"Some of my best friends are ____"

Great Debates
1

I was listening to random talk radio on the way home from work a few day ago, and the host (it was the one-name-only Karel) was talking about racism, and mentioned the old chestnut “some of my best friends are black”, and then immediately said “and that’s such a racist statement”.

Now, it’s certainly the case that “some of my best friends are XXX” has pretty negative connotations associated with it, and is kind of the stereotypical thing that someone says to prove they’re not XXXist when in fact they are. But is there really anything inherently wrong with it?
Perhaps it’s different with different forms of prejudice… racism typically means thinking other races are inferior, so you could think that blacks were inferior, but still be friends with some, either in a “he’s not like the rest of them” sense, or by convincing yourself that you are good friends with the guy who cleans your yard. On the other hand, homophobia frequently means revulsion/hatred/uncomfortability-with, so maybe “some of my best friends are gay” is a better defense against homophobia than “some of my best friends are black” is against racism?
To look at it another way, what ELSE can you say that gives any evidence at all that you are NOT XXXist?

“You’re racist”
“No I’m not”
“Prove it”
“Uhhh…”

At that point, unless you (assuming you’re a random white guy) either spend a lot of time volunteering for the NAACP or married a black woman, what can you say?

2

It seems to me that any accusation of racism which bears any merit would come up in the context of a specific action of the accused. For example, if the accused person made a blatantly racist comment, then to claim that he has friends who are of that race isn’t a great defense. It’s sidestepping the issue. I also think you can be completely non-racist and still not have any friends who are of a certain race. Most people make their friendships based on chance encounters that don’t really say anything about racial prejudice (of course, if you met all your friends at a Klan rally, that would be saying something).

If the accusation is some generalized thing, such as “All white people are inherently racist,” then that is a bullshit accusation that one shouldn’t bother to defend against anyway.

So, yeah, if you aren’t facing a bullshit accusation, and you truly feel you’re not racist, and you want to defend yourself, you should respond to the specific criticism.

3

If someone calls you “racist”, denying it does you no good. Just ask back, “And the evidence for this is…?” This gives you something solid to refute.

4

“Some of my best friends are black” has the burden of being a common remark made by people denying racism, fairly or not. Too often it has meant something like “Why, the colored servants are just like part of the family!” The most effective retort has perhaps been “But are YOU one of THEIR best friends?”

5

“You’re racist”
“No I’m not”
“Prove it”
“I don’t have to prove a damn thing to you.”

6

“I can’t prove it. And you can’t prove I am a racist.”

7

Phil Ochs song from long ago. Some of the best blacks are my friends. It sounded hollow 40 years ago., no better now.
Prove you are not a racist is equivalent to did you quit beating your wife.
?

8

Like Trent Lott, you can kiss your political rear good-bye :wink:

9

“You’re racist”
“No I’m not”
“Prove it”
“We’re the same colour and I hate you the most”

10

I ain’t got no political rear; The older I get, the crankier I become. As someone else pointed out, this is basically a unanswerable question and I would choose to not become involved in attempting to prove it one way or the other.

11

“You’re racist”
“No I’m not”
“Prove it”
“I would, but the black people listening wouldn’t be able to follow my intelligent reasoning anyway”

12

I’m not sure it’s always so cut and dried. There are certainly times when people are quick to throw accusations of racism (or whatever) due to some political stance, and having some counterclaim which disproves their accusation might actually add to the discussion. For instance, something like: (oversimplifying)

A: I’m against affirmative action
B: You must be racist against blacks
A: But many of my best friends are black. Why, here’s a photo of my wedding. See my best man?
B: But, but, if you’re not racist, then you must have some reasoned justification for your position. Why, that really makes me think!
Now, that’s obviously a more than slightly idealized hypothetical, but I don’t see any reason why there wouldn’t be times when providing evidence for one’s own non-racism would be both (a) possible, and (b) useful. If nothing else, when you’re being falsely accused of something, it feels good to respond, and to have some weight to your response. No one likes being publically (in the sense that message board is public) accused of something and just sitting there not refuting it…

13

He’s the GOP’s Number 2 guy in the Senate these days, ya know.

14

So now you are stealing thier women, anything to keep the black man down huh…racist!

15

In my youth I worked as a doorman in an English Midlands Movie house ,an agitated usherette ran up to me one night and said a bloke had come in through a fire exit without paying and she knew this for a fact because he was one of her neighbours but she was too scared to openly identify him .
I challenged him and he made a big production of going through his pockets to find the non existent ticket.Trembling in my boots Isaid well lets see the cashier shes sure to remember serving a 6’8" West Indian
His immediate response was "your doing this because Im black"and I said no mate Im doing this because you havent bothered buying a ticket

.
.He came along quietly down the back staircase,relaxed I let myself get ahead of him
then he punched me in the back and ran away out of the cinema !
I of course ran after him but very,very slowly I can assure you on that one.

16

2 ways to handle the racism charge:

Verbal judo method:

“You’re racist!”
I’m sorry you feel that way. [walk away]

Combat method:

“You’re racist”
Yeah? What are you going to do about it? [punch away]

17

I dont think its a racist statement as such. It just shows the person doesnt get that its a meaningless statement, which calls into question how much of an understanding about racism they have, thus calling into question whether they’d even realise they’re racist or not.

Its very easy to be racist and have mental exclusions when being racist ‘hes not X, hes my friend/an exception/whatever’. By trying to define racism as only being when you have a complete hatred of a race to the point you couldnt even be near to someone from that race, you’re showing a fairly basic ignorance of how racism can function in more subtle ways.

Ie its a credibility damager.
Otara

18

:dubious:
I’m curious, how often does this occur?

I’m black and I’ve never accused a white person of racism. Even when it was warranted. Though, I must admit, I do approach whites with a healthy bit of skepticism. From my view, I think blacks and whites have completely different views of racism. Whites seem to define racism in comparison to past discrimination (e.g. “You’re not being lynched anymore so shut up, sit down, and take my order”). I tend to look at racism a bit more subjectively in that I ask myself “If I were white, would I be treated this way?”

Let me give a few examples.

I received both my undergraduate and graduate (well, this May to be exact) degree in Biology. While I might not be an Eric Kandel or a Richard Dawkins, I’ve published papers, given presentations, and can “talk the talk” of biology. In the classroom, if group work is involved, I find it exceedingly difficult to get into a group despite sincere efforts to do so. I’ve had instructors, even in graduate school, tell me that I “speak well” or “write well”. Did they expect me to speak in Ebonics or submit a paper scrawled in purple crayon? In any case, I always thank the instructor for the so-called compliment and move on. I have worked nights running western blots only have the campus police show up inside the lab demanding identification.

This may not seem like much, but over time, it adds up. Currently, I’ve completely withdrawn from my colleagues and I am all the better for it. At first I worried that my withdrawal would come off as being hostile, but I eventually decided that I don’t care if it does. Recently, I interviewed for a PhD program in Chicago and what struck me was warmth and genial the atmosphere among the whites that I met. While my stay was short, it does make me wonder whether my experiences are more of a regional, Michigan thing rather than the norm. Time will tell.

To address the OP directly, I don’t think its racist to say “My best friend is so and so”. If I learned anything about racism in America, it isn’t what you say, it’s what you do.

  • Honesty
19

It’s often the case that people who say “some of my best friends are X” say that in preperation to some sweeping generalization about group X. You never hear people say “some of my best friends are named Mike,” or “some of my best friends are less than five foot four.”

20

Would, “Some of my favorite relatives are black.” be any better than some of my best friends are?