This is Pittsburgh. To get anywhere, you have to drive through a tunnel. It ain’t that fucking hard. You’re all Burghers (nobody here seems to want to move anywhere else - Lord knows why) so by know you should know: THERE AIN’T NO FUCKING TUNNEL-MONSTER WAITING TO EAT YOU OR THE PIECE OF CRAP YOU’RE DRIVING! It’s just a tunnel! A Goddamn hole in a fucking mountain is all! Are you scared of the dark? Does the fact that your radio stops playing the greatest classic rock hits of 1976 freak you out?WHAT? WHAT THE HELL COULD IT POSSIBLY BE? Why the fuck do I have to sit here, and wait for your pierogie-derived ass to make it through what apparently to you is the scariest part of your day? GET YOUR FOOT OF YOUR GODDAMN BRAKE AND GO! IT JUST A TUNNEL! Fuckwits.
6.5 on the rant, well-constructed and obviously from the heart, but you lost points for poor exposition of backstory. People stop at the tunnel entrance? Or they just slow down, or what?
Eh, 6.4. He misspelled pierogi. Not good for a Pennsyltuckian.
What is truely horrible is that I saw the title of the thread and assumed that if it wasn’t about Pittsburgh, then he had no right to complain. It’s quite amazing that you can cruise along at 70 MPH right until you get close to a tunnle, then traffic slows to 40 or less. I’m not sure why tunnels scare normal Pittsburghers, unless they are afraid that the road just won’t be at the other side when they get through, which is entirely possible with PennDot.
No, the people who are stopping are not normal Pittsburghers at all (normal Pittsburghers. There’s a concept to mull over).
They are visiting from Philly. All of them. That’s the problem.
Damn flatlanders.
Same thing happens with the Hampton Roads Bridge Tunnel in Norfolk. I thought it was just a Virginia thing. Now I know it happens elsewhere, although I don’t think that’s a good thing.
This “Scary Tunnel” phenomenon also occurs at the tunnel in the middle of the Bay Bridge connecting San Francisco and Oakland.
Wow, you have bad drivers in your city too?
Well, in defense of those who slow down, it is harder to see right when you enter a tunnel. If I can’t see the car in front of me, I’m slowing down until I can. Just a little, but that can lead to big slowdowns further back. Cecil did a column once on why heavy traffic moves slowly, even when there’s nothing obvious to slow it down. I’d say the same principles are at work here.
Well, when you’re 3 feet from a wall, it seems like you’re going a lot faster than you really are.
Of course, I like that, but it might explain some of these other weirdos. Maybe.
Contestant: I’ll take “Famous Last Words” for $400, Alex.
Alex: And the answer is "How hard can it possibly be to drive through a tunnel? "
BUZZ!
Contestant: Who is Lady Di?
Max, that’s just sick. Hilarious, but sick.
Hey, my father’s old advisor once drove up onto a median and into a wall because he couldn’t decide which bore of the Caldecott tunnel to drive through.
You’re twisted, Max. I like that in a man.
Tunnels are scary…
Which is why I only drive into one blindfolded, having sex with 3 circus vertically challenged people, 1 spider monkey while on vicodan.
It makes that big, gaping mouth of doom that much easier to take.
Unfortunatly it makes driving slightly more difficult.
Summer is even worse, when 10,000 people from Ohio* are trying to go through it as well. There are multiple signs that say “MAINTAIN 55MPH” but no one gets it.
*Why does everyone in Ohio make a beeline for Virginia Beach starting on Memorial day? There must be someplace better to vacation between here and there.
I am not familiar with driving through tunnels. We have none here in Indiana, and the only time I can remember driving through one was in West Virginia on I-70. That being said …
Um, turn your lights on and it’s easier to see? (I think…)
Judge for yourself:
http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_028b.html
The lights aren’t the problem. It’s that if you enter a tunnel during the daytime, the sudden change from daylight to tunnel-light makes it necessary for your eyes to readjust. That takes a few seconds, during which it is difficult to see.
Last time I went through there, It took me 1 1/2 hours to get from the Squirrel Hill tunnels to the Fort Pitt tubes. On a Saturday. There was a football game, and only one lane was open on the Parkway westbound through town.
Anyway, of course people are scared. After all , there’s a Pittsburgh on the other side of the tunnel. Unless you’re leaving, in which case there’s a rural Pennsylvania on the other side of the tunnel.
Hey, I’m originally from there, I can say what I want.
Because the walls are closing in!!!