The answers to the op already having been given - ask for help and learn; try, make mistakes, take responsibility for them, and learn from them; fake it and by so doing become it; realize it’s always a work in progress for us all … so on - can I ask if posters here think in general it is taking longer than it used to?
Some of the responses seem to be having difficult with the word “adult.” Adult is frequently used by younger people as a verb.
Ok, so step one of adulting is learning to use the language correctly.
You mean the language that changes constantly, and which has been throughout history subjected to complaints by old people that it’s being used the wrong way? That one?
Adulting is one of the best words Millenials ever came up with, IMO. It contains within it all the implications that being an adult is something you do, not something you are, and that it’s a performance that none of us are particularly enthusiastic about.
I’m 64 so didn’t have the Internet to help when I turned 18.
It’s a pretty good source of information.
Instead I found most answers by:
- having a plan (I wanted to own a house and have a good pension to retire on)
- asking (my building society paid decent interest so I saved for years to get my house deposit; the companies I chose to work for all had excellent pension plans)
- analysing (credit card interest is very high, so I always paid my card off in full)
- being lucky (I live in England so all my doctor / dentist / optician bills are covered through taxation)
Good luck to you.
That link reminded me that successful adulting is a matter of both learning specific “how-to” skills (finding a place to live, buying insurance, etc.) and of developing more basic character traits (impulse control, being responsible, being organized).
It’s true that the internet makes adulting easier in some key ways (see: SOS website), but as Allie Brosh points out, it also makes it a lot harder to resist those childish impulses.
We’re now in a situation, thanks to the net, where it’s possible to procrastinate on something you actually want to do (as I am now… it’s my day off, and I want to play a video game, and I keep posting here instead.)
One of the advantages of getting old is being able to take offense at “kids these days,” and they way they talk (and dress). [Don’t get me started on “short” pants that go below the knee.]
Sigh, I know. I’ve already reached the ‘‘that music is too loud!’’ phase of life. It’s inevitable.
The best thing for me was to talk with folk older than you whom you respect, and who’ve experienced/achieved what you wish to.
If your parents can’t serve that function, find some folk in your social circle who have already experienced what you wish to. For me, it was a group of guys I golf with. When I was 30, with young kids, and relatively new to parenting/“adulting”, guys who were 10 years older were a font of information. Also, they don’t tell you what you “ought to do”, but instead, share their experiences, their mistakes, and lessons they’ve learned.
I’m now in my 50s, and still golf with the same guys. Now I ask them about retirement, investments, dealing with adult children and grandchildren… And I do my best to pass my experiences on to the younger guys who have joined our group.
If you don’t have any in-person social group, well, I heard folk on the internet may be willing to express an opinion or two…
I remember thinking as a teenager I couldn’t wait to grow up so I wouldn’t have to deal with the petty bullshit that is typically associated with teenaged relationships.
Boy was I fucking naive.
The difference now is we don’t have to spend time with assholes if we don’t feel like it. You start to care less about impressing others and doing what’s socially popular, and more about living life on your own terms.
Ah. This explains a lot about all of your other threads about the futility of life.
First of all, hey, best of luck. We’re all trying to figure this stuff out. Second, the guidance of other posters is sound. Seek out folks with experience and ask them. It is hard but do it anyway, okay?
You learn as you go along.
I’m in my late 30s. I’m trying to learn how to sell a car (how to transfer a title) as well as how to apply for a mortgage because I’ve never done them before.
I made a post a few days ago asking for advice on how to find a doctor who will listen while I explain that I have an anxiety disorder.
A lot of it you just learn because you have to, or because not doing it is unpleasant. I’d like to stay up until 2am watching TV, but if I do I’ll be exhausted. So I go to bed around 11.
There was a survey asking people ‘when do you become an adult’. The most common answers were things like
Financially independent
Own a home
Married
Have Children
Basically most people define being an adult via behaviors that signify responsibility and procreation.
I’m 1 for 4 on that list (2 for 4 if I buy a condo). But I consider myself fairly adult. I think a big part of being an adult is self awareness. Learning who you truly are and realizing there are parts of you that do not mesh with the larger society you are from, and being ok with that.
Also being willing to admit you are wrong, being willing to listen to ideas you do not agree with, etc. are important to being an adult. I’ve met some adults who have been parents and financially independent for decades who mentally and emotionally are still children.
I heard one time that sociologists used to consider a “big 5”, which also included (IIRC) completing college/education/training. And I think maintaining own resident might have substituted for owning a home. Not being judgmental, just assessing where people were by age 25 or 30. Used to be a significant portion of young people had accomplished most/all of the big 5 by those ages. But the metric was now of little use, as vanishingly small percentages of young adults hit those milestones.
Maybe it shows a change in values, or economic factors. I think part of the context of the report I heard was increasing numbers of young adults living with their parents. As I recall, the report said that young men were especially low in these accomplishments. It said that young women were at least THINKING about such things, and had some ideas/plans/schedule for accomplishing most of them.
Pretty sure I hit all 5 when 27.
You’ve become an adult when you buy your first vacuum cleaner.
I learned to adult like everyone else. Through a combination of following advice obtained from trusted others and trial and error.
My twenties were stressful because of all the errors I made. But I kind of feel like I had to make them in order to learn. Making mistakes also desensitizes you to the fear of taking risks. Yes, the first few times you make an important phone call (making an appointment with a insurance agent, making a doctor’s appointment, asking for information about social security benefits, calling a landlord about a rental), you’ll sound like a complete idiot because you’ll expose all the things you don’t know… But sounding like a compete idiot isn’t the worse thing that can happen to you. Being dependent on your parents for the rest of your life because you’re afraid to make mistakes…this is the worst thing that can happen to you. The farther you can get from that, the more “adult” you are.