If you have a glass sliding door with a metal rail on the top you can set the cigarette down on that for a while and still wash those hard to reach places. Just remember to pick it up by the filter so you can smoke it all the way down.
I was in the U.S. Navy once upon a time. On the ship we are encouraged to take showers that are as short as possible while still cleaning up enough so that we don’t olfactorily offend our shipmates. Not sure how much my time in the navy influences how I take showers today but that’s pretty much how I do them to this day (plus I think of myself as enviro-conscious so I try to use as little water as I can while still getting the job done).
Having grown up in a large family, with only one bathroom, I usually take a very short shower. I have eight siblings & countless cousins, who might have been staying overnight at any given time.
My showers usually only last three minutes at most. However, there are times that I just turn on the hot water & steam for a bit. It can be ten minutes. If I want a longer shower, I use the tub & read a good book. Three hours is my maximum at that.
So, I voted for the pie in the poll. Pumpkin, heated with ice-cream. Mmm Good! Blackberry Ala-mode is good as well. Oh heck, any pie is good.
PS, Fairychatmom, I also have been away from the SDMB for a while & will continue to be for some time to come. You are one of the many posters that I miss reading.
**48Willys **- aren’t you sweet!! Of course, that now puts pressure on me to be worth reading. I don’t need the pressure, dammit! 
If I’m getting ready for work, I’m in and out as quickly as possible. On off days, I’m not done until I’m done singing or the hot water runs out, whichever comes first.
I don’t know how you all shower so quickly. It takes at least 3-5 minutes just to get hot water running in my shower. Then it takes at least 20 minutes just to wash my body well and rinse thoroughly, another 3-5 minutes to wash my hair and 3 to rinse out the soap, at least 5 to condition and detangle my hair with my fingers and minimum 10 to rinse out the conditioner so my hair is not a greasy mess. That’s 40-45 minutes minimum which does not include shaving, exfoliationg, moisturizing, powdering, air drying, detangling my hair (another 10 minutes minimum). That’s why I shower at night. I don’t think I’ve ever been able to get into and out of a shower in less than 20 minutes and that’s if I don’t wash my hair.
(And yes my hair is a nightmare. It’s baby fine but I have a lot of it and it has just enough curl to tangle easily and can come out in clumps if you don’t detangle. I can’t tell you how many hairstylists say “you don’t need conditioner with such fine hair-it’ll only weigh it down” then send me back to be conditioned after spending half an hour trying to comb through it without success.)
This reflects my showering routine as well. I shave in the shower so it kind of depends on whether I’m shaving my head or not. Shaving my head adds another 4-5 minutes.
Even when I was unemployed and broke a decent length shower was one luxury I couldn’t abandon.
I seldom drain all the hot water.
That must be a big tub!
Number 2 mostly, as I use the time to listen to a podcast I really like. When I’m not feeling good, I’ll do number 1, just to get it over with.
No pressure, just keep being you. It’ll be fine. 
I’m with you on a lot of this but…20 minutes to wash your body? I don’t really get that. Nor the 10 minutes to rinse your hair. But I have supremely dry, curly hair, so I tend to leave some of the conditioner in (and then use leave in conditioner, too). But the 20 minute body scrub is a loooong time.
Me too (re: Navy showers). Now I have a weird quirk that I have a lovely huge whirlpool bath, but I’m usually done washing by the time it’s “full” and just feel like I should get out. However, since I’m trying to do Epsom baths for therapeutic reasons, and often have a 1 or 4 y.o. randomly joining me whether I want it or not, I often stay in another ten minutes or so. But I feel impatient unless I’ve got my Kindle nearby, that I’m afraid of dropping in the stew. (I’m washed already, dammit!)
If I ever really, truly had a day to myself, though, I might do as the useless Captain from Golgafrincham (Hitchhiker’s Guide) did and keep warming up the water and cooling down the jynnan-tonnyx. Or, rather, the ouisghian zodahs. With a really good waterproof cover for my Kindle.
ETA: As far as " just getting out," regardless of time of day, I love to just wrap a towel 'round and fall in bed after a bath, quick or not, and read and respire like a jungle plant.
A quick wet-lather-rinse for me. Unless there is a shower seat. My back hurts too much for a lengthy shower but sitting and letting hot spray hit my back is awesome. My last to places had seats, where I am now doesn’t. 
No option for “With a Friend”?
I opted for #2 since I’m definitely not quick. Probably 15 minutes or so when hair is involved. Probably 7-10 if I don’t wash hair and whether I need to shave pits or not.
I’m oily from head to toe. Hair washing involves wetting it down and a scalp scrubbing with fingertips to loosen any built up sebum. Lather, with more scrubbing the scalp. Let sit to let the detergent grab more oil and in the meantime wash face with washcloth and scrub a little to exfoliate. Rinse whole head/face. If hair’s not clean enough, repeat (have to do less often since I discovered the pre-shampoo scrubbing).
Next, a dab of conditioner and comb through - you all with long hair, I can’t stress enough how much a wide-toothed shower comb helps. Mines fine but a lot of it, and there’s no way I could get my fingers through it, but the comb with conditioner, starting from ends up, detangles without damage. It’s a must-have for hair longer than nape-length!
While conditioner sits, wash the rest of me. Hmm, which soap today? Cucumber lime, grapefruit, or chocolate mint? Once chosen, must make good lather and really rub to dissolve the lovely layer of oil and the dirt that clings to it. If I don’t, this weird layer sort of pills when I rub a towel over myself to dry. Lovely. OK, now rinse from the top of conditioned head down and I’m done.
So, yeah, it takes a little more than 5 minutes. I tend to live in 40-60 unit buildings, though, and I’ve yet to run out of hot water.
As quickly as possible.
Probably best avoid the shaving bit though - at least in the shower - I use electric razors…
I voted for option two. Standing under the stream of water feels great, so my showers are at least 20 minutes long.
I live in South Texas, where it is often humid and generally over 100F every summer day and usually over 90 from early March through late October. I take multiple short (10 minute) showers a day except in winter, when I take a longer one in the evening.
I have a 4-minute egg timer suction-cupped to the shower wall.
In winter I use every last second. In summer, I often get out well before the last bit of bright blue sand dribbles through.
When I had long hair, I’d allow myself one turn (so 8 minutes total), but rarely used all of it. Now with short hair I just wash it within my 4 minute shower.
All our water is collected from rainfall, plus we have a small septic system that can overflow the leach field if too much liquid goes through it, hence the water conservation. I don’t miss long showers at all, and can sleep in later now! In winter, if we’re getting lots of rain I’ll occasionally have a long hot bath for pleasure, though the water gets siphoned out the window and onto the garden
I’m kinda curious about that, too. Then again, my skin gets incredibly dry if I wash myself too long or thoroughly. I tend to focus on the “important” parts and the rest of it does get washed but typically a bit cursorily unless I’m grimy for some reason (have dirt on myself from gardening or playing with the kids). 20 minutes seems like the wash is very, ah, detailed.