Apologies if this has been asked before, I did a couple searches (and googled it) and couldn’t come up with anything remotely similar.
A person on another message board threw out a statistic that “humans stay in love for four to four and a half years” but couldn’t remember where he picked this up.
I’ve read/heard/seen that the “honeymoon” phase of new relationships usually lasts about five months, but does anyone have any idea where this four to four and a half years thing comes from? Also, if this is a valid statistic, how do you suppose they are defining “in love”?
Thanks!
I cannot accept that this could be a valid statistic in any way, shape, or form. People are too variable, emotions are too variable, measurements are too variable to try and assess such a thing down to a number. Definitions alone would bring massive amounts of controversy to the scene. How, exactly, would one measure this? What possible relevence would it have to people, give the huge range of likely responses?
I have heard this too. But ina slightly diferent context. Supposedly, researchers found that we’re genetically programmed to stay “in love,” for 4-5 years. This is the age when a child is old enough to not be a burden on the mother to the same extent. After that, man and woman seek out new partners to spread the gene pool.
I have no site for this, and I feel it’s bogus.
It looks like a way to excuse/explain why in modern society, many relationships don’t last longer, and why ‘serial monogamy’ is the new lifestyle.
If this was hard wired, did women 5000 years ago have one child and then wait four years for the next? Not likely. They where either pregnant or breastfeeding about the whole damn time.
I too would welcome a cite. It was about ten years since I heard this reported i tabloid newspapers.
Here are two cites to get you started. Tennov developed the theory of Limerence (being in love) in the 1970s. I once found her entire thesis on-line, but I can’t find it now. Though many sociologists/anthropologists state that the “being in love” phase lasts typically a maximum of 4 years, Tennov did not put time limits on it, but rather said that Limerence lasts until it "wears itself out through non-reciprocation or disillusionment, until the limerent person is secure in the love-object’s affections, or until it is replaced by a deeper, more lasting love-bond.
As far as the “four year” theory of mate selection is concerned, - I don’t buy it for several reasons which I am too lazy to explain now. It IS true though, that in all studies of hunter/gatherer cultures that existed in the past 100 years, women typically had 2-4 children about 4 years apart. This was both through societal controls and prolonged breast-feeding that tends to depress ovulation. Societal controls often limited husband/wife contact through part of the post-partum period. These methods were pretty effective in limiting group population to sustainable numbers. When colonists, missionaries etc. infiltrated these cultures, substantial dislocation occurred whch severely disrupted this balance.
Are these sources found anywhere else in html format? For some reason, 99.9% of all pdf files I try to access freeze or stall my computer, these were no different.
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[hijacking own thread]
Many women I know practice “ecological breastfeeding” today as a means of non-invasive, non-chemical birth control to space their babies appropriately. Practiced correctly, breastfeeding will keep your body infertile for an average of two years. Some women manage to hang on for three but I think this is rare–even when breastfeeding into the 3-4 year range your body will return to fertility after twoish years because the frequency of feedings drops radically once the child is not getting her complete nutrition from breastmilk. [/hijacking own thread]
I agree - breastfeeding is certainly not a failsafe method, and your reasons, I believe are sound. I also think that ovulation can be intermittent during lactation, and that there is alot of variation among individuals. That is why the hunter/gatherer cultures also relied on social controls as well. I personally, nursed 3 babies and NEVER felt confident enough to rely on that alone.
Oops - forgot to answer your other question - I haven’t found the cites in any but PDF format. I could just cut&paste and post them here - they are long, but not terribly long. But I haven’t been posting here alot so I don’t know if that’s allowed.
Word of warning about using nursing as birth control - I nursed 3 babies and had my first period one month after giving birth each time, and regularly each month thereafter. I’m betting the social control was the decisive factor. That is: no sex with a nursing woman.
Please don’t do that. You can paraphrase or post excerpts of articles, but posting an entire article is not allowed because of copyright concerns.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by **Arnold Winkelried *** in FAQ - guidlines for posting at the SDMB
Suggested guidelines:
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[li]If you are going to quote something from an article, quote less than 5% of the source. Include a link to the article if the article is available online.[/li][li]Only quote directly in very rare circumstances. Instead of repeating a source word-for-word, read the article, attempt to understand it, and rephrase what it says in your own words. Again, include a link to the source if the source is available online. Otherwise indicate a reference to the source (e.g. Science News, issue x, pages yy-zz).[/list=A] [/li][/QUOTE]
Gosh darn it, I ain’t got the site, but I remember a report in the 90s that said the neurological conditions – the chemicals, or whatnot – that are responsible for the “in love” feeling generally last about 2 years. That’s about correct from my experience. (I’ve been with several women for 2 years, and the current SO I’ve been with for 3+.) After the “in love” period subsides, it’s a different feeling. It’s more a feeling of warmth and comfort rather than butterflies in the stomach, at least for me. Hard to explain.
One of my co-workers had heard that all the cells in the human body are replaced on a seven-year cycle, and figured that this explained the seven-year itch, since at the end of seven years there were no cells remaining from when you fell in love…
My guess is that humans are just to variable for any firm rule to exist. Hal Foster (creator of Prince Valiant) and Mark Twain come immediately to mind as two individuals who appeared to remain romantically infatuated with their spouses throughout their lives.
Originally posted by Yllaria
Word of warning about using nursing as birth control - I nursed 3 babies and had my first period one month after giving birth each time, and regularly each month thereafter. I’m betting the social control was the decisive factor. That is: no sex with a nursing woman.
How frequently did you nurse? Did you sleep in the same room/bed with the baby? Did you bottle feed at all?
Peace,
~mixie
On demand - for at least a month with the first two, probably a little longer with the third (bed in same room) - no.
I expect it’s just the way I am, although I’m not going to do any more experimenting to find out.