I was reading a thread up in GQ, and saw this post by erie774.
How many Dopers share this propensity? To not remember names.
Of those of us who share it, how many Dopers have trained themselves to pay attention to names? If you did, please share why and how you managed to change from what had been your natural proclivity.
I’ll say, now, I had been a “what’s in a name” sort for a long time, then changed and found it much easier than I’d ever expected. I just needed to be properly motivated. I’d love to hear other Doper’s experiences.
I learned some memory tricks years ago which I sometimes use for remembering names and numbers. There don’t seem to be any tricks for remembering faces, unfortunately, since I suck at that.
By the time I graduated from college in '93, I’d already seen/heard a few things about the importance of remembering names in professional situations (I also knew the importance of a good handshake). I don’t remember (heh) how I was with names while I was still an undergrad, but I know that I have always made an effort to remember names in the workplace. It seems to come pretty easily to me, though … maybe because I’m genuinely interested in most people I meet, co-workers or otherwise. I’m not a name savant or anything, but I tend to be better than average with names (and faces).
I cannot connect names with faces to save my soul. I can remember everybody’s home phone, business phone, cell phone, fax number, and e-mail, which is much more important in today’sworld.
Me too, but I promptly forgot the tricks. I am so bad at remembering names that it has become a favorite thing for my friends (whose names I do remember eventually) to laugh about.
As a related aside, I constantly have clients approach me at the grocery store/etc and assume I remember them. Hell, I see dozens of people every day. Does the guy who “cooks” your burger at McDonalds remember the specifics of your particular burger?
They say that people can’t remember the names of new aquaintences because they are concentrating on saying their own name. I try really hard to avoid that trap.
Last night I met some new people, and totally forgot one guy’s name almost immediately. It’s because we were also looking for other people. Entirely from context, I realized it’s Ryan, not Ron.
And about an hour ago I met someone new. Bill. No, Sam. Gus? Bartholomew?
To answer my own question a bit more in depth - I’m terrible with faces. I can get a gestalt for a person’s face, something that I may be able to use to recognize them when I meet them again, but describing it? I’d be a terrible eyewitness.
But until I was about 24 I never made much effort to learn people’s names to go with their faces. If I were going to deal with them day in day out, I’d learn, eventually, and if I weren’t going to see them again, what did it matter?
Then a friend of mine was either murdered or suicided aboard my ship.
And I was horrified to realize that the name I’d been calling him all along, thinking it was his first name, was just a nickname. And I’d never once, that I could recall, ever asked his name. And he was now dead. And I felt so shitty, so bad, so pissed off at myself for not knowing this man’s name, I told myself I’d make an effort to remember names, and try to use them.
And you know what? I suddenly found it was quite doable. It’s not something that will ever come easily to me, but it’s not hard to do, either - in my experience you just have to care enough to want to remember someone’s name, even if it’s just for the time you’ll be talking to the waitress at Friendly’s.
I manage a team of 20 salespeople. There are four other such teams in this center, and while those 80ish people don’t report to me I frequently have to deal with them. Counting their managers, the IT people, the admins, the training team, my boss and his admins, I have about 120 names & faces to keep straight. I accomplish this by repeating the persons name when we are introduced and using it at least three times in the first time, and doing regular mnemonic exercises. I also apologize ahead of time for getting names wrong, and give all those junior carte blanche to correct me if/when I mispronounce their name or otherwise err. As I absolutely hate it when people use the wrong name with me, I feel I owe others the same courtesy.
While you’re literally correct, it sounds to me like you’re blaming people who have difficulty with names. It’s not always our fault. Some people are naturally good at associating names with faces; others are naturally mediocre but can do it with effort and discipline; others simply can’t recognize faces and thus have no tag to put to the name.
I’m okay with names because I put an effort into it; it does not come naturally. And one thing I have enormous amounts of difficulty with is recognizing voices on the phone. One of my pet peeves is people who call, don’t immediately identify themselves, and then get all shirty when I ask who it is.
On the other hand they give me the chance to say “all shirty,” which is a good thing.
I’m terrible with names if they’re boring/generic. If someone has a weird name, I instantly like them - especially if they chose it themselves (and legally changed).
I don’t really care to make an effort to remember more names. When someone starts mattering to me I remember their name, and if they don’t, well why do I need to know their name?
Because it’s a hard-coded skill that your brain can either do well or not. Based on some online tests I’ve taken, I’m marginally face-blind. I’ve been virtually unable to recognize people I’ve known for years when they get a new hairstyle, grew some facial hair, or whatever. Nothing to be done about it, except rely on other cues. Voices, on the other hand, come readily and I sometimes find it easier to recognize a person by turning away and listening to them.
I’m marginally better with names than I am with faces. And pretty bad on both accounts. My best results with names is to speak the name aloud several times as soon as I can after learning it.
When I was teaching, I had my students walk by a video camera and say their name. As I had two sections of 100 students each, it took watching it several times, but I usually had it down by the next class. It always impressed them when I called on them by name so soon. First time I did it, though, I didn’t realize I was focussing on their clothes or hair. Oops. I learned to use facial features instead, since those don’t change.
If I know the name of a person I’m going to be meeting and some context - for example, going to a work-related meeting, knowing Joe Rockhead, the head of Project Q, will be there, then it’s easier to make the name-face link and make it stick.
On the other hand, when I’m working in the yard and a neighbor stops to chat, I generally won’t remember her name. The only reason I know our relatively new next-door neighbor’s name is his mail ended up in our mailbox a couple of times.
I try really hard to remember names, but more often than not, I fail miserably.
Sometimes, though, you think “meh” at first, then suddenly, after chatting all evening and realising that they are amazing, you also realise you’ve forgotten their name. And let’s face it, having to ask is always embarrassing
I always thought I was terrible at names, which as Superhal mentioned, was certainly part self-fulfilling prophecy. Then I started working at a very small hotel, where we prided ourselves on service. I wanted to know the people who came in, so I started paying attention. Just as a part of service, so when they would come in in the evening I would be able to say “Good evening Mr. & Mrs. So-and-so, I hope food at Bazaar is as a good as I remember? Here is your room key!” Once I started trying, really as a competition to myself, I realised it is actually really easy. I mean, seriously, all you need to do is remember. It’s not rocket surgery.
I still slip though. If I meet lots of people and don’t pay attention to remembering, I’ll forget.
I have a dreadfully hard time with names and faces and it’s because, like others have said, it’s just not that important to me. In my line of work I talk to people on the phone and then meet hundreds of them all in one day. No way I can differentiate that. So when you become important to me, I will start remembering your name and face.
For those of you who think “How can that be? It’s so EASY,”; first of all, I’d ask you to walk a mile in other people’s shoes. What’s easy for you is not easy for everyone else. It’s a pattern recognition thing and one that I’m not always that good at, and I’ll be frank and say sometimes white people do look alike to me. I struggle with two similarly built blondes, for example. Secondly, I am excellent at numbers. Numbers come to my head with no problem whatsoever and I easily memorize long strings of numbers. This moment I can easily rattle off my license plate #, driver’s license #, social security, both bank accounts, all my phone numbers and my SO’s, etc.
I do have some tricks to remember names when they are important.
