kids and listen to them. If they are good students but hate going to school, there’s probably a reason.
Don’t say, “Well, if you don’t run then they can’t chase you” (God I hated that one) or worse, “Just ignore them” (easier said than done).
Teach/show your kids how to be comfortable in their own skin, instead of forcing them to stifle themselves in order to “fit in” or “make nice.”
Why yes, these do come from personal experience. I wish I had some positive ones to share (if I did, then my childhood would have been very different, no? But I’m not BITTER).
So far, my kindergartener has been crazy about school, but my intention is to take every complaint seriously. If he seems apprehensive about the bus, we’ll drive him - that’s an easy one to do (in fact, we do it now because it gives us and him an extra half hour in the morning). If he wants me to get him out of gym all the time, I’ll be down at the school finding out why. If he seems embarrassed about his clothes, I’ll do my best to make sure he has what he needs to fit in (how I wish we had uniforms in my town). I will NOT encourage him to be “original” if I know he’s going to take shit for it, like my brother with his Star Trek uniform and shoulder length hair in third grade back in the 70’s. If the teacher is mean, let me tell you, she’ll regret it.
I have found this to be the hardest thing about parenting. You realize around the time they’re 5 or 6 that you CAN’T always protect them and prevent others from trying to bring them down. IT SUCKS!! When they were younger, I’d actually take their little playmates to the side if I had a chance, to let them know that MY son was not the one to pick on. If I could go to their schools and take the whole student body aside, I would. But I can’t. All I can do is to keep communicating with my boys, be observant of any changes in their behavior signalling that someone was giving them a hard time, and be involved in their day-to-day lives.
Any of my boys being picked on and/or bullied would seriously bother me.
You can’t protect your kids from all the bumps in life.
You can be there to help them deal with the problems, however.
rjung, you summed up my thoughts precisely and succinctly.
My daughter had to change schools in the middle 5th grade when we moved out of state. Lots of the kids in the new school were mean to her. It hurt her a lot. I couldn’t make it all better. I did what I could to help her deal. She’s now a self-confident, independent, college freshman. She still speaks of those days with pain in her voice, but she came through it a little wiser and more compassionate.
rjung, you have a point. However, I’d like to mention that in 99% of cases, when it comes down to a single child, or a single family, against the teachers, the teachers win. Even being an involved, and listening, parent doesn’t mean that all bumps will be dealt with.
I don’t have solutions, really. And my suggestions might not be constructive, if I were to give them. Just saying that sometimes there are bad situations that do not involve reasonable or responsible adults. (I’m giving the ‘little darlings’ a bye because of age.)
Look for Schools that have a 0 tolerance for bullies, that take it seriously and treat it like a preventable social disease like cigarettes, drugs or VD. Because that can help.
Build up a kid’s self esteem and confidence. Encourage her/him to seek out friends and allies. help him/her if there are problems
I thought it was “If you’re faster than they are they can’t catch you”.
Ironicly, trying to protect your child from all the worlds pitfalls will most likely make him MORE of a target for bullies. As stupid as it sounds, the Law of the Playground is as strong today as it ever was:
Things like walking your kid to school or getting them out of gym class will basically just make him or her look like an oddball.
You can take help them avoid dangerous situations as much as possible, but at some point, they will have to learn how to defend themselves.
Get them involved in team sports. It will help them socialize as well as get them in shape.
Don’t be naive or condescending. “Just ignoring them” never works. There’s nothing wrong with defending yourself. Only a douchebag would tell their kid not to fight back.
I haven’t had a need to teach my kid this yet, but I fully expect to someday give him the “Don’t start a fight, but if someone else starts it, don’t hesitate to hit back” lecture.