How will Character X die?

I’m so glad about Jeff.

:wipes tear:
Mike Brady, shot by neighbor after being caught in flagrante delicto with neighbor’s 19-year-old daughter
Carol Brady, automobile accident while delivering meals to shut-ins
Greg Brady, complications from laser hair removal
Peter Brady, self-inflicted machete wound
R. Glenn Brady, killed by angry mob outside RGB Innovations the morning after his fraud indictment
Marsha Brady-Kozlowski, exercise bulimia
Jan Brady-Brady, complications from self-inflicted laser hair removal (attempting to prove that she was not at fault for her husband’s death)
Cindy Brady, alcohol poisoning after a convent social event
Alice, shot by neighbor after being caught in flagrante delicto with neighbor’s 19-year-old daughter (it was a lucky 2-for-1 shot)

Shouldn’t that read son?

Rachel Green–Dies at 104 of plastic surgery complications.
Joey Tribbiana–Killed in film shooting shooting accident.
Ross Geller–Killed in student drive-by shooting.
Monica Geller Bing–Goes back to her old eating habits and dies of stress to entire body caused by massive weight gain of 100 pounds in six months.
Chandler Bing–Killed by father’s deranged boyfriend, setting off Monica’s massive depression eating.
Phoebe Buffet–Killed by a tiger–smelly cat indeed. In an ironic twist of fate, her twin sister Ursula is killed at the very same moment by a bear.

It’s Character X, not Actor X. :wink:

Jerry - Dies alone and embittered, still peevishly complaining about everything around him, in a Florida retirement community at age 82.

George - He and his father kill each other in a drunken Festivus brawl.

Elaine - Marries Puddy and moves to Westchester County, has four kids and commits suicide after the last one leaves for college.

Kramer - Transforms Kramerica Inc. into a pharmaceutical venture-capital firm, becomes filthy rich, takes an experimental life-prolongation drug and ends up living forever.

Peg, Kelly, and Bud Bundy are hacked to death with an ax. The crime is discovered when parts of the bodies start turning up in boxes that can all be traced back to a single shoe store. Despite massive DNA evidence, three eye-witnesses, and having tape of the murders captured by store surveilance cameras, Al Bundy is acquitted of the charges by a jury of twelve shoe salesmen. He dies six months later, tanned and overweight, smothered in the breasts of a woman in Tahiti.

After a frantic day of cleaning and repairing the hotel to avoid health code violations, Basil Fawlty drops dead of a stroke after serving a rat in a cracker box to the health inspector.

Ash Ketchum is electrocuted in the Great Pokemon Uprising of '09.

Arthur ‘Fonzie’ Fonzarelli: At age 56 still thinking of himself as a tough guy he tried to break up a fight in the High School he worked in. He was shot and died 4 hours later in the hospital. His last words were, “I remember when gangs weren’t armed.”

Marion Cunningham: Live to a very advanced age and enjoyed shuttling between her Florida retirement home and long visits to her kids and grandkids. She was very active in her seniors community and well loved by all. She passed away quietly in her sleep at age 98. She was a widow for a very long time as …

Howard Cunningham: Died of congestive heart failure at age 56.

Joanie Cunningham: Actually married Chachi and they had 3 kids and while never big successes they did OK. She died in a car accident though when she was 56. It was determined she was well over the legal alcohol limit. Sadly she also maimed a teenage driver for life.

Warren ‘Potsie’ Weber: Worked a series of crappy jobs and tried to keep his hopes of a music or acting career alive but never succeeded. He died a lonely, sad failure at age 65.

Richard ‘Richie’ Cunningham: Became a successful writer for the NY Times and did some screen writing. He fought through a bought of alcoholism and stayed dry until his death at age 82. Along the way he and Lori Beth raise 2 kids.

Ralph Malph: He ended up making the army a career. He surprisingly was good at his job. Went to OCS training and successfully led men in combat in Vietnam. He rose to the rank of a Full Bird Colonel with 30 years served and ended up the COO of pharmaceutical warehousing company. He was very successful and retired well off with a double pension. He married first young and had no kids, divorced while he was serving in Vietnam. He remarried later in life to a much younger Korean girl and had 3 kids. He lived out his golden years in Boca Raton and died of lung cancer at the age of 78.

Alfred ‘Al’ Delvecchio: Suffered and died from Diabetes. He was never able to stick to his diet and actually loss his right leg before he died.

Charles ‘Chachi’ Arcola: He did OK and while he cheated on Joanie he stayed with her through her depression and alcoholism. He was actually relieved when she died and within 6 months married a beautiful young blond. He died at age 60 of a heart attack while in the act of making love to his second wife. He left behind 3 grown-up children from his first marriage and one young daughter from his second.

Lori Beth: Married Richie and fell into the role of housewife and mother. When the youngest child went off to college she packed her bags and loaded up her 74 Ford Station Wagon and drove off. Whether she ever planned to return is unknown as she picked up a hitchhiker in Ohio and he killed her and stole all of her belongings and car leaving her in a ditch.

Jenny Piccalo: Became a very successful high priced call girl and later a Nevada Madam. She lived to be 95 and was fairly well off.

Matsuo ‘Arnold’ Takahashi: Died choking to death at age 70. He was at nice restaurant in Milwaukee and a fish bone got lodged.

Police Officer Kirk: He was actually an Army Reservist. In Vietnam he was a Gunny that got fragged by his own men. He died in 1967.

Chuck Cunningham**: He was never seen again. Apparently no one cared.

Leather Tuscadero: Went on to a very successful career in music and still did some doo-wop reunion tours in her later years. She had married a powerful and rich record executive who of course cheated on her anyway but her divorce settlement in California left her set for life. She had a legion of fanboys for while but that of course faded. She never had any kids but enjoyed her life. She drowned in her own pool at age 65 though.

The chicken, however, will survive and retire to a petting zoo.

Um…yes. “Daughter.”
[/QUOTE]

Obviously the incompetent bit explains how she made Captain. I saw an episode called Warhead the other day where they have bizzarre moral arguements about whether to help a warhead capable of blowing a 200km wide crater. Guess what they took it on board Voyager where it caused all kinds of havok.

To get back on topic, this is where Voyager should have ended, they deserved to be blown up.

Other Deaths:

Doctor Who - Final regeneration ends after a night with Captain Jack and a Dalek plunger.

Laura Holt: gunshot wound as the result of a carjacking gone wrong
Murphy Michaels: infection from a paper cut (manila envelope containing autopsy report)
Bernice Fox: hypothermia
Mildred Krebbs: complications from diabetes
Harry Chalmers: of extreme old age while awaiting trial for murder of Laura’s killer (prosecution and defense attorneys could not agree on his legal name)

Jack didn’t “fall down” - Jill pushed him.

He died from complications - she died from a shiv.

I’m iffy on the last one. That is, I’m sure Mr. Steele would murder anyone who killed Laura. But I’m not sure he’d get caught, and if he did, it would be because he didn’t intend to survive anyway.

You know what, you’ve got an excellent point there. Please see revision below:

Harry Chalmers: unknown (vanished from LA County holding cell after being taken into custody for avenging Laura’s death)

You know, the more I think about it, the more I think there’s simply no way he’d be caught. First off, he’s not given to insane rages; he’s given to COLD rages. Moreover, if he were on the scene of the carjacking, there’s no way he’d have survived himself; it simply would not occur to him to stand by while Laura was in danger. If he weren’t on the scene, he’d track the guy down and embark on some elaborate scheme to make him off himself, and he’d have called Murphy in for assistance; it would be the one time the two of them agreed on a course of action.
Yes, I loved that show. Still do.

Dude, the frickin’ Mexican police put him in jail. Tell you what, you call up MTM and pitch it, and we’ll co-write it. We can hash out the improbabilities over beers.

:slight_smile:

How many times must I ask you not to bother me with FACTS? Facts are for women and Welshmen!

If I recall aright, Harry/Steele was entirely innocent of the crime for which he was imprisoned in Mexico. Otherwise, Laura wouldn’t have helped him out. Thus he was not prepared for police action, as he had not planned the events in question. If he had had a plan, he’d have never been caught, unless for some reason he wanted to.

So, wait … he’s Batman now?

:wink:

You realize I fed you that line as a gift, right?

No, Steele’s not Batman. But he was very careful. Batman can do anything, which is why he’s so annoying; Steele would evaluate the situation, decide whether the job was achievable at an acceptable level of risk, and proceed thusly.

Till he met Holt, of course. She turned him round, round, round.

Absolutely, and thank you!

She does that to people. Little-known fact: Murphy was gay when they met.

Harry - Dies quietly in his bed at a ripe old age, honored by the Wizarding World far more than he is comfortable with

Ginny - Likewise, a few years later

Ron - Killed by a comical malfunction of one of his brother’s magical novelties

Hermione - Killed by an assassin a few years after becoming Minister of Magic