My dad actually had the slowest Jewish funeral I have ever been to, entirely because the crematorium was backed up (he died early on a Sunday morning and the funeral was Thursday; other than that, I think all the Jewish funerals I have been to were within 48 hours). As Dad would have said, people were dying to get in there.
Having had my recent bereavement, it’s made me wonder how it feels to have the funeral so quickly. It must feel very raw. Having a couple of weeks in between at least gave us time to get our heads around what had happened. I’m not sure I could even have persuaded my Dad to go in that time, he was all over the place. It was touch and go as it was.
An emerging situtation I’ve seen with a few relatives and acquaitances: society is mobile, people are living much longer and often living in a care home for several years. As a result, when someone dies there are not a lot of friends and acquaintances to come to a funeral when the person dies of “old age”. Contemporaries may lack the mobility to come to a service.
My father an stepmother were in their 90’s, and had moved halfway across the continent, been retired for 30 years. Other than 1 neighbour, I believe the only attendees at their funeral/memorial services was a handful of family. Also, they were cremated, so for the “funeral”, it was a memorialservice and get-together afterward held a week or two later, when it was conveninet for everyone.
In Jewish tradition, the funeral is kind of the beginning of the mourning period, not the end. Because there’s practical stuff you need to do to arrange the funeral. But then you go home and sit shiva, which is when friends come to comfort you. You get to step outside of society for a week with no social obligations, and then gradually re-enter society. So it may feel similar, just in a different order.
I can certainly understand that way. I just don’t think any of us were ready to see Mum’s coffin. Not that there’s a good time.
It’s selfish on my part, but I felt a great deal of relief that my mother was adamantly against having any type of funeral service. Honoring her wishes on that one made things much easier on me and frankly her remaining family as well, virtually all of whom were on the opposite coast. I was girding myself to have to stand my ground if any of her family got pissy about it, but thankfully none did.
Having lost my father in Sept 2020 just as the 2nd wave was hitting here, we didn’t have the benefit of the larger community at the funeral and shiva. With just my mom, siblings, kids, and spouses we were technically offside with the gathering limits and there was no re-entering society.
I still feel a lack of closure almost three years later.
I’m sorry for your loss. We had a similar problem when my mom died of omicron. We’d clown to spend time with mom, so we’d all been exposed. And after she died we had to isolate, and couldn’t interact physically with anyone. My household ran out of food! During Jewish mourning. It was weird and painful.
In absence of any particular cause, I believe “Respiratory failure” is often used.
IANAD but I would have expected it to say “complications from xxx cancer.”
Autocorrect for “chosen”?
Yes, chosen.
They didn’t do an autopsy on my son as they said it wasn’t necessary. When youre yellow and your liver is hard, and you bled out, its obvious.
Actually having the funeral immediately when everyone is feeling raw is the norm in my experience. When I have been to funerals that take place a week or more after the death, it feels weird to me. In Dad’s case I really felt like I wasn’t even going to start processing everything until he was buried.
I’m used to funerals being less than a week after the death, except in unusual circumstances. But I wouldn’t say it’s when everyone is feeling raw exactly - in my experience with close relatives , what has happened doesn’t hit me until I’m at the funeral. Up until then, while making arrangements and being at the wake , I’ve been on autopilot.
Thank you and the same to you, it was not a good time for anyone to have a death in the family. He didn’t have Covid, but after spending 2 weeks visiting him in the hospital everyone was on edge about it.