This guy is sitting in a bar drunk, he asks the
bartender where’s the bathroom at? The bartender say’s,
go down the hall & make a right.
Well, all of a sudden, everybody at the bar hears this
loud scream and wonders what is going on in the
bathroom. A few minutes go by again and everybody at
the bar hears another loud scream that came out of the
bathroom again.
This time the bartender goes into the bathroom to
investigate what the drunk is screaming about. He
opened the door and asked the drunk, “What’s all the
screaming about in here? You are scaring all my
customers away.”
The drunk said, “I’m sitting on the toilet and every
time I go to flush it, something comes up and squeezes
the hell out of my balls.”
With that, the bartender opens up the door and looks in
and says, “No wonder, you’re sitting on a mop bucket!!!”
They don’t always feel the same. My standard not-too-terrible hangover is simply that I feel nauseous, I get acidic burps coming up my throat all day, and I feel like I should move slowly lest I jiggle too much loose in my guts and hurl. Being hungry but unable to eat is common too.
If it’s really bad, throw in a headache and some good old-fashioned barfing.
The acidic burps are only in recent years – never happened when I was younger. They’re the worst part, in my opinion. Luckily, there’s yummy chalky candy that fixes them.
Like a squad of psychotic baboons on steel-wheeled roller skates are racing around the inside of your skull, brandishing ball-peen hammers and incessant cowbells.
Like your tongue is wrapped in an moldy old gym sock soaked in dog vomit.
Like each nerve fiber in your body is being pulled out with pliers through your sinuses.
Like the Spanish Inquisition is beating on the back of your eyeballs with concrete mallets.
Like your stomach has been invaded by a manatee bouncing on a trampoline with a fire hose spewing tepid bile mixed with curdled mucous.
Like your heart has been replaced with a locomotive engine that is pounding live steam through your arteries to a train whistle embedded in your brain stem.