My fiancee is starting her MSW (Masters of Social Work) the same time as we are getting married and taking the tenants of her mom’s property to court. Suffice to say it is particularly stressful for her. There are a lot of well-educated Dopers here, many of which I am sure got married under similar circumstances.
I got a BA in English but that was some time ago. My fiancee feels that because of my major, I am some great writer (I’m not ) However I do read/process material quickly. She is extremely bright but has dyslexia and it takes her a long time to read through material.
Presently I am helping her with her reading. I want to be able to support her without blatantly doing the work for her. But I’m sure there are plenty of people out there who had to help support their SO with their degree. So aside from working a lot lot of overtime, what kind of things did you find (through experience) helped support your SO through their degree?
I am very proud of my fiancee and honestly think she is the smarter of the two of us because her wisdom is rooted in much more practical areas than mine. I want nothing more than to be there for her to get her MSW but I don’t want her to have a mental breakdown in the process! How can I help her?
If her dyslexia is documented and she wants to go this route, universities generally have a “disabilities” support office. I’m just thinking in terms of her being able to perhaps get audio recordings of her textbooks as well as the written copies.
Along that line, you could consider reading her assignments out loud to her. I personally wouldn’t write anything for her, but you could help in terms of editing or critiquing.
I supported my wife, literally supported her financially, while she was getting her MSW. That was how I supported her. Her actual academic work, she had to do on her own. I sometimes proofread papers for her, or made little suggestions, but that was the extent of it.
Your SO is going to have to do her own reading if she becomes a professional in the field, and that has to start now. I would suggest looking into some kind of therapy for her dyslexia rather than doing the reading for her. There are various types, and I don’t what would help her specifically, but there are techniques and therapies designed to train people to be able to read for themselves.
She needs to learn to do this stuff independently, though. You wouldn’t be helping her if you did any of it for her.
My instinct, as someone with a failed Master’s degree, and a successful one, and no significant other during either time of trial . . .
Focus on the externals. Not just Financial support, but stuff like scheduling other activities around her due dates. Pamper her a little when stressed, be prepared to do more cooking and cleaning than you otherwise might . . .
that sort of stuff.
I see nothing wrong with you reading at least some of her assigned readings and discussing them with her–assuming they aren’t too heavily technical.
But I’m not sure you reading instead of her is helpful. Although, maybe you could read some of it aloud . . .
But mostly, treat her endeavors with respect, encourage other people to be supportive, do some handholding and provide some encouragement to just plunge in and write (or whatever other task she needs help not procrastinating on).
All good advice. Its easier to help her the way I am now than deal with last-minute wedding stuff (particularly since the vendors only speak spanish).
After the wedding and the move though I think I will try to help her with the peripheral aspects. She is really confident she will know what she needs/wants to do (CPS for the county, probably getting her LCSW somewhere along the line too).
Right now she simply does not have time to juggle both the material for her MSW and last-minute details for getting married in less than a week. I’m trying to help her any way I can. I understand she’s going to need to know this stuff herself and all.
When I was in grad school and a fairly newly-wed, my husband supported me by paying the bills (so I didn’t have to work as well, and could take part-time jobs in my field instead of full-time jobs doing something else) and by doing the dishes when I was stressed out and taking me across the street to El Pollo Loco for dinner when I was too tired to do anything else.
(The way we did it was, we got married when he still had 1.5 years to go for his BA. I worked and he did work-study. When he graduated, he applied to jobs in San Jose (and not Marin County, so he did give up a couple of possibilities) so I could go to the university there; it’s the only one in CA with my program. This was at the height of the .com boom of the late 90’s. As we moved out in 2000, you could hear the bubble pop.)
PS librarian tip: in grad school, your soon-to-be-wife will need to do research in various databases. She may find it helpful to use Wilson Web when possible; you can listen to the articles aloud in that one if you want.
) However I do read/process material quickly. She is extremely bright but has dyslexia and it takes her a long time to read through material.