How should I kidnap my boyfriend?

In My Humble Opinion
1

On his birthday I am planning to come to his house in the morning before he goes to work and kidnap him instead. I am going to take him to a cabin in Yosemite for a couple of days. I already called his day-job employer and got him the days off – still have to OK it with his evening job.

ANYWAY, how should I do the kidnap scene?

I could:

come over unexpectedly to his house the night before, spend the night with him, and have a 3rd party kidnapper come over in the morning and kidnap both of us – I was thinking the kidnapper could throw black hoods over our heads, put handcuffs on us, and take us out to my truck (ok, my evil SUV) and throw us in the back (where there would be blankets and pillows), drive us for about ten minutes, drop himself off, and then let me take over…

I’m worried that my captive might suspect something if I come over the night before, though…I live about 1 hr, 45 min away, and wouldn’t normally come over on this night, so I’m afraid he’ll know something’s up.

Or, I could come over in the morning, get a key made to his house, let myself in, and just blindfold & handcuff him and take him out to the car…

Or, I could come over in the morning, with another woman (both of us in disguise?), and we could grab him and put him in the car and she could drive us away…of course, I’ll be ditching her soon…

What do you guys think? Ideas about how to go about it? Comments on my scenarios?

(He’s a peaceful guy, so I’m not afraid he’ll reach under his pillow and shoot anyone. Of course, there wouldn’t be a gun there anyway, so there would be no point…)

2

I doubt he’d appreciate having the crap scared out of him, so I would drop the 3rd party and disguise idea (unless he can tell it’s you). I suggest you simply go along in the morning with a blindfold and handcuffs and calmly inform him you are kidnapping him and he isn’t going to work.

3

I am in total agreement with Racer 1! No kidnapping except by you. If he gets edgy, tell him he just has to trust you.

Overall, I think your plan to get him away for a couple of days is super! But be gentle with him. :wink:

4

My mother did something similar to my dad for his 60th (minus the handcuffs and hoods - just got him into a car with friends who drove him for 2 hours in the opposite direction to that which he expected) and he hated it. It was the fact that he didn’t know what was going on or where he was going, and that nobody would tell him, that made him extremely uncomfortable. He appreciated the thought, but not the practicaility.

5

Unless he has told you about how being kidnapped like that is a real fantasy of his I think the third party idea is really bad one.

Unless it will be some sexy chic dressed as a Nazi but YMMV.

6

What about saying you want to drive him to work and then just start driving to wherever your going. When says you missed the turn or whatever say happy birthday, or some such. Kinda low key, but no one will crap themself.

7

Racer1 has the best idea. I would drop the blindfold and handcuffs idea as well, unless you are sure he likes that sort of thing.

For the record, I kidnapped the Lovely and Talented Mrs. Shodan for a weekend (no, no handcuffs - just a surprise). Major husband points. :slight_smile:

Regards,
Shodan

8

…you might want to covertly check what’s going on at his work; if he can’t take the day off, it’ll all be for naught. Otherwise, just go with Racer1’s idea.

9

Thanks for all your responses so far. I’d still be interested in hearing additional ideas/variations, so if you have any, feel free to offer them.

In any case, I should have clarified a couple of things:

He told me he has been kidnapped on his birthday before, and he has also just kidnapped himself – gotten away – he loves to just get away on his birthday, from all his responsibilities, etc. I don’t know if he’s been kidnapped like this - strong-armedly forced into a car - but I think he’ll like it.

Um, I haven’t ever tried them on him, but I have a STRONG feeling he’s not going to mind handcuffs and blindfold. I’ll take them off in a 1/2 hour or so…I think this is where the 3rd party driver will come in handy.

If I do the 3rd party thing, I plan to act not scared at all and just sort of say, “Oh dear! What is happening to us!” and laugh. He will know pretty quick that it’s not real.

And if there are costumes involved, they will be something that a kidnapper wouldn’t really wear - for instance, if I do it with another woman, I suspect we’ll wear skintight black clothes and masquerade half-masks or something.

As for his job, the day-job is the real one, and I checked with his employer - she says that he has to schedule a certain seminar he’s giving between now and then, but she’s pretty sure he won’t schedule it on his own birthday, and other than that he’s free to go. (As a result of our conversation, she’s also going to go to the board and request that all employees get their birthday off as a paid holiday.) The night job is managing a restaurant - not exactly one of those irreplaceable positions.

So! In light of all that, and as I write this, I’m sort of leaning toward the 3rd party situation…I dunno! It will be fun though.

10

Not knowing you and your boyfriend, my advice would be to be careful with the blindfolds and handcuffs. His getting carsick or panicking while cuffed would be a really bad way for to start what was supposed to be a romantic weekend. Along with that, Yosemite is a long drive and the excitement of being abducted could wear off a long time before the two of you get there. I’d make the first act of your play a quick one and do something to start the weekend before you left town.

Here’s one suggestion: call him a day or two before and tell him that you have a morning appointment near his job; you would like to drive him to work. Once he’s in the car, drive towards his work, but before you get there stop in an empty parking lot. Tell him that you have a weekend planned, his boss doesn’t expect him at work, and he has the choice of going with you or going to another dull day of work where no one expects him and everyone will ask why he is there. This is where you might bring out the handcuffs, if you’re so inclined, and “kidnap” him away to the mountains.

Of course, that’s just one suggestion. IMHO, YMMV, etc., etc…

11

Tesseract is leaving out a crucial detail. She didn’t mention that she has only known her boyfriend for two weeks. :eep: Just kidding, I don’t know how long you have known him but that could be pretty fun. I think if you can find some super villain costumes it would be better. I would also stay away from any sort of mask.

12

Well if you do the kidnapping in the way you suggest you may want to try some sort of windowless van.

Would he know the ‘kidnapper’? If one of my wife’s friends came in, wearing a skin tight black clothes, then at water pistol point handcuffed and blindfolded my willing wife. I think I would have a pretty big errection.

Now, you are tied up and blindfolded and your boyfriend is in that state and your friend is standing there in a skin tight black outfit.

What will happen next?

13

If you want it to seem really authentic, sneak up behind him and hit him with a tire iron. Then, bind him up with duct tape him and throw him into the trunk of an old Chevy Impala.

[sub]Disclaimer: do not do any of these things.[/sub]

14

Here’s a better plan. Get some reason that you need to drive him to work that morning (you’re going to a Lasix procedure, and won’t be able to drive home, could he drive you there and drop you off, and oh, yea, you know the way, so you’d better drive). Then, as you drive off to Yosemite, just keep telling him that, yea, you’re sure the Lasix place is just up ahead, a few more exits, the next freeway over, a little further, no problem, yep, there it is, no wait not yet, until you get to Yosemite.

My wife took me to a special lunch for my 30th birthday, and we were in the parking lot at the airport before I realized that she wasn’t just hopelessly lost, and was, in fact, kidnapping me for the weekend.

15

I wouldn’t take a chance on letting him think he is becoming the victim of a violent crime. That sort of thing scars the psyche; I think it might be a bit too intense for what you have in mind. I personally would absolutely freak if someone did this to me; I would probably need therapy afterwards, and end the relationship. Of course, I’m a claustrophobe with a panic disorder. And I hate practical jokes, too. I just think they’re mean.

16

dorkus, that’s so unfair. It’s been at least a month. Ha ha just kidding - this is our first celebration of his b’day though.

Zebra, if I use an accomplice I’ll make SURE she ties HIM up first. Good lookin’ out.

Shelbo’s idea to pretend I’m lost is perfect, because I have the worst sense of direction in the world. Hmmm…

By the way, everyone, it IS too long to Yosemite to keep up the whole kidnapping scheme. I figure I’ll let him out of his bonds soon enough, take him out to breakfast on the way, and the rest of the way he can ride up front. I might not tell him where we’re going, but I will tell him how long he has to sit in the car.

Wow, now there’s an idea. Do you really think I should do that? I mean, that sounds authentic, but don’t you think that might make him mad? But then, authenticity is really important. OK, my mind’s made up. I’m going to go with Giraffe’s suggestion, so I’ll let you guys know how it goes. What was that tiny print on your post, Giraffe? I couldn’t really read it.

17

This, I think, is the best approach, only don’t ditch the other girl.
:wink:

18

Forget the psyche, I would freak out like you would not believe and someone would probably get physically hurt. That’s all you need is to have to explain to the cops how the guy wearing a skimask a jaw busted open by a 9-iron was part of some elaborate joke.

19

[hijack]Oh dear - I just called employer #2 to ask for the time off for him and she told me that the bf is no longer working there, as of today. I couldn’t tell from how she said it if he had quit or had been fired. I can’t imagine him being fired, though…he’s good and well-liked. On the other hand, that means he didn’t give notice, because he worked last night…so maybe that means he did get fired!? I can’t bring it up because I’d have to tell him how I knew. So now I guess I’ll just wait for him to call and tell me.[/hijack]

20

There’s one thing I don’t think anyone has mentioned…namely, if you are gonna go with the handcuffs thing, what happens if some neighbor happens to see this and calls the cops? I’d be pretty suspicious if I saw something like this.