Being forced out of the house never came up, since it was assumed I’d go to college. As it turned out, I got into Cooper Union and could have commuted (and gone for free - even made a small profit with my Regents scholarship) but chose to move away to MIT instead. The only issue was money, being or not being at home was not a problem. In fact they kind of tried to bribe me by saying I could get an apartment closer to Cooper Union if I chose to go there.
My kids both went away to college. They wanted to and we thought it was healthier for them. My older daughter went to Berkeley half time her senior year of high school and was officially matriculated, but didn’t want to go there, and we supported her.
I went home every summer up to my senior year of college, no issues. I worked but my parents didn’t want rent or anything like that.
While I was in college I lived in the dorm and came home for summers and breaks, except for the summer between my junior and senior years when I got a summer job there. After I graduated i resumed living with my parents with the understanding that I would do so for free until I got a job, at which point I was expected to start paying room and board. The amount was nowhere near what it would have cost me get my own apartment or buy my own food, however; it was intended primarily to establish that I was not a “freeloader”. As it turned out I found a job within two weeks of graduation.
After a year and a half I started looking for my own place, mainly because I felt it was time for me to be on my own. Also, by that time I had managed to save enough money to furnish an apartment (although I was able to take some of the furniture from my room with me),
When I was seventeen, my parents split; my mom came to my room to ask me if I wanted to go with her or stay with my dad. My answer was just “I’m staying at home.”
She ended up moving to a different town, and then my dad skedaddled; There was no talk of me staying with anybody, I was just suddenly on my own one day. Been on my own ever since!
When I got married, I raised my now ex-wife’s kids as my own. When she R-U-N-N-O-F-T, I kept right on raising them as my own. As of four weeks ago, my youngest is now legally an adult; I’ve made it clear that if they all want to stay at the house, they will pay rent, as I spent too many years taking care of adults; I let them do the research and find what it would cost them to get a cheap one bedroom apartment, and rounded down to the nearest hundred from there. I’ve made it clear when the rent will start to come due (they have time to either decide on a different path or work out their budgets ahead of time). The oldest and the youngest are both planning to stay at the house; the middle child is off to college (rent is not required for her being home for the summer; not sure if it is “fair” or not, but all of them know how important education is in my eyes).
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The deal was to go directly from high school to college and finish college in 4 years, then move out during the summer after college.
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My father provided this information (along with the discussion of who was to take on what proporton of tuition/room and board).
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If I had chosen the school nearest home of those I applied to, I would have had to live at home for cost savings, which immediately ruled it out for me. We were required to send school holidays and vacations at home, and work during summer break.
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I couldn’t wait to get out on my own and have never wished I’d stayed longer or had returned. My family andcommuniry were fine, but I was ready to go.
ETA: Sorry for typos; I was interrupted and missed my edit window.
Essentially this for me as well.
ETA: With the caveat that my father was a career military officer, and where exactly “home” was varied, until he retired from service and they settled down when I was in my mid twenties (and living overseas so the issue of my living with them didn’t come up).
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I was one of those kids who turned 18 while still in high school. The topic hadn’t really been brought up beforehand (it was more-or-less assumed I would go to college and stay in a dorm). After turning 18, however, my dad frequently reminded me that he could kick me out of the house any time he wanted and I’d do well not to piss him off if I wanted a roof over my head. I don’t know that I took him too seriously, and he never did kick me out. I don’t think I ever gave him a reason to, either. I don’t know why he kept having to threaten doing this, though.
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When I flunked out of college and returned to my parents house, there was no real discussion as to how long I could live there. Again, it was assumed (by myself as well as my parents) that I wouldn’t be living there all that long. I suppose if they thought otherwise, they would’ve laid down some ground rules or a plan for eventually moving out. One aspect that annoyed me, however, was that they couldn’t be straightforward with me on the matter of rent. I certainly had no problem paying rent to my parents and I was indeed paying what could fairly be described as a token amount (something like $100/mo. or something). My dad frequently harangued me about living with my parents and basically being a deadbeat. This turned out to be his way of getting more rent money. When I asked him why he couldn’t just request it straight out, he said that’s a hard thing to ask of your kids. He seemed to have no problem insulting and belittling me for months on end beforehand, though.
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Had I gone to college in town I’m sure they would’ve encouraged me to stay home.
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I finally moved out at the age of 23 or so. Left on good terms as I had found a roommate. My parents by this point had split up so I was just living with my dad. Ironically he became quite lonely on his own and his drinking problem worsened and never really got better. This became an ongoing issue with him until his death.
Leaving home to go to university wasn’t practical, as I was accepted at one of Canada’s finest universities, which was only a twenty-minute subway ride away. So I lived at home during my undergrad, which was fine with my folks.
It was after graduation that problems occurred. My father encouraged me to leave home, as he did when he was in his early twenties. But my mother would have none of it. According to her, I was to live at home until I got married. I myself wanted to get out. This led to many three-way screaming matches between my Mom, my Dad, and I, about me moving out. I won’t get into details, so let’s just say that they were no fun.
When I was in my mid-20s, a friend was giving up her apartment, and offered it to me as a sublet. I gratefully took it, and assumed the lease when it was up. This sent my mother through the roof. It resulted in more “no fun” screaming between all of us. Dad was arguing with Mom, who was arguing with me, who (at least, being in my own apartment) could hang up the phone when I heard Mom’s voice on the other end.
At that point, I basically cut ties with family. My Mom passed shortly after, and I re-established ties with my Dad and Sister (who did just as Mom asked, and lived at home until she was 28 and married).
So, to answer the OP’s question “How was the question of kids leaving home handled in your family?”, my answer is, it was handled very poorly.
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My parents were apparently OK with us living at home forever. My 55 year old sister never moved out, but it has now turned into my mother living with her. “Home” was a two-family house that my grandfather owned, so there was more pace than a single-family house - but I am the only one of the four of us who never lived in that house with my own children. And at certain points, two of my siblings were living there with spouses and children.
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There really wasn’t any discussion.
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I commuted to college. If there was going to be any insistence regarding where I would live, my mother would have insisted that I live at home and commute. I would have preferred to go away, but the only help my parents could give me was living at home while I went to the super-inexpensive public university where I paid my own tuition. I couldn’t afford to go anywhere else.
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I wasn’t attached to the house- or at least not to living with my parents. I suppose I might have been attached to the house itself, in the sense that if it was left to me and my siblings, I would have tried to buy them out rather than selling, but I did not want to live with my parents anymore.