How sure of a birth control method is irradiating my 'nads?

[red_dragon60]

So if I grab some really strong pitchblende, around 160,000 CPM, and tape it to my nads for a few days, how effectively would it sterilize me? Would I need something even stronger? Do I need a Venusian Radio-Ray 3000 to baste my sperm in wonderful gamma rays? What would the possibility be of me getting cancer from such a procedure?

Not that I am going to try this, but I am always looking for alternative home remedies…

[pkbites]

Coming up with weird things to stick on your nuts is a sure sign you’re using too much caffiene, dope, or both. Get a hobby, a girlfriend, and some decaf, and stop dreaming up ways to nuke your nads.

[Princhester]

Have you thought about the possibility that you would remain fertile but give birth to something with damaged DNA?

[red_dragon60]

Flipper children, eh? I can make my own super race! I am asking about how low my sperm count would be.

[Princhester]

Or even that your partner might give birth to something with damaged DNA?

[Sofa_King]

Dude, take it from me. Don’t do anything to The Boys that can’t be reversed. Don’t trust another person to handle 'em while you’re not conscious outside of a hospital, and try your very best to just leave them the hell alone.

That having been said, I think the question here is, “what is the level of radiation produced by pitchblende which will guarantee sterility?”

According to this guy, sterility can be temporarily induced by, “an acute dose of 2^GY to the gonads,” while 5^GY should be permanent.

I’m kind of curious as to what might happen to the offspring after repeated neutron bombardment of your spermatoza for purposes of birth control. Eraserhead? Hell if I know.

Anyway, if that easily Googled site is correct, it seems as if you’ll need whatever 2^GY means of radiation directed at the package.

In your case, red_dragon60, I’m gonna crawl out on a limb and guess that you can use the same wheelbarrow you cart 'em around in already.

[Duck_Duck_Goose]

Dude.

Google, “sperm count radiation”.
http://radefx.bcm.tmc.edu/ionizing/subject/risk/acute.htm

Effects of Fractionated Testicular Irradiation on Sperm Count
Testicular dose (Gy) Effect

    0.1-0.3         Temporary oligospermia

    0.3-0.5         100% temporary aspermia from 4-12 months post-exposure.  
                    Full recovery by 48 months

    0.50-1          100% temporary aspermia from 3-17 months post-exposure.
                    Full recovery beginning 8-38 months

    1-2             100% temporary aspermia from 2-15 months post-exposure.
                    Full recovery beginning 11-20 months

    2-3             100% aspermia beginning at 1-2 months post-exposure.
                    No recovery observed up to 40 months

http://www.hps.org/publicinformation/ate/q1854.html

"). Reference texts (Mettler and Moseley 1985; BEIR 1990) estimate the radiation dose necessary to cause temporary sterility at about 15 rad and to cause permanent sterility from 300 to 500 rad. They also note that any reduction in sperm count might not be evident for one to two months and the higher the dose, the longer the reduction in sperm count will last.

I now kick the ball (s) [heh] over to the Medical/Radiation Geeks’ corner…

[red_dragon60]

*Originally posted by Sofa King *
**In your case, red_dragon60, I’m gonna crawl out on a limb and guess that you can use the same wheelbarrow you cart 'em around in already. **

Huh?

[Duck_Duck_Goose]

“You must have soooome big round hairy ones, that you can speak so casually of irradiating them…”

See, Sofa King’s a trifle touchy where 'nads are concerned, since he once trusted another person to handle his while he was unconscious outside a hospital, and when he woke up, his wallet wasn’t the only thing that was missing…