Resentment is the result of anticipating getting something that didn’t come. That means you did this, hoping, awaiting, praying that it would cause this to happen. It’s like giving a gift hoping for something in return.
Now we all know that we should do things out of the goodness of our hearts, just as we should give gifts without strings attached. But people are complicated, sometimes we think we’re doing one thing, and then it turns out we were doing something else. The trick is, once you know this, you can correct yourself quite easily. Nobody makes you do things. The things you do, you do because of who you are, never forget that, it’s an important piece of the puzzle. It’s really easy to convince ourselves otherwise. You will see people do it all the time, but it’s not correct and it leads to - resentment.
As for anger, I have found that anger is pretty easy to dispell. Have you ever noticed that it’s a lot easier to be angry with your wife, mother, the world, than it is to be angry with yourself? That’s because you keep waiting for them to atone or show remorse, and grow more angry when you don’t see it.
I have found that if I embrace everything in life as my choice then the only person I can ever really get angry with is myself. The truth is that if you look hard enough you have some ownership in everything that happens to you. Everything. So look a little harder, take responsibility for your choices, own your part in things. You’ll still be angry over things that go badly but you’ll be right there ready to offer remorse or atonement to your ownself. And the anger will dissipate instead of stew.
I cannot offer these simply words of advice without mentioning compassion. People think that compassion is feeling for those less fortunate. And it is, but that’s the easy part of compassion, and only half of the lesson. Compassion for self is much harder to muster, especially for those feeling undeserving or beaten down by life. Compassion for others, while valuable and honourable is not nearly as important as self compassion. Compassion for self keeps you grounded, down here on earth with the rest of the mere mortals. And compassion for self will make your compassion for others swell in ways you cannot imagine. And, of course, it is compassion for self that allows you to forgive yourself when you’re angry at you!
Er, excuse me while I climb down ( a little red faced ) from this soapbox.