I think a big difference between when you are single and when you’re in a relationship is the amount of time you tend to spend by yourself doing “nothing”.
It got me to thinking that maybe I was spending a heck of a lot of my spare time doing absolutely squat. I reckon around a good 2-4 hours of the day where I am not in any real active work and so have nothing to forcibly do. That feels like a long time.
It’s been shortened with more time being spent with friends and on dates, but I still have some time on my hands where I pretty much do nothing.
How long do fellow dopers spend in this mental fortress of solitude? The simple conditions are that you have no real contact for a specific period of time with any other people. And you are not within your normal range of sleep time.
What amount of alone time would you consider “healthy” and appropriate?
My wife is a flight attendant and we live out in the boonies. There are days when I don’t talk to anyone, but the truth is I don’t get by with that very often or as often as I’d like. As to how much is healthy, that probably differs from person to person, but I think it would be rather unhealthy if you couldn’t stand being alone for a few hours a week.
I have to agree with Ringo. I work 12 hour shifts, nights, and on the “on” nights, I of course have to sleep in the day to get ready for the oncoming shift, so that’s no problem.
The problem is the “off” nights, which every other week number 4 in a row. Those are tough. I get out and cycle, I clean, I read, and like Ringo, I spend a lot of time here.
It’s nice sometimes not to have to be somewhere, but when it all gets too much, you know where I go? The hospital where I work. I sit there and just loiter. How’s that for irony?
I think I spend the majority of my time alone. My full-time work mostly involves writing, so I can do most of it by myself with just an occasional email from a co-worker. Most of the rest of my time is spent either riding the train, working out at the gym, or working at my part-time job, which involves even more train-riding and sitting around.
Can’t say it bothers me all that much, although my wife complains that I don’t talk very often.
I like peace and quiet, but I’m not often alone. I live in one of the world’s largest cities, use public transport at all times, work in a very large office for a very large company, I don’t live alone and I have friends who live fairly close by. I don’t often get time just to myself unless I deliberately avoid contact.
Being a stay-at-home mom, I get a lot of time alone. My daughter naps for a few hours (2-3) per day, so I’m alone the whole time she’s asleep.
There are some days where the only adult conversation I have is with her. On those nights when my husband is in the lab late, and comes back after I’m in bed, hers is the only company I have.
When I do have adult conversation, it’s usually just buying things in shops or a brief chat with her nursery teacher (in French).
I used to value my alone time much more when I lived in an area where I had friends and family. Now, I rarely yearn for a quiet moment alone. In fact, I look forward to noise and people around me. Odd, that.
That sounds more pathetic that I’d like it to, but it’s true.
I am never alone, for my faithful mutt-hound Spud is always with me.
[a-hem] However, whiule I am married, my wife is currently attending college in another state, so I am alone pretty much whenever I am not at work, though I did see some friends Wednesday (I think).
As an only child who moved a lot and has a step family I had a tough time getting along with, I am very accustomed to spending much of my time alone reading, watching TV … and of course making innumerable RPG characters in case I ever need one at a moment’s notice. You can never have too many pre-prepared!
Last fall I sometimes went days between seeing people. I had a period of three weeks where I didn’t touch anyone, even.
I am finding myself more inclined to prefer the company of people than to prefer being alone, though there are times where I do need to be just me, nobody else.
If I’m alone I can usually find someone online to talk to … I don’t like being alone much, and when I am alone I’ll almost always occupy myself with something so I’m not just left to counting fingers.
I spend a great deal of my non-work, non-sleep time alone. By that, I mean that I do not regularly interact with anyone. I may take a long drive or motorcycle trip by myself. I may sit at home and read, watch TV or listen to music.
I spend another good chunk of time interacting briefly with people, but I’m still basically alone - I’ll go to the coffee shop and will interact with folks on that perfunctory level while I’m there. I’ll go to see a movie and interact with the ticket people, concessioners, etc and even though I’m in a theatre full of people, I’m there alone.
So, I guess you’d have to be more clear abou the “doing nothing” part of the query. I can’t think of to much time at all that I spend simply “doing nothing” - maybe when I sit in the back yard in the sunshine on a Sunday afternoon - but even then, I’m usually listening to the radio or something.
As far as the remaining issues in the OP, I find solitude to be very nice and I feel that you’d really have more of a problem if you considered being alone unbearable.
Ha. This falls into the “Not nearly enough” category for me. Husband who works weird shifts, 4 kids, you can do the math.
And I LOVE to have time alone. It’s a treasure. Luckily I do have a couple of hours of solitude each day, but only because I wake up at 3:30 a.m. to deliver papers. Right now, it’s the Job from Heaven for me, partly because I actually get paid to drive, listen to the radio, and BE ALONE!
Anahita, I can so relate. Feel free to im me when you want to talk to a grownup. Same goes to other SAHPs.
I’m seriously considering putting together some kind of little get-away mini-vacation package for harried moms. (“The Great Mom Escape–because even Great Moms need to run away sometimes…”) Don’t you think I’d make a mint?
"I think a big difference between when you are single and when you’re in a relationship is the amount of time you tend to spend by yourself doing “nothing”. "
Can’t you be single and be in a relationship too ??
I am very involved with someone right now, but for a lot of reasons we do not spend a lot of time together. Consequently I spend many hours alone. Do I enjoy it ? Absolutely!
I’ve always been the “loner” type, and my gentleman friend also. This is a major reason for our harmony. . we don’t demand that we be together every spare moment we have.
I agree that the amount of time one considers “healthy” depends upon the individual. There is a vast spectrum of “neediness” if you will.
I’m not in a relationship right now, but even when I was I got a lot of alone time. I live with two other people, one of which who is never here and the other is a good friend. We often hang out together and have regular things we do (ie Thursdays meet with other RPers to discuss games and have dinner, 3 seperate games a month where I interact ic and ooc with others) I also go out semi-often… maybe 2 or 3 weekends a month and hang at a karaoke bar with other friends, sometimes I even go just by myself to listen, sing, have a couple brown cows and play the Maxx or trivia games…
Other than that I get a lot of time, out of school to myself. Even when Liam is home sometimes we barely talk to each other. I’ve never been inclined to having to have people around me all the time. I spend my time reading, writing, role playing (online), chatting on MB’s etc etc etc. As a child I was always very solitary, at least after the first move. Before then I had several friends who I played with a lot. After that I became a very solitary child.
When I’m alone I am generally not doing nothing but I amuse myself. Even if it’s just with the thoughts in my own head.
