I played a few instruments in high school and college, and I can sing decently. When listening to a CD in the car, I can hit the relative pitches usually pretty well. However, I’m sure that my passenger considers buying earplugs every time I open my mouth. Does anyone out there know singing techniques to make us (to mix a metaphor) armchair castrati sing a little better?
My wife has suggested a garotte on the few occasions in which I’ve broken (and that’s probably the right word) into song.
I sing with entusiasm and against the pleas of all around me.
Giving voice lessons over the internet is something I hadn’t planned on when I got my teaching degree. 
My opinion -
Take lessons, either privately or group setting. Check with a local college that has a music department - either one of the teachers there may take on non-college students in the off-hours, or perhaps a graduate student may wish to make a little extra money teaching privately. The department may also offer general voice classes (at my college, these were geared towards non-voice majors [instrumental performers - trumpet, organ, guitar, etc.] needing voice class credit for graduation). Lessons are not always expensive, although expect to pay more if you are studying with a top-ranked performer, less with a graduate student. Look into local theatres and musical theatre groups - someone may be able to recommend a teacher or vocal coach.
Can’t afford it? - join a choral group (church or community choir, for example) - usually the conductor has some musical knowledge and can give you some pointers. Singing in a group help you match pitch with similar voices around you.
Advantage to lessons - better breathing and breath control, improved speaking voice, appreciation of the art, self-confidence in your voice. Plus, you have a professional’s guidance and assessment of your progress.
Disadvantage - cost can be up there, but tain’t much free anymore. Also, it may take a couple of teachers to find one where you both mesh - I’ve had great teachers, I’ve had teachers that were so wrong for me but great for someone else.
There are ‘do-it-yourself’ kits - I’ve seen these at B&N in the music (book) department - a booklet and cassette tape. Never tried them, since I take lessons anyway (plus 7 years of music school already under my belt).
That said, a couple pointers:
** Mom was right- stand up straight and don’t slouch. That gives your lungs room to expand, allowing your diaphragm [sub](Alright class, get the giggles out and settle down. Good. Let’s go on.)[/sub] allowing your diaphragm (the large muscle that seperates your lungs from your gut area) room to expand downward.
** Breathe deep. Most people breathe into the chest only; breathe so your stomach expands. Watch a young child sleep -they breathe so the stomach moves, not just the chest.
I’d go into more, but I’d really have to watch and hear you sing. Throat tension (is good and bad), vocal range, and several other points are best done live with the person.
Oh, and one last hint - go to different kinds of concerts - opera (quit laughing), rock, country, gospel, classical concerts, barbershop, church concerts. Focus on the vocalist and the sounds they make; the techniques arte different for each style, as well as differences in solo singing vs. group singing. Expose yourself to different styles of music and singing. Hey, you never know, you just might like something you never heard before.
And the first thing I thought of in replying to your posb, but I got a little carried away while typing and forgot.
I’ve never heard the phrase “armchair castrati”.
“Church soprano” - yes (the one woman in the choir who sings louder than anyone else, even the actual soloist).
“Constipated tenor” - yes (the guy who has to s-q-u-e-e-e-e-e-e-z-e out the high notes).
But not “armchair castrati”. (Don’t even want to picture that!)
Thank you for the laugh.
One of the simplest things you can do is to sing scales. Pick a note and a syllable (la is always good)and hold it for a few seconds, trying to get a steady, unwavering tone. Then go up a tone (or down, however it’s comfortable) and hold that one. Keep going to the limit of your range in both directions. The more you do that, the better your pitch will become. Then, if you have access to an instrument, teach yourself intervals (thirds, fifths, octaves). Actually, you don’t need an instrument. Just count up those scales, then bounce between the notes.
Most of learning to sing is developing pitch and intervals. The rest is breath control. Oh, and one thing I’ve noticed is the more confident one seems the better one’s pitch is, so don’t sing under your breath. Sing out.
As a last resort, the volume knob can be your friend. Turn it up to 11.
I would most honorably like to say almost no one can sing worst than me. I suppose it’s because I can’t hear my own voice, so naturally, not only can I not hit any keys, tones, pitches, or whatever; but I probably sing in a monotone…
What about those of us who are in the extreme bass range? I can carry a tune to a reasonable degree, but it sounds ludicrous down there in the basement. If I were to take any formal training they’d have me learning to sing all sorts of weird bass parts - feh! I will sing with my own guitar playing, but I stick to material I can growl through and get away with it.
I don’t know what advice I can give, but everyone always asks me to sing solo.
They say, “Sing solo we can’t hear you”.
There’s some good advice here. As a semi-professional vocalist, I can tell you that the advice on that site is good. I stumbled across it a few months ago and found that I agreed with most everything there. It is definitely no replacement for real lessons, but you can still learn quite a bit there, I am sure.