There this one Black guy that frequents the same watering hole I do.
Anytime he’ll make a pass at a White women and she turns him down (keep in mind this guy is married and everyone there knows it) he’ll say something to the effect of: “Oh, I see. It’s because I’m Black right?”
Now most women there are hip to his little “guilt trip” game but every once in a while he’ll find one that’s naive and she’ll spend the next half hour explaining to this dueche she’s not a racist.
I’ve rarely been put in that situation but the few times I’ve had; I just chose not to try to convence anyone.
It’s definitely cliched to say: “But some of my best friends are ________”, for one thing. Furthermore, it kind of implies you think this is somehow special or surprising, which can imply a type of racism.
I don’t believe it is racist in and of itself to say it, but it is often said by people who hold racist opinions (sometime mild ones, but racist ones nonetheless). It’s not a particularly good defense, by itself, against charges of racism. Maybe it is against a particularly vehement form of racism, but not against run-of-the-mill passive racism.
The problem sometimes appears to be that the friends don’t indicate a fair position for all people of their particular race, but are looked on as exceptions to the rule. “Black people are shifty, but Mike here’s alright”. It’s possible to be very good friends with people of <group> while still thinking <group> as a whole aren’t good for one reason or another.
I’d say the best defense against accusations of racism is simply to point out what you believe on whatever it is the accusation touches on. If you’re accused of prejudice taking on a specific form, then say that you don’t believe that particular point (if that’s true, of course). If it’s a point you do hold, but disagree that it is a racist one, then I suppose really the only thing possible is to try and convince the other person otherwise whilst remaining open and willing to be persuaded yourself. But that’s a good thing anyway.
I think Stephen Colbert does a good job of making fun of this whole concept on his show when he talks about his “black friend” right after he reassures everybody that he doesn’t “see race.” But his “black friend” is, well, a token. The first time we see his black friend on the show, Colbert is pointing and smiling like he’s some sort of trophy.
Turn it around. Maybe it stems from the idea that **if **you’re only friends with people of your own race, then you must be racist.
I don’t think I believe that but maybe just I don’t want to believe it because it describes me. I haven’t got any friends who aren’t the same race as me. And I don’t think I’m racist. Maybe I am. Maybe I’m not.
I keep trying to compose an argument that you should know whether or not you are racist. However, I know a ton of people who are racist and don’t know it. The reason I know that I’m not racist is because I’m honest with myself about my thoughts. If I have a prejudiced thought, I say to myself, ‘‘Self, that’s racist bullshit and you have no business thinking it.’’ I then go on living my life with complete and total disregard to that thought. True racists, I’ve found, are completely unwilling to be honest about their prejudiced thoughts/feelings, and even more unwilling to denounce them.
I agree that it doesn’t automatically make you racist if all your friends are of one race. This is particularly the case if you aren’t exposed to people of other races. I didn’t have a single Jewish friend growing up – but that’s because I was 18 before I actually met anyone who was Jewish.
Generally, I’ve found that explaining my position works much better. Most white people, white men especially, are going to be accused of racism at some point in their life, and:
(1) It helps not to actually say “I’m not racist, but…”, which always smacks of “he doth protest too much”
(2) “I have <x race> friends” doesn’t mean much in the first place
(3) A well-reasoned explanation of whatever it was that earned the accusation in the first place, will pacify most people. “I can see why you’d feel that way, but actually, what I really meant is XYZ, and I worded it that way because ABC. I think a better way to word it would probably be DEF. Sorry if I offended you.” Reasonable people will accept that if it’s sincere, and unreasonable people don’t really matter anyway.
That’s fair, but consider that it’s just as easy to claim that your best friends are <x race> and there is no reliable way to disprove that.
Ah, but the language in question belies the fact that their group of friends is probably not pretty mixed; “some of my best friends are <x race>” implies that most of your friends are not, and that you think it’s pretty exceptional that you have <x race> friends.
I’ll put it this way. When I was in high school, I did have a pretty mixed group of friends; among other things, I played on a very tight-knit basketball team with fairly close numbers of white, black, Hispanic and Asian players, for a school with a similar ethnic makeup–yet it would have never occurred to me to say “some of my best friends are <black/Hispanic/Asian>”. It just didn’t come up, because I didn’t have racist things to say that I wanted to cushion with that, and if I were accused of racism for some reason, I would’ve had much better reasons than that to plead my case with. And I just didn’t think of myself that way: “I’m so proud of myself for having Mexican-American friends.” Friends are friends.
My favorite Daily Show moment was when Stewart showed a clip of the Yes on 8 (California marriage ban) campaign manager saying, “I’m not anti-gay. I have gay friends.”, and then ol’ Jonny said exactly what I was thinking: “Your gay friends all hate you.”
Said the wifebeater: ‘I’m not sexist, I married a woman!’
Everyone’s a bit racist, even <other race> friends. And the kind of people who think one friend of another ethnicity absolves them of any prejudice are usually the types who think one person of another ethnicity can speak for his or her entire ‘race.’
And, as others have mentioned, it’s just a cliché now.