I’m kind of in a weird place socially. I was born on 1974, but because of my job, the “hold” that I had to place on my social life for a good decade due to hardships in my life, and late start in school, I’m essentially “grandfathered” in to the social circles of those born much later, the so-called “millenials.” I have a few friends my age, but for the most part my friends are far younger. My ex-fiancee was born in 1988, last girlfriend was born in 1992, and I’m currently seeing someone born in 1994. I know that sounds creepy, and that it looks bizarre to someone on the outside looking in, but this is the social group with which I have the most in common. I don’t have kids, don’t have a career, etc., and frankly feel completely disconnected in world-view and lifestyle from people who are over 30. (Also helps that everyone who meets me assumes I’m 25 or so, both people younger than me, and people my own age.)
That said, there are definitely a few social differences that took some getting used to, and a hell of a lot of cultural differences. These are based on my own experiences, and may not necessarily reflect everyone in this age group.
Social:
Millenials often don’t “date,” and relationships are a lot more fluid. I met my last girlfriend (Annie) and the current potential one (Alex) by being in their social circles and being friends with them. They had boyfriends at the time, broke up with them, and they seemed to just transfer over to me. Annie and I were such close friends at the time, that there was no question about our status that same day, I was now her boyfriend. She had been engaged to the last guy, yet I was the first person who ever took her out on a date. (“I always thought a ‘date’ was kind of a cheesy idea, but this is fun!”) Alex still has never had a date – we’re in that transition period where she has a boyfriend, but has made her intentions clear that she’s winding things down with him, and wants me to be next – but thinks it’s super amazing that I would want to plan a night outside of the house with her. Annie and Alex both say that their relationships have always been along the lines of “yeah, we sit around playing Xbox, then we go hit Taco Bell and go home and have sex, then he gets up to play more Xbox and I go home. He’s roommates with my ex, which is how we met.” There’s also a lot less animosity about exes in general, since invariably they still are part of the social circle. Annie is one of my best friends even now, and I am helping her ex-fiance, the guy she left for me, with school. It’s kind of refreshing, really, as one of the big issues when I was a teenager was that it was a huge problem to cross that friend/lover divide, even if it was obvious that the reason two people were friends was because they were so compatible.
The whole texting thing, and relationship to mobile devices in general. I had to get unlimited texting when I started school. I think older folks see news stories like “the average phone user texts 80 times a day” and wonder how the hell that happens, but it does, easily. I received or made over 200 texts yesterday. Between 5 or so friends, that’s only 25 texts each way, which are fairly short conversations if done in voice. Annie and I never once called each other, and Alex and I call maybe once a week. And the “insult” that older people perceive about having phones out and in-use in social situations? It’s not seen as an insult. The social dynamic is a group social dynamic (just like detailed above for relationships), and that doesn’t end just because people are no longer physically present. Everyone has their devices out and on the table, and everyone monitors texts and Facebook. I think this is why texting is so much more prevalent than calls; calls do remove you from face-to-face interaction, while texts don’t.
Nerds aren’t pariahs, at least quite as much. Well, nerds who are poor at social skills can still be, but basement-dwelling comic fans who play video games? Cool. Math geek? cool. Bad at sports? Who gives a shit. This is one of the more positive developments in younger generations IMO.
Another positive thing: de facto acceptance of gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgenders. (Transsexuals do still seem to squick a lot of them out still.) Even the hardcore Republicans and Tea Partiers – yes, they exist in abundance among the younger crowd, despite the common trope that it’s an aging, dying political stance – are cool with it. The meme in the 90s was that women would experiment with bisexuality or lesbianism when in college (“LUGs”), but now it’s normal at a younger age and not seen as experimenting. The ex-fiancee has had more female lovers than male and her best female friend is a FWB, Annie’s best female friend is a FWB, and Alex’s prior two relationships were with women. They all self-identify as straight. It’s still a bit weird for guys to experiment, though, and the divides between gay/straight/bisexual are more rigid. Transgenders aren’t automatically assumed to fall in any particular place on the Kinsey scale.
Cultural:
Fewer sharp dividing lines in pop cultural tastes, especially music. When I was a teenager in the early 90s, it was expected that you would be a huge fan of a certain genre, and primarily stick to that genre. Punk? God help you if you liked pop as well. Rap? Better not like rock. And everyone but dance club kids hated dance club music. That I had seen Michael Jackson and loved house music were shameful secrets hidden from my own “scene,” which was a local music scene that tenuously joined metal, punk, goth and industrial kids in an uneasy truce. I really don’t see that with millenials, who may dislike one or two genres, but have no problem listening to a wide range of music from a wide span of time. It’s not weird to have Broadway musicals, screamo, 80s pop, disco, rap, country, etc. on your phone.
More fluidity in fashion. Older people wonder why certain “fads” now have staying power – think the exposed bra straps under tank tops or sagging pants exposing underwear which became popular in the late 80s/early 90s and never went away – and why older fashions that may have been resurrected in the past as ironic are now worn in an unironic way. About the only thing I haven’t seen resurrected are bell bottoms (which had their last gasp in the mid-90s), but if I saw them again, it really wouldn’t come across as a retro revival. Formal wear is kind of out there, though. I went to a showing at a funeral home yesterday. My friends and younger family members were there in sundresses, t-shirts and jeans, etc. I was in a suit, and everyone was (pleasantly) shocked. Body art and dyed hair simply isn’t an issue. I’m the only non-tattooed person I know in my social circle. Green hair could stop people in their tracks in 1992, now it’s just “oh, that’s cute on you!”
Severe lack of exposure to older movies and TV shows. This one is the big area where I feel old. Black and white TVs were still common when I grew up, B&W reruns were still common when I became an adult, my favorite show is The Dick Van Dyke Show, etc. I find that few of them have any exposure to this stuff, and it’s hard for them to connect with older movies and TV shows when they are.
That said, I do find it hard to adapt in some ways. My friends think it’s amusing that I have personal memories of things they’ve read in history books, I will occasionally drop cultural or historical references that they don’t get, and I have visceral reactions to things they don’t. I can’t stand those big sunglasses everyone wears and think they’re hideous, as they remind me too much of the 1970s. Alex wears them, and when she does, I just think “ew, Gloria Vanderbilt.”