Last night was awful. There is no other word for it. I didn’t feel like I was in the Christmas Spirit at all, and I didn’t want to do any of the stuff I usually enjoy. And there was much fighting and yelling. It was not a good scene. So I left, not sure where I was going, or if and when I was coming back. I just had to go. So I got in the car.
I started wandering south down El Camino Real, towards San Jose. Somewhere I missed a turn, and the next thing I know, I’m staring at a park, all decorated up with a gorgeous Christmas village. I had to stop the car and look at this. It was truely a site to behold. There were tons of people, walking, laughing and enjoying being with each other in this place. And it hit me really hard, especially given how tumultous my life has been this year. I broke down on the side of the road in tears, just standing there, watching this scene.
I don’t know how long he had been there watching me, he was just at the edge of my peripheral vision. But suddenly there was a hand on my shoulder. I turned to look and it was an older guy, probably in his late 50s, most likely homeless by the look of him. Long stringy hair, think grey beard, and not exactly what I would call clean. He looked at me and asked me why I was crying. I fell apart, I dumped two years of built up, pent up crap on this complete stranger, sobbing the entire time. When I was done, he looked me right in the eye, and told me I was an asshole. But then he asked me “is she still at home?” I assumed she was and said yes. His response was “then she still loves you, go home.”
I looked back at the village and the people one last time, turned to say something to him, but he was gone. But there was my Christmas…and something else I think.
Can’t say I’m perfect, but I know that I am where I belong, and I’m with who I should be with. And I’m in the spirit of the season. And that’s what matters most. So I hope everyone has a Merry or Happy whatever you celebrate.
