How to be the kind of customer that cashiers hate

The BBQ Pit
41

I’ve worked retail for a year and a half, and I want out sooo bad. I think everyone should be required to cashier for six months of their life, just so they know why I can’t just open the register to give them change for a hundred. (Um hello? Entry-level cashiers cannot do ANYTHING except a normal transaction and usually a return. They cannot break the rules for you, and they cannot open the till.)

Just tonight I snapped at a customer – very rare for me. Three guys, all laughing and chatting, taking about fifteen minutes to grow up enough to order in a haphazard pattern … I’m not sure I got the order right, so I start repeating it back to them, and as I’m talking one of the guys is shoving a twenty at me, going “Here, here, here”.

So I give him a basilisk glare and say loudly “Could you not wave that in my face?” Mentally I added “I’m not a motherfucking stripper and you ain’t putting that shit in my panties, assmonkey, so get it the fuck out of my face until I finish ringing you up!” That shut him up so I could finish repeating the order … and despite the fact that I had his full attention when I told him what he had ordered, I saw later that he’d ordered the wrong drink anyways.

And yes, I hate customers who can’t come to grips with the fact that making their drink takes time. Sir or madam (and I use the terms loosely), if you expect your drink to spring like Athena fully formed from Zeus’s forehead, buy something from fucking Ralph’s!

42

Reading through today’s additions brought back my too-early-in-the-morning-$100-bill experience…

It’s 6:00 am on a Sunday. Most of America is still drooling into their pillows before church. I have rung up two cups of coffee, meaning I have about $2.08 above the $25 starting total for the drawer.

Not much cash, in other words.

A woman comes in to buy a pack of cigarettes and a dollar scratchoff lottery ticket.

And then whips out the $100.

I say, “do you have any other currency with you at the moment?” Politely, I might add here.

The response is not “no, all I have is this.” It is a fired-up, frenzied “no, this is all I have and you’re GOING to ring me up and take this because you have to!”

(At this point I now have the John Belushi eyebrow-cock going on.)

I explain that right now, with no manager in the store until 8:00 or 9:00, literally ALL the extra money I have access to is change…about $80 worth, in fact. I even go so far as to pull my drawer OUT of the register to illustrate that I have slightly more than $27 in the drawer, $18 of which is unopened change rolls.

When she decides to insult me and the store for being SO UNPREPARED for a large bill, I remind her that…it’s Sunday morning. Early Sunday morning.

She insists on making the purchase. I hand over $96, mostly in change. “Never coming back to this shithole” spiel here, and trying to slam a hydraulic door behind her on the way out.

Two minutes later, her husband comes in. BIG husband.

Amazingly, NOT shitty, as I’d expected. Comes up to the counter and asks, “were you the cashier that rang up my wife for a pack of cigarettes and a lottery ticket and gave her a bunch of change?”

I say yes. When he asks why, I explain again that it’s early Sunday morning, that I’ve rung up a total of three people and that I have no other funds available, adding that his wife now has ALL my available money since I’ve dropped the $100 in the safe (security precaution, ground in from day one).

He apologizes for the inconvenience, and thanks me for my time, with no trace of sarcasm or bile. He steps outside, climbs into the driver’s side of the car at the far end of the lot and drives off, with some red-faced demon in the passenger side, apparently screaming insults at the top of her lungs.

I really hope that his divorce went smoothly.

43

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What makes you think we fuckin’ want 'em?! :wink:

“Fuckin’ Ralphs” is right, but that’s another pit rant…

44

If you are old and retired, or an at-home parent, stay the hell away from ANY shops during lunch hour! I’ve got a limited amount of time on my lunch break to get to the shops and get stuff, I don’t want to spend the entire time trying to get around pin-headed pram pushers and doddering casket dodgers! Shop all you like between 8:00 - 11:30 and 14:00 - 18:00, just get out of my way during lunch!

45

Oh, and on the flipside of that, if you’re old and retired or an at-home parent, please don’t come out to the store during the lunch hours and then act totally surprised when all the employees are too busy running around helping dozens of customers to hold your hand while you shop.

46

Heh … I only chose Ralph’s because that’s the grocery store next to the Starbucks I’m at his summer. At my real store, my suggestion is to get something from “fucking Albertons!” or possibly “fucking Del Taco!” :smiley:

But really … who names a grocery store after vomit?

47

This seems to be the right space for me to testify about the greatest damned cashier who ever lived. Every time I shop at the Whole Foods market, I look to buy my stuff from him. I can’t remember his name, but the guy makes me leave with a smile on my face every time. For starters, he remembers me. He looks me in the eye and asks how I am doing. And then he waits for my reply. If I say I’m doing great, he says “That’s wonderful!” and acts genuinely pleased that I am doing well. Once I said that I was having a lousy day, he told me that he hoped it would get better.

I’ve listened to him compliment people on their clothing, their food choices, the attractiveness of their children.

And he’s quick too. He always says good bye and to PLEASE come back (Sometimes he just tells me to “be at peace, my brother.”). And damn if I don’t think he means it.

He makes something so routine into a genuinely joyful experience.

Nearest I can figure, he is completely sincere.

I like that guy.

48

Cool guy.

I usually chat with people. I’ll tease them-if they’re buying pillows, I’ll say, “Oh, here, if you dont’ mind, I’ll just keep one here in case I need it!”

Or if they’re buying a lot of pet food, I’ll ask them about their pets.

When there are screaming children, I usually say, “Yeah, I feel like that when I’m here too.”

They like that!

49

Wow, I had no idea my kids and I were supposed to shop at certain times in order to accomodate such important people like you. Guess my poor little pin-headed self forgot to read the stay-at-home parent rule book. :rolleyes:

Sheri

50

If the rain check says “good for 30 days” I will not accept one dated 7-5-01. Not yesterday, not tomorrow, not today and no amount of kvetching will make me. I don’t care if you were out of town, its good at any of our stores across the US. And no, the ones from 8-12-01 and 2-4-02 are also no longer valid. Yup, that’s why I threw them away.

Coupons are similar. They are really only good for what is written on them, before the date on the top of them, for the amount listed.

Oh, and I hate to sound biased, but I really prefer buisness transactions in English. Or an attempt at English. I don’t know any Russian. Not a smidge. Screaming at me in Yiddish will not make you tax exempt. I swear.

51

Oh, and I really appreciated the ethnic slurs at my Quebecois countermate when your attempt to cheat him failed, you bitch. Did you notice that my anglo ass proceeded to serve you in fluent French?

52

THANK YOU!!!

On a similar note…the fact that you are wearing a pastel suit and a power tie and have a cell phone on one hip and your Palm on the other does not make your purchase of a six-pack of Diet Coke and a personal salad any more important than my bag of diapers and pint of hummus. Unless you getting those 100 calories into your body is more important in the overall scheme of things than me getting those five pounds of shit off of my son’s ass, which I rather doubt.

“I’ve got a limited amount of time on my lunch break to get to the shops and get stuff, I don’t want to spend the entire time trying to get around pin-headed pram pushers and doddering casket dodgers!”

I have a limited amount of patience and I don’t want to spend all of it keeping myself from ripping off your self-important head and shitting down your egomaniacal neck.

53

That’s just about the rudest thing I have heard. May I remind you that your mother probably took you to the grocery store when you were a child, and that you will be shopping for food when you’re a ‘doddering casket dodger’?

54

As long as we’re picking on self-important business people…

Don’t come in my store one hour before you need something, at lunch time when we’re busy as Hell, and get mad at ME for not being able to drop everything and do an order for you that normally takes several days to complete, just because YOU couldn’t get your act together and waited until the last possible minute. Your irresponsibility is not MY problem, and you are not the only customer in the store. Like it or not, I give everyone in the store equal service according to however many people I’m trying to serve at once at the time. If you cannot handle this, then find a better time to shop than your lunch break.

And if you pull out your cellphone and start talking on it and ignoring me, I am NOT going to stand there waiting Dog knows how long for you to finish. I have stuff to do too, and if you don’t end it within a couple of minutes I’m going to walk off and you can come find me or get one of the regular floor employees when you’re done. Do not ask to speak with the framer and pull me away from what I was doing just to waste my time.

And you can bet I’m not going to do you any special favours if you come up demanding immediate service or weilding an attitude with me. I have enough nice, patient customers paying my salary that I don’t have to kiss your polyester suited ass.

This also goes for people who waited until they were on the way to a party to buy a birthday/Giftmas/wedding/whatever gift, and everyone else who thinks whatever they dragged in for me to frame is somehow more important than the items belonging to the customers that brought their stuff in in a timely manner and have already been waiting several days. And when I tell you that we have to order custom frame mouldings, that I cannot, in fact, pull them out of my ass at will, do not stand there and bitch at me because of something I have absolutely zero control over. Again, it’s not my problem that you waited until the last minute, and being rude to me and condescending is not going to make me want to help you more.

55

hamadryad:"my bag of diapers and pint of hummus"

ifi i were buying only those two items, i’d be a bit disturbed, visualizing the latter inside the former.

56

Well, I always try to be pleasant and patient when I’m in a shop, and that attitude is usually returned to me. I don’t uinderstand people who are rude and impatient–are they due in the operating room in 5 minutes? Life is too short to live your life spewing spite and bile at underpaid, overworked, minimum wagers. Wating on the general public is unpleasant work, and it’s not like the clerks get to hang out on the SDMB or play Freecell when their workload slackens. I have noticed that the less one gets paid, the working conditions also worsen. If I get to the offic elate, nobody cares as long as my work gets done. If a shopclerk is late by even a few minutes, he or she can be docked pay, repimanded, or even dismissed.

Jinwicked, you are an idiot. 40-year-old guys are in the prime of life, they have more life experience and sophistication (usually) and are much better in the sack than your pimply and inexperienced coevals.

And Jinwicked and Kferr’s attitude toward older people and parents sucks rancid monkey shit. Many older people are alone and impaired and could use the help. Parents with children have a hell of a time as well, and the attitude of rude little snips like yourselves does not help matters.

57

If a stay-at-home mom or a retired person can shop anytime of the day, why would they even want to be shopping during the busiest times (obligatory codicil that of course people have to make last-minute purchases)? I agree that everybody has equal access to shopping at all times, but isn’t it common courtesy that the people that have 16 hours to do their shopping in could maybe go at non-peak times, as opposed to the people who have half an hour to do their shopping in? This is another one of those situations like ordering food just before a restaurant closes, or driving the speed limit in the passing lane. Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should.

58

Fuck you, what the hell are you talking about? I am one of the most patient and understanding people on the planet. A lot of our customers DO require extra help, and I am perfectly willing to walk around the store with them and assist them, but IF they need that kind of assistance they should at least try to come to the store when I am able to give it to them. If I’ve got ten people yanking on my shirt collar wanting to ask me questions, I can’t wander around the store at the same time listening to a nice old blue-haired grandma tell me about her grandkids.

I was NOT agreeing with kferr’s post, I was only saying that there are some people, even able-bodied non-impaired people in any way who seem to just want me to hold their hand and walk around the store with them and confirm every decision they make of what to purchase, and you shouldn’t act surprised if you come to the store during the lunch hour, when just about ANY store is going to be busy, and expect to get that level of personal attention. Because I DO have people come in and get their panties in a wad that there are “only” five employees in an extremely tiny store.

As for the hurry hurry hurry business people, well, I don’t treat them with any extra-special courtesy different from the elderly and the stay at home moms or WHOEVER is in my store at the time. And they seem to have a PROBLEM with the fact that I’m not giving them preferential treatment just because they waited until the last minute and Have To Be Somewhere Important. And if anyone has a problem with that attitude, they can cram it sideways up their ass with walnuts for all I care, because I am going to finish what I’m doing with whichever customer was there first and that’s the end of it.

I have no idea what your fucking comment about 40 y.o.s being “better in the sack” than my inexperienced “coevals” are. I don’t tolerate some fucking 15 y.o. kid hitting on me, I don’t tolerate some fucking 22 y.o. hitting on me, and I don’t tolerate some fucking 40 y.o. asshole hitting on me. Their abilities in bed [or lack thereof] have little bearing on the fact that they’re making unwanted and uninvited advances on me and I’m not going to sit there and giggle and act flattered, or whatever the fuck you think I should do.

Don’t you dare imply I have some problem with elderly people and parents or deliberately misconstrue what I said like that ever again.

59

Re the getting hit on:
You wrote

Sounds pretty clear it’s the age you have a problem with. I’m glad you clarified your post, but you should be clearer next time exactly what you are objecting to.

Again, you wrote:

You have no basis for indignation, sister. I’m glad you say you don’t really have aproblem with old people. Be clearer in your posts next time.

60

Let me clarify a bit further since I’m no longer raving mad. In my experience, it has been the men in this late 30s-early 50s age group who do the majority of asking me inappropriate questions for a professional environment, which is why I happened to say 40. The age IS slightly disturbing, maybe moreso since I just came from the thread about the older man being attracted to teenage Britney Spears fans and having to take a taxi cab home to get away from them. I am not dressing provocatively or doing anything to warrant this. My work clothes are non-revealing, sightly baggy, and I tend to look like a 16-17 y.o. at a summer job sometimes, and in my mind there’s just something inherantly wrong with a man of that age asking questions about my personal life and whether or not I am seeing someone when it’s not even obvious I am of a legal age. I talk to a lot of people, and most of my customers are polite and respectful, which just makes these creeps stand out even more for what they are. This is NOT small talk; I’ve not seen a middle-aged man asking one of the guys at our store if he had a girlfriend, or what he was doing after work, and women don’t ask me those kinds of questions either. It’s obvious they’re hitting on me, it’s inappropriate, disrespectful, and I have no patience for it. I do not think sophisticated 40 y.o. men typically run around trying to proposition teenagers. Perhaps I have an easier time ignoring/dimissing when someone closer to my age (or younger) does it, because I expect that by the time someone is 40 they would have learned to behave themselves better in public than that. As a business person it’s not in my best interest to have an irrational bias against anyone of any age, because these are all customers… the bias only comes in when such a person establishes themself to be an unprofessional creep, and unfortunately, for whatever reason, I am much more bothered by a man twice my age trying to get me to meet him for coffee than someone closer to my own age. Whether or not I’m wrong in that feeling is I guess something that would have to be decided by society.

Sorry, I was using the words of the post just above mine when I wrote that. Though elderly people often do need extra assistance above and beyond what’s typical, and alot of people bringing in their children require more time to serve than someone who isn’t trying to shop and watch a kid/kids at the same time. We do have customers, sometimes they’re in one of these two groups, sometimes they’re not (a lot of time they are), who practically want us to hold their hands while they shop. Either they need help, or they don’t know what they want, or whatever… I am totally cool with that, the only gripe I have, and the point of what I wrote, is that these people come in during the lunch hour and want/need this one-on-one personal attention, then they get all pissed/bitchy/whatever when there are so many people in the store I just can’t follow them around. I apologize to anyone who read that the wrong way.

Where I work, it is common for me to spend an hour or more speaking with one customer, and it is frustrating to me for individuals who become impatient when we’re too busy to offer that level of service. If you know you need extra help, it would be wise to come into the store at a non-peak time so that the employees are best equipped to serve you properly. I ask anyone that wants to talk to me personally to try to make an appointment or let me know what time to expect them, and I usually tell them to come in the morning within a couple of hours after we open, since that’s when business is the slowest.

Rest assured that I have no problem with elderly people, in fact many of my regular customers have been over 60, and I generally enjoy working with them more to begin with as they tend to be more relaxed, polite and have better stories than a lot of my other customers. They also bring me more interesting things to frame, since I happen to like antiques, vintage photographs and stuff like that.

Sorry about the misunderstanding.