Somewhat beyond the scope of the OP, but wondering if anyone had thoughts as to how to interact w/ someone whose approach to the end of their pet’s life greatly differs from yours.
Yesterday my dtr called to tell me that they had their dog’s rear leg amputated. A big, male, 7 yr old greyhound.
She was very eager to tell us all manner of details - but the more she said, the more uncomfortable my wife and I became. In short, it impresses us that they are almost torturing this poor dog, which they do not expect to live more than a year. According to them and their vet, there is 90% chance there has already been metastasis, so dog is likely to die of lung CA w/in a year. In the meanwhile, the dog has to recover from this surgery - he has a drain installed, will be wearing a cone of shame, and will have to be carried up and down the stairs to their 2d floor apt. Apparently greyhounds’ skin is fragile, etc. They have not yet decided on chemo.
On the one hand, I fully support someone’s right to decide what to do re: their pets’ health. But on the other, it is challenging to just say variations of “I wish you the best in these difficult times…” This is obviously a big thing for them right now, so she wants to talk about it. And while I am glad she wants to share her life w/ me, I can’t lie and say I agree w/ what she is doing.
As I said before, at least they can afford it. But they are talking about saving up for a house, etc. … But the money is really a separate thing.
Have you shared your honest feelings with your daughter? Or are you continuing being a sympathetic father, withholding your true opinion? If the latter, are you afraid that she might get angry or disappointed in you?
I’m curious how you are approaching it. I believe as parents it’s hard sometimes to be honest with your kids, especially grown children, that aren’t yet fully mature (IMHO, late 20’s or older).
I spent 1,500 on tow separate incidences with my cat last year. If he gets into another fight and gets infected I will put him down. 4 years old. I won’t spend much on an animal unless I am really attached.
Well, probably somewhat between 1 and 2. We have always had dogs, and I guarantee our kids all know our opinions re: spending money on animals. Hell, 2 of my 3 kids (this one included) have agreed to off US if we needed their assistance!
When she told us the dog had CA, we had a reasonably lengthy discussion in which we reminded her of our position, saying such things as even tho they had the $ it could be spent other ways, they gave this dog 4 quality (and expensive) years, the need to weigh the time and quality of time gained, reminding her of the thought process concerning putting down our last 2 dogs, etc.
But once she made a decision that is clearly NOT what we would have strongly recommended, we don’t see much use in repeating our contrary opinion. I was just kinda trying to say benign, supportive things. My wife was having more trouble w/ even that, as my dtr went on about what will be involved.
My kids were born in 88, 89, 91 - so this one is going on 29. I dunno what I really “fear” that would keep me from being totally open and honest, but I’ve found it an interesting exercise to determine which issues my kids really don’t want to hear my opinion about. There are various issues in which we feel it best to keep our opinions to ourselves.
So yeah, now that this independent adult made the decision and has gone forward with it, how “honest” ought I be? Or, if I don’t want to hear the gruesome deets, how do I switch the subject?
I can’t give you any advice regarding changing the subject - but as far as how “honest” you should be? If she hasn’t actually asked you for advice or opinion , there’s no need to give it. Some conversations are about what to do about a situation and others are just to express feelings/thoughts , and if your daughter has already decided , it’s unlikely that she’s looking for your advice/opinion.
While I respect this opinion, I don’t relate to it at all. I don’t see how you can have a pet and not get “attached”… unless it’s a farm animal, I guess. But then that’s not a pet.
Even so, I feel more attached to my dogs than our cat even though she’s sweet as candy and I like her a lot. But she is still a member of the family and I will provide her with the best, proper care for her entire life. I guess the way I see it having a pet is sort of like marriage. “In sickness and in health, until death do we part” that kind of thing. And while I cherish the ability to use euthanasia to end suffering, I don’t use it for my own convenience to cheat on that “til death do we part” bit.
If you’ve got coyote around (and by now pretty much everybody in North America does), keep cats in the house at night. It’s not a guarantee, as coyote are sometimes out in the daytime; but it significantly improves their chances.
Yeah, we’re not far from HoneyBadger’s neighborhood, and we’ve had lots of coyote issues over the last few years. If you let your pets out to roam (or even on a leash during the early morning/evening – most dangerous times – one of our dogs was victim of an attempted snatch) you’re saying you don’t care if the coyotes get 'em.
