I’d like to give a real example of this, from a discussion among friends on a discord server recently.
There was some chatter about “cargo cult programming”
A few days after that conversation, someone came in and said:
I’m very behind on this channel, but I did want to say I would appreciate if we didn’t use the term “cargo cult programming” in this venue. The term is based on a reference to “cargo cults”, which is an extremely problematic and pejorative term for a complicated phenomenon that rose out of colonialism.
One of the people who had used the phrase said
I had been familiar with “term for a complicated phenomenon that arose out of colonialism”, but hadn’t been familiar with “pejorative”. Today I learned.
The person who originally brought up the term replied
I’m happy to respect that, but curious if anyone knows another way to express the idea in question.
(The programming related idea, I mean, which is only metaphorically connected to the namesake.)
A discussion followed as to other ways to express the idea of using chunks of code without understanding them. The guy who originally used the term pointed out that he’d had to explain what he meant to some of us anyway, so maybe the phrase wasn’t actually all that helpful. Others thought it was, and returned to trying to come up with good replacements (it’s probably more understood within certain programming circles than it was in this broader community.)
One person jumped in to say
You need there to be a good replacement before you’ll drop something someone has just told you is offensive?
She was told “no”, everyone agreed they planned to stop using the term, but nonetheless wanted to think about who to best reproduce the meaning. An interesting conversation ensued, although no one came up with a term that everyone liked. No one apologized, and everyone remained friendly.
This is how “accusations that what you said are racist” play out in the liberal world.