First, we head off to the nearest Mennonite/Hutterite/Amish settlement - those dudes have all the stuff we need.
I think I’d be very useful; I know lots of stuff and can do lots of stuff, and I’m an excellent second-in-command - the person who makes all the charismatic leader’s plans actually happen.
Well maybe I should have given myself a little more credit. In addition to being in good shape, and useful for labor, I’m pretty handy and can build things. And yes, I can follow instructions, so if other people who have mastered more difficult skills need my help, I can be of use that way.
Dude - no booze! :eek:
We can always make moonshine, doll.
Duuuudddd, SHIT, no Foooodddd…:eek:
PS: most folks I know who live off the grid also know how to do homebrewing, so heave a sigh there.
Pretty damned useful. I’m active duty Air Force EOD, an’ a prior Eagle Scout.
I can grow basic amounts of food, and learn quick enough about agricultural husbandry to start sorting out what species works in the village, and what doesn’t. I can make beer. I can hunt, and generate meat off the wildlife of the land. I can build/rebuild machines to help with the labor I can’t do myself (although it may take me awhile). I’m awesome with tools and can frame, place good concrete, and do basic wiring. I can even build radios given the discrete parts from a ‘Radio Shack’ or electronics store.
Also, I’m thinking that whomever is in the village/small town with me are also still okay, so I’m knowledgeable enough about the law, and social/political implications about the “event” that I could start trying to prod the several hundred survivors into a grassroots market economy–“Cash or barter only folks, 'cause your plastic won’t work no more. . .”
Unless the roving mobs of panicked people start looting and burning things down, first thing I’d do is preserve the municipal government. All else will fall into place once competent, existing leadership can assess what its got and what it needs to do. From there, I’m flexible enough to contribute to the town what its “market” might require to provide for me and my own.*
Tripler
In addition to the cooking, planting, canning and gathering skills no one here has mentioned clothing yet. I understand the construction of most clothing including moccasins, hats and gloves and am able to construct them.
(I can also darn socks - a lost art!)
Unfortunately I am now heavily a gimp, but I am a medieval recreationist with excellent knowledge and skills in non and low tech production, the ability to coherently teach people to work in no and low tech production.
I love to garden but hate to cook. Some other skills but I just shake my head when I see the people on tv who volunteered for the colony. I love public sewage wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too much to go without.
I can make clothes, shoes, hats etc as per Tethered Kite, plait palm fronds, I can cook on open fire. I was a sailor for some years so I’m pretty hardy, I know which way is north, I’m fearless in the dark. I’m good at keeping the morale up, I know a lot of songs, I’ve killed chickens with my bare hands, I can skin and gut small animals and birds and roast them, set small traps using saplings, I’ve got a strong stomach, I could hold you down and stitch your open wound. My sense of smell is really good, also my hearing - if there’s water running I’ll find it, I’m good at picking up trails, the lay of the land, my night vision is good too. I can build a bivouac shelter. I can dry things and salt them. I can climb, move really quietly, sleep lightly. I might be able to fix minor engine problems … I can make a garden. I would be useful.
I don’t know if it’s still true but it used to be that I would be warmer than you - you can have my coat!
Plumbing? What’s to know? Alternate between a couple of pit toilets and you’re golden. I’ve just had built a septic & soakaway system it’s pretty straightforward or sluice it into a pile of grass cuttings, leave for a year and you’ve got compost.
Roasted mmmmm.
I can build greywater and composting systems that will take care of everything from the home. Public sewage can be smaller and less labour-intensive. I can also design and help build passive-solar housing that needs little heating in cold climates, and can be cool and shady in hot climates. (Critical ingredient there: glass windows.) Hot and cold storage cabinets can be built using the same thermal-mass principles. And I can build root cellers for those cool storage needs.
I keep meaning to make one of those solar ovens & bake bread in a glass jar. Tomorrow I’m babysitting a six year old boy, this thread has inspired me, I’m going to show him how to put a leash on a lizard and my favourite useless activity - coaxing tarantulas out of their holes with a certain grass.
We will need rum to purify the water, sometimes it needs a lot of purifying. 
I’d be the hysterical one someone had to slap. But then I’d straighten up and do what I could.
Which isn’t much.
chuckles and smirks
I’m in poor shape for my age, but pretty good shape relative to the general population. I’m also probably better at finding sources of clean water (or purifying my own), at least in an urban setting, than most people.
I’m not good at starting fires or building shelters or any of that crap, though.
I can produce a variety of fibers from both animal and vegetable origin, spin them into thread, turn them into felt, make paper, weave cloth, use vegetable dyes, and sew.
In addition, I know several ways to construct spinning devices, and have built several weaving looms.
I also know how to work leather. I’ve never tanned leather, but assuming our hunters have some success, and we have some farm animals butchered, I’ll be able to experiment and will come up with something.
I also know knitting, crochet, rope making, quilting… many, many textile techniques.
I also know how to make dye, ink, and quill pens.
Yes, I’ve acquired a lot of knowledge and skills useless for the modern age, but just fine for the post-apocalypse.
Got a bunch of other skills already covered - gardening, butchering, cooking, wood fires, animal husbandry, first aid, following directions…
Minuses: I’m physically weak and lack stamina. So I could help with labor but no heavy lifting and nothing for prolonged periods of time. I also have no handyman skills.
Pluses: I’m very good at planning/organizing and thinking up a whole bunch of scenarios, however unlikely, that could occur, so I would be good at helping the group be prepared for all contingencies. I have a reasonable amount of medical knowledge and I know first aid. I also have skinny little fingers that are good for delicate maneuvering. And, I don’t eat much.
So, I wouldn’t be a definite asset, but I think I could contribute something and at least not be a net negative.
Heyyyyy, Broomstick…way up there above you were all jazzed about taking charge with it all. Que pasa, there, Hon? S’up with the switch?