This one has been bugging me for a while.
I put this in MPSIMS because I suspect there’s a really obvious answer that will have large consensus.
Why is it inappropriate to counter allegations of racism by pointing out that you have friends of that particular race?
I’ve never known it to be offensive, just eye-rollingly unconvincing. Lots of people are racist while maintaining a friendly acquaintance with someone of another race.
In other words, racism isn’t just a matter of being polite to people of other races. It’s a matter of what you believe about people and how you think about them. If you think that black people are inferior but you’re still nice to black people, that makes you a polite racist.
It’s not offensive, it’s just stupid because it’s unconvincing. You can like individual members of (X group) while still holding stereotypes and negative prejudices about the group as a whole.
I think it’s condescending. You’re saying that having friends of a different race makes you a tolerant and accepting person, like a friend of a different race is something to be accepted, something special.
It’s hard to explain. A Doper who communicates better than me will be along shortly, no doubt.
If someone accuses you of being a racist, and you truly aren’t, does there exist a convincing counter argument? Seems that “some of my best friends” probably is really the best one can do in this situation.
It’s not inappropriate, it’s inapposite. That is, most people object to the phrase when it’s presented in conjunction with something that’s unmistakbly racist. If some one says, “Don’t get me wrong: some of my best friends are Mexican. But why are they all so lazy?” The “some of my best friends” disclaimer does not lessen the explicit racism of the second sentence. This particular dodge is so common that “Some of my best friends are x” is often taken as shorthand for “I’m about to say something incredible racist.” However, there’s nothing inherently racist or offensive about the term itself. It’s just that it’s so often in company with something racist or offensive that it’s been taited by association.
I should hope so:)
I don’t think there’s a particularly good argument. You can argue about the specific point that made them call you a racist, but it’s hard to prove you don’t hold a feeling. It’s hard to prove motivations at all; although you can pick out individual actions it’s also not that easy to prove a person IS a racist.
Oh yeah. My mom was once talking to a friend of mine, telling her about a Hispanic couple she knew: “They’re really nice, not scuzzy like you usually think of Mexicans.” (Blithely assuming that everyone automatically thinks of Mexicans as “scuzzy.”)
And my sister’s black co-worker is a nice girl, but <insert just about any horrible racist thing that people say about black people>.
There’s a world of difference in getting to know and like certain individuals, and assuming the worst about unknown others who share those individuals’ physical qualities (or sexual orientation).
Fiveyearlurker: I think that would have to depend on the specific accusation. I’m thinking of an incident in my past in which a person complained that everyone in the group hated her because she was black. No, we hated her because she was an obnoxious bitch. The other black people in the group were perfectly nice and got along with everyone.
It’s all too often the standard reply of racists, so much so that it’s become a cliche:
“But some of my best friends are black!”
And when you ask them a little more about their supposed friends (who are most often co-workers that they didn’t exactly choose to associate with) – say something like “Oh? When were you at their house last? How many children do they have?” – they usually show how close these “friends” are.
If it’s really true, you should be able to back it up, and not just use that particular phrase – “I was the best man at his wedding.” “We roomed together at college for 4 years.”
And, on review, it’s true that you can like one person who’s a member of a particular race, and still have low opinions of that race as a whole, as others have mentioned.
Just seems wrong that it’s so easy to throw the word “racist” out, with no good way to prove otherwise. If someone truly does have a pretty mixed group of friends, to me, while it isn’t proof that they aren’t racist, it does say SOMETHING about their feelings on people of other races. No?
But, it’s like being called a kid toucher. As soon as you’re involved in defending yourself from the accusation, no matter how outlandish, you can’t possibly win.
So let’s say someone accuses me of racism, and I reply “I have a friend of X race” without any racist addendum is that ok? This scenario is one where I am defending accusation of racism, rather than making a racist statement.
What I meant was that having a friend of a different race isn’t something that should need defending. Heck, it shouldn’t even be noticed. By noting it, you’re defending it, which means you think it’s something special, and it shouldn’t be.
It implies they probably don’t think race is a big deal but it doesn’t guarantee much. If a person has friends of many races and says something that sounds racist, what happened? Did the person misspeak? Does he harbor some prejudices against some groups despite being friendly with people in other groups, or in the same group? It’s a little hard to judge this sort of stuff in the abstract. The issue with racists using this “some of my best friends” defense is that you can still believe stereotypes about a group while believing your friends are the exceptions.
It’s okay, but it’s probably not going to convince the accuser that they’re wrong about you.
If you do X and the accuser calls you racist, you’ll probably be better off explaining why you did/said what you did than using the “some of my best friends are ____!” line.
IMHO it’s because actual racists actually use this line as if it negates observed racist behavior. It’s a cliche to use it that way, and they must certainly have been exposed to that cliche, but they still actually use it with comical frequency. That’s really what bugs me about it – that they think anyone would believe it after it’s become such a standard cliche. That shows disrespect for the listener’s intelligence.
If someone just accuses you of being something, out of the blue, with no supporting evidence, I think the most appropriate defense is “no I’m not.” If you’ve been accused of racist motivation in some particular action, you should put pressure on the accuser to show that your motivation was racist.
Of course if you really are a racist, you should just admit it since everyone probably already knows.
Because it sounds an awful lot like “I love <minority>, they make great pets!”
Well, why are they calling you a racist in the first place? If someone’s throwing around accusations of racism for no reason, then they’re pretty clearly not interested in whether or not you’re really a racist: they’re either saying it to wind you up, or they are themselves racist. Either way, there’s no real point in arguing with them over it, and they’re not likely someone whose good opinion you would value in the first place.