This goes under the file “Things I Wish I Had [del]Written [/del][del]Wrote [/del] [del]Writed [/del]Written”
It’s also got lots of swears. Fair warning.
An excerpt:
More beautiful prose here: How to: Visit Chicago Like a Chicagoan
As an expat Chicagoan, I will follow the link! The fact that the writer included the phrase “two-flat” proves his authenticity. (Yes, I lived in a two-flat, right across from the El, between Wrightwood & Diversey.) 
But I wonder if he can relate any stories about the blues?
I will report back.
Demera isn’t that great. Go to Ethiopian Diamond on Broadway. It tastes better.
Oh great, he’s sending people to Uptown. There goes the neighborhood.
n/m
Just don’t let anyone know about Ras Dashen, and all will be well.
I once heard it said that people who live in New York suburbs brag about how often they get into the City, and people who live in Chicago suburbs brag about how seldom they get into the City.
Definitely true when I was a kid in the '80s, growing up in a suburb bordering the city,* but IMHO and experience, still living in the near 'burbs, not so true nowadays.
*Of course, people would cross the street into the city proper, which except for the streetlamps and signs was indistinguishable from my suburb, but they’d brag about not being downtown in decades or at least years. :rolleyes:
I’m still trying to puzzle out what this sentence means.
This guy seems to be trying too hard. His writing is too clever by half and it gets in the way of whatever point he’s trying to make. Another example:
Yeah, okay. Whatever.
That was my reaction too. He seems to be saying, “See? I’m a funny guy, aren’t I? Aren’t I?? THIS IS FUNNY DAMMIT!!!”
I smiled once or twice, but after awhile he became annoying.
Ain’t it the truth. I’ve moved between Aurora, Naperville, Batavia, Woodridge, and Lombard over the past 5 years. Been to the city… twice. And neither time by choice.
Is very true. But you’d have to quote my deceased father.
Yup. I live in the burbs but work in the city and love going down there to eat, drink, shop, and anything else I can do every chance I get.
WAG: “Bayless doesn’t count; go to holes-in-the-wall or go home.” I think that’s a bullshit attitude - respect the good stuff regardless of the size/popularity!
And Charlie Trotter’s closed months ago, but whatever, I suppose people might still be asking him about it.
Where in the Lilac Village?
But yeah, I thought the thread’s title was a question at first and was all set with the snappy answer of, “You don’t.”
A hop + skip + jump away from the toll road. Which toll road? All of them! 
I brag about rarely leaving the 312 area code.
OK, I commend his civic pride. But his advice is terrible.
Chicago pizza is gross. Thank God I found a place that does (real-deal, or reasonably close) NY-style in the city. Sames goes for Chicago vs. NYC (sauerkraut and yellow mustard) hot dogs.
(But you are dead to me if ever I see you going into some place called “Brooklyn Industries” in Wicker Park. Or if you call East Ukie Village, the “East Village.” Board a fucking plane and move already.)
The river tour really is the only good piece of advice. I still love the Hancock Observatory. Millennium Park is just splendid. I couldn’t imagine visiting the city in the summer and not seeing it.
The Green Mill has been pimped out by white north side flaneurs seeking to establish their multi-culti bona fides since the mid-90s. Guess what? Jazz sucks. And guess what, if you go, it’s gonna be a bunch of annoying LP types.
Tourists, don’t go to Uptown. If you can’t resist, go to a concert at the Riv or the Aragon. I saw the Pixies there once. Loved it.
Also, WTF is up with talking to locals at neighborhood bars?
Tourist: “Oh, Ravenswood is pretty neat, friendly Chicago resident. What do you recommend we check out here?”
Me: “Uhhhh, I don’t know. I live here cause it’s affordable and residential, and near my train and with plentiful parking, and my bank and the grocery store and Target are nearby. … So, have you checked out the Target and the PNC?”
Yeah, I’m all for finding the cheap hole in the wall–I mean, that’s where I usually eat–but Bayless’s restaurants are fantastic and absolutely worth a visit. Places can be extremely popular and even tourist traps and still be good.
Who? I haven’t found any one who does a decent NY pie here. But that’s okay, because we’re not in New York. Get yourself a good Chicago-style thin crust. We’re talking Vito & Nick’s, Pat’s, Marie’s, etc. If you don’t like deep dish, that’s cool. I only like it about 2 times a year. But the thin crust is great. Looking for great NY style pizza in Chicago is like looking for great Chicago style pizza (thin or thick) in New York. Why bother?
I do like some New York dogs. Not a big fan of Sabrett’s, but Hebrew Nationals are good. Too bad they’re not natural casing. That’s the biggest minus for me for most of NY dogs. Who cares how you dress your dog–put ketchup on it if you want–the dog should be able to stand alone. I prefer Vienna beefs to anything I’ve had in NY, but I’m sure it’s an issue of what you grew up with. Natural casing dogs are getting hard to find even here in Chicago. But, for me, that’s a requirement for a good dog. That firm snap is half the joy of a good sausage. (Hope that doesn’t sound too sexual.)
The Aragon is among worst venues to see a concert in Chicago. Terrible, terrible acoustics. I mean, off-the-wall awful, unless something has changed in the last two or three years. That said, I’d see the Pixies, there, too. In fact, I did see the Pixies there. Too bad the sound sucked ass.
But, yeah, I disagree about the Hancock. I think getting a drink there on the 94th floor (or is it the 96th–it’s one floor off the Signature Room) is one of the best places to get a drink and see the city. I’ve only been there once, when a visitor from out-of-town requested to go there, and I was impressed. The drinks weren’t crazy overpriced, you got a spectacular view of the city, and you didn’t have to pay whatever ridiculous price it is you pay to get into the Sears cough Willis Tower these days. That said, I’d take visitors to the Willis Tower, too. Those new glass floor cubes they have are definitely worth a visit.
Agreed, I’m a fan of the Hancock’s Signature Room for a fucking gorgeous view of the nighttime skyline, plus it’s cheaper to have a drink there than pay the entry fee for the Sears Tower (grumbleWillis) and there’s no security search or wait to get up there. Not a fan of glass walkways into oblivion, so I’ll pass on that upgrade.
I like Chicago thin crust way more than deep dish, though my favorite is a relative newbie, Piece, which they say is “New Haven style.”