How to be a Liberal

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

To be a liberal today, you have to believe:

That the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of funding rather then a lack of
morality.

That trial lawyers are selfless heroes, but doctors are overpaid.

That global temperatures are affected more by Yuppies driving SUVs than by
cyclical, documented changes in the brilliance of the sun.

That guns in the hands of the law abiding Americans are more of a threat
than nuclear weapons in the hands of the Red Chinese.

That businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

That self-esteem is more important than doing anything to earn it.

That there was no art before federal funding.

That the NRA is bad, because it stands up for certain parts of the
constitution, but the ACLU is good, because it stands up for certain parts
of the Constitution.
That taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

That the most troubling thing you can find in a public school is a child
praying.

That standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas aren’t.

That any change in the weather is proof of global warming. That national
wealth is determined by what we consume, not by what we produce.

That the only wars in which America should become involved, are those in
which our national security is not at risk.

That perjury and obstruction of justice are impeachable if a Republican,
like Richard Nixon, commits them, but harmless, private matters if a
Democrat like Bill Clinton commits them.

That we can have a strong military without spending money on it.

That the way to improve public schools is to give more money and power to
people who have misused it in the past.

That a mother can be trusted to decide whether to terminate the life of her
baby, but cannot be trusted to choose her child’s school.

That hunters and fishermen don’t care about nature, but pasty-faced
activists, who rarely leave the Upper West Side of Manhattan, do.

That a bureaucrat living in Washington can make better decisions about how
to spend your money than you can.

That Hillary Clinton is a wonderful example for young women of feminist
independence, even though almost everything she’s gotten in life is a result
of her marriage to Bill Clinton.

That being a movie star makes you qualified to speak out on public policy.

That a handful of religious wackos, living in rural Texas, are more of a
threat to public safety than terrorists who plant bombs in major cities.

That cigarette and liquor advertising must be banned because it causes kids
to smoke and drink, but we don’t need to worry about adultery, promiscuity,
and violence in television programming because kids aren’t affect by what
happens between the commercials.

This has been a public service announcement. Now you know…and knowing is half the battle

Roots&Radicals,
-ldiot8oy
JerkWaterJive
…Ska and Punk never tasted so good together!

2

Um…I’m a liberal and damn proud of it, and also a bit offended at that list. MPSIMS is more of a mundane board, Great Debates is the political/relgious board. I’d apprechiate it if you could restrict posting political discussions on this board, where they are more likely to spark an all-out debate, and post them where they belong, instead.

3

Well, now, Idiotboy…

You screwed up your first try at the SDMB.

You tried again, with promises that you would be a productive member of the SDMB, and you were welcomed back with open arms.

Now, on only your second day back on the board, you post something that shows two things about you:

  1. You don’t know what forum to post in.

  2. You are ignorant.

Point one is somewhat forgivable. You are new. But new members really ought to lurk a while before starting provocative new threads. Especially if they have already been censured. (In the interest of full disclosure, let me say that I am new here myself.)

Point two is less forgivable.

Moderator, I propose that we move this to the Pit–at your discretion, of course. Thank you.

4

I believe in making individual decisions on issues, but otherwise I echo everything SwimmingRiddles just said. Once this gets moved to GD I will happily address some of the more outrageous mischaracterizations in the idiotboy’s post.

5

I guess this proves once again that Conservatism makes perfect sense…if you’re a self-proclaimed idiot. Mega Dittos.

6

I am a conservative, and generally have no love lost for the liberal philosophy (although my affection for SwimmingRiddles remains undiminished! :slight_smile: ). And I find it unfortunate that the valid conservative viewpoint is diluted by such appeals to fallacy as posted above.

I am not persuaded, for example, that prayer in school would be a terrible thing. But I don’t believe that opponents thereof think that a child praying is “the most dangerous thing” in school. It is perfectly possible to oppose prayer in school while recognizing that there are many greater dangers in school. One may even take the position that prayer in school is inappproriate, but not dangerous.

This is a straw-man argument: you represent the liberal platorm as absurd, invitng the reader to the obvious conclusion that liberals are absurd.

As it happens, I think the liberal philosophy on a great many points is misguided. But on each of those points, I suggest there is value in debating the merits, not kicking a strawman.

  • Rick
7

I think you people are over-reacting a bit (ain’t that just like a liberal?). It’s my opinion that this was posted here as more of a joke than an attempt to start a debate. Especially since I received a list very similar to this in my e-mail a couple weeks ago. Lighten up and post stupid rules about us conservatives. This could be a fun topic.

8

I’m with UncleBeer. I’m not a bleeding heart liberal, but I do tend to swing to that side on many topics. I thought the original post was quite funny - it really does poke fun at a lot of the issues that some liberals make huge causes out of. Lighten up, people. If you can’t handle people making jokes about your politics, you’re going to have a looooong & frustrating life.

9

I get enough of this inanity in my e-mailbox every day. What was the purpose of posting it here? What next - posting a “SEND THIS TO 20 PEOPLE IN THE NEXT 5 MINUTES AND YOU’LL HAVE SEX WITH ANYONE YOU WANT IT REALLY WORKS!!!”

Please.

IdiotBoy, you have lots of learnin’ to do. Now you’ve gotten off on the wrong foot twice.

Esprix

Ask the Gay Guy!

10

What an apt handle you have, Idiotboy.

11

To be a liberal today, you have to believe:

That the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of funding rather then a lack of
morality.

Apparently, conservatives believe the best way to treat a disease is moralization and segregation of its victims, rather than scientific research.

That trial lawyers are selfless heroes, but doctors are overpaid.

Having dealt with both groups extensively, I find that they’re both greedy jerks. However, they both serve necessary functions in our society.

That global temperatures are affected more by Yuppies driving SUVs than by
cyclical, documented changes in the brilliance of the sun.

Yes, by god, we should encourage Yuppies to be as wasteful and irresponsible as they possibly can!

That guns in the hands of the law abiding Americans are more of a threat
than nuclear weapons in the hands of the Red Chinese.

Why don’t we compare the number of children killed in the past year by legally owned guns to the number of people killed by Chinese nuclear weapons.
That businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

You obviously never worked for my boss. I don’t see how “prosperity” is the opposite of “oppresion”. Singapore is a pretty wealthy society, but its also pretty oppressive there. Also, the aim of a buisness is to create prosperity for its owners. It pursues a private interest. Sometimes, the interests of the few are in conflict with the interests of society at large. How do we address that?

That self-esteem is more important than doing anything to earn it.

You seem to have plenty o’ self-esteem on the board here, and have done little to earn it.

That there was no art before federal funding.

Real Art is bland and inoffensive. If it makes me feel an emotion, it must not be Art.

That the NRA is bad, because it stands up for certain parts of the
constitution, but the ACLU is good, because it stands up for certain parts
of the Constitution.

**In my experience, the ACLU has stood up for all the Constitution, rather than just the 2d amendment. I willing to bet that most NRA members don’t support interpreting the rest of the bill of rights as liberally as they do the 2d amendment. **

That taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

Both too high

That the most troubling thing you can find in a public school is a child
praying.

What conservatives want is for the government to be able to force your children to pray a government approved prayer to a government approved god. NEWSFLASH! It’s perfectly legal for individuals to pray in school! Forced or school funded religious activity is illegal.

That standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas aren’t.

That any change in the weather is proof of global warming. That national
wealth is determined by what we consume, not by what we produce.

That the only wars in which America should become involved, are those in
which our national security is not at risk.

That perjury and obstruction of justice are impeachable if a Republican,
like Richard Nixon, commits them, but harmless, private matters if a
Democrat like Bill Clinton commits them.

A conservative says conspiring to fund a foreign military group over the express prohibition of Congress is OK if Ronnie Reagan does it.

That we can have a strong military without spending money on it.

That the way to improve public schools is to give more money and power to
people who have misused it in the past.

No, the way to improve public schools is to force children to pray, and spend more precious classroom hours on “moral education” rather than reading, math or science.

That a mother can be trusted to decide whether to terminate the life of her
baby, but cannot be trusted to choose her child’s school.
That hunters and fishermen don’t care about nature, but pasty-faced
activists, who rarely leave the Upper West Side of Manhattan, do.

That a bureaucrat living in Washington can make better decisions about how
to spend your money than you can.

That Hillary Clinton is a wonderful example for young women of feminist
independence, even though almost everything she’s gotten in life is a result
of her marriage to Bill Clinton.

That being a movie star makes you qualified to speak out on public policy.

Like President Ronnie? Or Arnold Schwarzenegger?

That a handful of religious wackos, living in rural Texas, are more of a
threat to public safety than terrorists who plant bombs in major cities.

Does the name Timothy McVeigh mean anything to you?

That cigarette and liquor advertising must be banned because it causes kids
to smoke and drink, but we don’t need to worry about adultery, promiscuity,
and violence in television programming because kids aren’t affect by what
happens between the commercials.

** What are you saying here, that we should censor TV or that we shouldn’t?**

What a bunch of horseshit and mindless platitudes. I don’t mind discussing policy with a conservative who has well-thought out ideas. But this crap is just inaccurate mudslinging.

Plunging like stones from a slingshot on Mars.

12

Oh, fer cryin’ out loud people. Relax a bit. This is most certainly not the first piece of e-mail posted here. Get over it already. You are completely free to ignore this thread now that you’ve read it and decided you don’t like it. Jesus Christ.

13

Sorry, Uncle. A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.
Where Frank left off:
That standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas aren’t.
White Conservatives believe that because they have power and money, that they are the only ones who SHOULD have power and money. Any minority who is in a position to get either power or money must have gotten there because of Affirmative Action.

That any change in the weather is proof of global warming.
Who really needs polar ice caps, anyway?

That national wealth is determined by what we consume, not by what we produce.
But not by the GNP?

That the only wars in which America should become involved, are those in which our national security is not at risk.
Conservatives believe that we have to do SOMETHING with all of our billion dollar war machines, why not police the world with them? The money couldn’t be spent any better, anyway.

That we can have a strong military without spending money on it.
** A strong military to…fight wars which have nothing to do with national security? (see above**

That a mother can be trusted to decide whether to terminate the life of her baby, but cannot be trusted to choose her child’s school.
** What baby? She terminated its life, right?**

That a bureaucrat living in Washington can make better decisions about how to spend your money than you can.
Ever watch QVC?

That Hillary Clinton is a wonderful example for young women of feminist independence, even though almost everything she’s gotten in life is a result of her marriage to Bill Clinton.
** Yea, like her law degree, the sucessful book she wrote on children, and her history of platforms on universal health care and child well-being. Barbara Bush was a much better First Lady. She wrote a book about her dog.**

14

Lord knows that’s true.

Jodi a/k/a “Selfless Hero”

15

I see you folks are determined to make a debate, albeit an acrimonius debate, otu of this yet. Carry on. I’m finished with this thread.

16

Vestal sticks his head in the room…

Mmmmmmhmmmmmm…Alrighty then!

leaves, closing door quietly behind him…

VB

Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well.

17

A quick list of what conservatives “must believe” (if you are an idiotboy, idiotgirl, idiotman, or idiotwoman):

That having less government means worying about what people do with their private parts.

That theocracy didn’t work in Iran but it will work great here.

That the way to encourage capital improvements is by encouraging people to sell their outdated equipment.

That overpaying by a factor of four is okay as long as we’re buying it for the military.

That campaign finance reform that limits unions is okay (because that mostly helps Democrats) but not okay if it limits soft money because that mostly helps us.

That that whole part that Jesus said about not praying in public to avoid showing off doesn’t mean not to pray in schools.

That it’s okay to cheat on your second wife as long as you plan on divorcing her.

That we should love America and respect her leaders, unless they’re liberals or Democrats.

That while Hollywood types aren’t qualified, retired athletes make great politicians.

That they’re not the Pharisees and the King’s Government.

Bucky

18

ok, sorry…tried to add a little humor to everyone’s day…I guess I’ll just stop right now…again, I didn’t mean to offend anyone…

:: sigh ::

I just can’t seem to do anything right…

19

I’m just wondering how anyone who deson’t agree would find it funny? Do you imagine that conservatives would find my version “a delightful parody filled with delicious bon mots. I must engage this Bucky fellow in some witty badanage!”

It’s a knee jerk reaction of how non-liberals view liberals, and not a very clever one at that? Can I blather on about hippie chicks and wetbacks and how we should kill all the lawyers and then say–“it was a joke”?

Some better (and I think funnier) slams on liberals might include believing that:
Freedom of speech is absolute, unless it offends someone.

Men viewing women as purley sexual is oppression; women marketing themselves as purely sexual is empowering.

The government shuld stay out of people’s homes, unless you want to home school your kid.

Not exactly Vegas material, but less hate-filled and a little more creative.

(Maybe re-posting something you got in the email is a generally bad idea?)

Bucky

Oh, well. We can always make more killbots.

20

Iaccept idiotboy’s explanation that this was an innocent attempt at humor. But, as others noted, it would be better to have this in Great Debates, as I join some of the others who sincerely see this sort of stuff as roll-your-eyes ham-fisted sludge, which follows the Rush Limbaugh ideal of “humor” consisting of ridiculing and distorting the beliefs–and loyalties–of their political opponents. (If you want an example of what I consider fair and funny political humor–a majority of it conservative–I’d recommend the Imus in the Morning Show.)

But here’s a joke which I think meets MPSIMS standards: How do you tell a conservative from a liberal? A conservative, when seeing a person drowning 100 meters from the dock, thows in a life line 50 meters long, and says “swim the rest of the way–it’ll be good for your character”. In contrast, a liberal throws in a line 200 meters long, then lets go of the end, and walks away looking for more good deeds to do.