…with a squirt gun, that is. Monday morning is the start of the DC CouchSurfer’s “Water Gun Assassination Game”. All the participants provided a photo, home address, work address, full name, and phone number. I’ll receive an email with these details and it’s on me to figure out how to complete the job. Of course, someone else will be getting my profile as well, so I have to check my own six for the whole week, too. So…
How should I go about taking down my target?
How should I protect myself from would-be assassins?
I was thinking that I could show up at his house at about 8:00 pm. Thing is, he might not open the door, so I’d need some plausible reason to get him to expose himself. I could always camp out for a few hours and wait, but that doesn’t guarantee a payoff and I’ve got better things to do. I can get him at work, where his time and location is predictable, but I don’t know what kind of security they’ll have there. I might be breaking some laws trying to get in. Lastly, I can always get him on the morning commute, like on the train, but what if he drives? And what if a metro cop decides to flip out on me?
My workplace is pretty secure, I think, as is my apartment building. People do slip in, however, so I think I should have some sort of escape plan ready in case an innocent coworker points my killer to my desk. The place I’m most vulnerable is my commute. I’m totally exposed in a crowd full of strangers and I have no idea who’s hunting me. Luckily, I already vary my travel times and my route isn’t known to anyone, as far as I know.
Get a yellow rain slicker, cut it into peices. Sew peices together to make a waterbullet-proof vest. Wear said vest under clothes for next six weeks, and hope would-be assassin is not skilled enough for a head shot.
Also, tell coworkers you are being stalked by a repo man or a process server to prevent them from pointing you out at work.
Figure that the mark you are trying to kill is going to be extremely paranoid as soon as the game starts (as you are I’m sure).
Normally when we are in public we try not to draw any attention to ourselves. We tend to look a bit disinterested to those around us. Think about how people look in public - they are either looking specifically at some sort of task at hand; making brief eye contact with those around them while making cursory comments; or just casually looking around without spending much time looking at any particular individual.
Anybody playing the game you are playing will probably violate some of those rules so they will stand out in a crowd. Instead of focusing on some item where they are located (such as food on a shelf in the grocery store, or the tracks at the train station) they will be focused on faces in the crowd. Instead of casually looking around they will clearly be focusing on you, or trying to be discreet by focusing on something near you. Your goal is to notice people doing this to you, while not doing it to your mark.
Since your mark won’t know who you are I suggest bringing along a friend and have them act like they are playing the game badly. When you are in a public place have your friend very visibly trail your mark while still trying to pretend being coy. You stay back just a little to see how he’ll behave. If possible, have your friend stake out an exit while you wait just outside of another exit. With luck, your mark will try to avoid the exit where he thinks his killer is and walk right up to you for you to squirt him.
Whoa, yeah I can’t believe people still play this today. We did in college back in the dark ages pre-9/11 (early 90’s) and even then didn’t use anything resembling guns; we had “grenades” made of rolled socks. I can’t imagine it not leading to dire consequence today.
I agree with Czarcasm. It sounds like fun, but there’s no real guarantee that the guy who picked you isn’t a dipshit who might do something stupid, or just have bad timing and get you while you’re carrying something that isn’t waterproof. A Nerf Gun Assassination Game would probably have less chance of collateral damage.
Ah, Killer games. Did those in High School. Nothing like intense paranoia to keep you on your toes. I’ve intercepted people bright an early in the morning when they left the house for work. Also nearly got nailed when an assassin came up with the UPS driver to deliver a package. Got the package and got the door shut in time!
As fun as they are, a lot of people just have no fucking clue. Things got a bit dicey, in High School when a masked assassin burst in on his target’s English class and hosed down his target with two motorized Uzi water pistols while he was giving an oral report to the class. The admins really started a crackdown on any sort of toy gun on campus, but it just drove things underground. We had people wandering around school with water pistols in custom made shoulder holsters under their jackets.
Biggest advice – use common sense. Our English classroom assassin didn’t. We made cars off-limits, as we didn’t want any accidents caused by people fleeing assassins or trying to surprise a target. Also avoided any high speed chases. There really needs to be a sit down with all involved before play and rules covered.
Working out of the SJ Games version, Killer, my friends and I had a good time in high school doing all sorts of dangerous stuff, up to and including a running gun battle across campus and into a classroom with suction-cup-dart guns. Ah, the good old days, when you could carry loaded dart guns in your jacket and NOT get suspended or expelled straightaway.
The important lesson to come out of the stern talking-tos received by everyone involved in that gunfight was to start killing each other subtly. Poisons, bombs, other sorts of booby-traps… If you’re not limited to the squirt gun, you might consider a killing along these lines.
I’d be really skeeved out at the thought of giving out all my information to someone I only know through some random network. Though then again, I’d be really skeeved at the idea of letting some random person crash on my couch, so…maybe it’s me.
Well, he’s playing in DC, so what’s the worst that can happen? Oh wait, dozens of federal and local law enforcement take turns using your nipples as target practice, major freakout at work and being on the front page of the Washington Post’s Metro section, plus maybe a nomination for a Darwin Award.
